The Man Who Sold the World (nonSW short fic)COMPLETED2/17/07

[ForceFusion]

This is a really short fiction I've written that I'd like some feedback on! I'll probably post it in three parts, so if you've read up to the current, make sure to post so I know to put up the next part! (still haven't quite gotten a hang of how often to post here)

Edited February 13, 2007 by Guest

[ForceFusion]

The Man Who Sold the World

 

Only the light flickering from the viewscreen battled the darkness of midnight in the luxurious hotel room, high above a city that was once called home. The brightness of the screen chattered in a human female's voice, though Pierre couldn't make out the face. His eyes blurred everything, especially the light. The voice was clear and professional, reporting the news. ”œThe Man Who Sold the World returned to Earth for the first time today but has now been found dead at an undisclosed location. The authorities have indicated they believe it was a suicide.”¦”

[Amidala Skywalker]

Awww...poor Pierre's brother! That's horrible...

 

I'm intruiged, to say the least. The Man Who Sold the World, eh? Sounds very interesting...I'm very curious to see why his death effected Pierre so strongly.

 

I'd love to read more!

[Tiana Calthye]

A very open ending, if that was the ending. I dunno. It feels like it wants more, but it's good on its own, too, if you have the mind to think through it. Critically, I offer the fact that for some readers it may be difficult to reason the facts through what you gave (as Ami demonstrates... snrk) and there's a few places where your paragraphing's out. I didn't think you explained the whole stuff with the superiors informing him of stuff well enough. But, then, since there's two more parts... (shrugs) I assume you know what you want to tell us. XD.

 

I don't know if this is a fanfic, so maybe if we knew the fandom it would make more sense.

 

This is what I got, though. I may be wrong.

 

Pierre is the Man Who Sold The World. It has been assumed he suicided... but it was his brother who died.

 

I'm interested in reading the rest.

[ForceFusion]

yeah, there will be at least two or three more entries, depending on how I split it up.

 

It's not in any set galaxy. It's original. (I am allowed to post that stuff, right? )

 

Anyway, hopefully by the end everything will be explain sufficiently.

[Tiana Calthye]

Of course you are. I post it all the time. There's a couple NSW fics up near the top here and no one's banned them yet.

[ForceFusion]

So he sat, remotely numb, staring at the screen, which was brighter than the moon had ever been, listening to the anchorwoman spew off facts about ”œThe Man Who Sold the World.”

[Amidala Skywalker]

Hmmm...so his friend is the Man Who Sold the World? Apparently, rumors of his death have been greatly exaggerated...

 

Very confusing, but it plays Pierre's thought processes well, I think. I like how you told us a little more about the background and setting in this one. How the Aliens are ruling Earth...I find it interesting that The Man Who Sold The World is now a scout for them. And I think you did a good job with his dialogue about population. I think that's exactly the kind of justification people make when they commit atrocities...they need something to justify their actions to themselves, and this guy just happened to pick overpopulation.

 

Nice work, overall. Not strong, but as I said before, I think it almost fits with what you're trying to communicate.

 

I'd love to read more!

[ForceFusion]

This is weird. This is the kind of story where people read it all the way through. I've never had anyone read it five pages at a time. I'm interested to see if the reactions change at all.

 

Anyway, probably two more updates to go on this one.

[jedi_master_gimpy]

Okay, this is going to be a relatively short response compared to how much I enjoyed the read through..my apologies on that. You've done a great job of weaving together this storyline between current time and memories, with the added confusion of Pierre's "amnesia", which seems to be a combination of having purposefully tried to banish it from his mind, having been gone a long time, a mental coping technique to killing his brother and perhaps something else? Like some of the other readers I thought after the first post that Pierre is The Man Who Sold The World. I'm looking forward to seeing what other twists this short story goes through as you wrap it up!

[ForceFusion]

With a sense of relief, he let his mind explore the memories he had of this evil man. Once a young war hero with a bright political career in front of him, he spoke of freedom for all humanity. He was a charismatic and strong leader, and was elected to the Presidency in a landslide. Gravely, he led the Unified Western States into bloody wars in Turkey, Mongolia, and Africa, giving the UWS more wealth and power ahead of its rival super-state in the East.

 

He was once deemed one of the greatest Presidents the West had ever known, and his nation mourned when, suddenly, dozens in his administration and on his personal staff were assassinated by the Sino-Japanese Empire. He was whisked away to a safe place on the moon as the forces of Earth lined up to fight each other in and over the Pacific Ocean. The relative peace that had come between the two world powers after together they'd retaken Australia, New Zealand, and Fiji from the fascist Torent was now shattered. A war raged, killing millions, all while the President was safe on the moon.

 

And it was during the hottest part of the battle over the Pacific that his treachery was finally revealed. Alien ships from space swept down over Europe and America, taking control of the nearly defenseless London, New York, Paris, and Berlin. Many thought the President must have been killed on the moon until he himself appeared in the company of the Alien generals. ”œYou people no longer appreciated your freedom,”

[Amidala Skywalker]

Nice work! I like how Pierre suddenly got over his disbelief, and just let the man come with him. I'm still interested in how the man knows Pierre and what they're relationship is.

 

But it's cool that you finally explained everything about the background of the story. Very interesting. How did you come up with the idea, if I may ask?

 

Looking forward to more!

[jedi_master_gimpy]

Excellent update, as usual. In particular I liked Pierre's continuing blur of thoughts and conceptions, and found it interesting how he no longer considers himself either a "good human" or a "human" at all. There seemed to be a definite shift in this post where we have caught up on at least most of the relevant background (I'm thinking there still might be more about their history together) and are now fully into the action. I have absolutely no idea of where this will go or how long that will take...something that happens rarely.

[ForceFusion]

This is fun. Of everything I've written, this is the funnest to get reader reaction. Especially while reading.

 

There's one more post, probably later this week, though it might take some time for me to find time.

 

Amidala, you asked where i got the inspiration. Believe it or not, Nirvana's rendition of David Bowie's "The Man Who Sold the World" performed on their MTV Live and Unplugged album was what inspired the idea. If you're familiar with the lyrics, you can them sneak their way into the story! Sadly, I've never heard David Bowie's rendition. And I may be spelling his last name wrong!

[ForceFusion]

The first of Pierre's blasts caught a woman in the side, dropping her to her knees. She whirled around and fired in return, screaming through her pain, but Pierre's next shot took her in the face.

 

After a few quick moments, Pierre found himself diving behind another ship for cover. Both his escorts were dead, and his weapon had been hit. It sent sparks flying from its barrel, and vibrated in his hand, occasionally giving him a shock. He dropped it and picked up the human pistol that the dead woman had held, finding it half-loaded. He searched the corpse and was relieved to find two full clips.

 

The humans were holding out well, with only two left in the Subaltern's team still alive. But Pierre's position had them partially surrounded, and he finished the half-full clip, forcing them back further into a corner.

 

He reloaded just in time to see the humans make one final push, an act of desperation toward the Subaltern's position. With frightening accuracy, the two humans dropped the Aliens in only a few shots. But Pierre reacted quickly, killing one of the humans and charging the other in the midst of a reload.

 

”œDrop it!”

[Obi-here]

hehe...well, I finished it, and I've got to say, you've some some really good stuff here, man. It's a little short for my tastes, but I know this is a short story so...yeah. It just seems a little bit hard to fit in a plot like the one you've devised into so few pages, but even so, you do it well.

 

I loved how, once he figured out who the 'man' was, you started referring to him as the 'Man' with a capital 'M.' I always love those little details that add to your writing style. Just gives it that little extra edge.

 

Like Ami said, this isn't the strongest piece of literature, but I think that it fits just fine for what you're writing here.

 

Again, good work and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future.

[ForceFusion]

Thing is, I want to do more with it. I have vague ideas as to how to get it into novel length form, but i don't have that kind of energy right now. How would you see it expanded?

[Obi-here]

How would you see it expanded?

 

However you would.

 

Just brainstorm, my friend. Start the story earlier. Keep it more detailed. Focus on the Man Who Sold the World and tell things from his point of view. Perhaps throw it another character who wants to stop him from selling the world and make him a main character. Come up with some new locations...perhaps some more battles between the aliens and the humans as the aliens start to take over the world and encounter their first bits of resistance. To put it simply, just think. Coming up with a decent plot isn't too hard...the difficulty is writing it.

[Amidala Skywalker]

Ahh....so he was insane...or multi-personality...from the mental trauma...and it all comes back full circle.

 

Very nice work. Nice ending. I love the last line, and how it completely brought closure and everything to the story, echoing back to the beginning.

 

I guess I don't really know what to say, besides that it was very good and I really enjoyed it!!!!

[jedi_master_gimpy]

”œI thought you died alone.”

[Anakin T Skywalker]

What a crazy weird cool story!

[Dartha Athanth]

(ok this fic isn't THAT old)

 

Hmm interesting story!

 

*waits till the political history buff in me appears*

 

Sad to see that Africa and South Asia have not progressed much - I'm assuming the Western powers are the US, Canada, Europe, and probably Russia, which would be like half of the earth's land already - Sino-Japanese?!?! They're still arguing with each other and trying to bash each other up! Though I would assume this would include all the Mongoloid countries - (a.k.a. the 'yellow' skinned asians) China, Japan, the 2 Koreas, Vietnam, and Thailand, and perhaps Singapore . Though Vietnam hates Chinese imperialism as well. Hmm not that big an area of the world though both blocs should have an equal amount of people. Hmm Mongolia would make a good battleground for conventional warfare though, it being mostly open grassland.

 

Hmm I think this, fleshed out, and with more research done could actually be a novel, and I would buy it!

[Anakin T Skywalker]

I know it's not old! It's there, which, I believe, is the only requirement for something to earn a comment. I actually read it before and didn't, for some reason. So I am now.

[ForceFusion]

Hey wow! Thanks for the comments, guys! Wasn't expecting any more reads of this one. (Even though it's award winning now. *is proud*)

 

I actually have some ideas floating around for both an extended version of the short story, and a novel-length version.

 

You're right, Darsha, about how I cut up the world into the two empires. You're also right in your supposition that I didn't do much research on it! If I were to re-write it now, there would be a lot more complexities, and what was the "Sino-Japanese" empire would probably be an alliance between a Chinese Empire, and Indian Republic, and Japan. But, I'd have to do a lot more thinking on that.

 

Thanks again for the comments!

[Anakin T Skywalker]

A novel-length sounds really cool! Like the kind of non-SW book I would read.

[Dartha Athanth]

Yes you would since India and China are fighting (over border issues and Tibet and a lot of other petty stuff) and Pakistan (India's long time foe since independence -_-) gets their weapons from the US and China. (I don't know whether this has stopped, though) and China is still hung up with Japan over what happened during WW2 they are quite unforgiving. (I've never heard of Israel still fighting with Germany, so..)

 

Oo it looks like China has really few allies! Indonesia and Malaysia (I'm thinking of the lump of land and islands below China now) are anti Chinese even to the extent of discriminating against their own Chinese immigrants who have been in the land for generations already.

 

Too many divisions in asia to form a cohesive bloc! Whee. Unless China conquered all of them, it is currently unlikely that any asian bloc will rise to a dominating power - only individual countries.

 

I once thought about hte future and saw the countries breaking up rather than consolidating.. eg. Tibet and the Uigher region breaking away from China(even before the torch relay thing happened yay), 10 highland countries for each minority tribe in myanmar, more breakaways in the indonesian arhipelago like east timor, and in the phillipines a moro island, many breakups in africa like cutting up sudan into half for each side (oo china is involved in that conflict too), creation of a palestinian state, etc. Hmm that would be more chaotic and the chi rac tah could take over more easily.

 

 

 

WHY AM I SUCH A NERD hahaha.

[ForceFusion]

No, no, the nerd-dom is good! My focus, obviously, wasn't on the socio-political situation when I threw this story together, but if I was to pursue it further, I'd definitely consider all sorts of possible futures. But predicting the future is pointless. I'll paraphrase Orson Scott Card who wrote in an essay something along the lines of: Science-ficiton doesn't serve as a prediction of the future, because we are usually wrong, but rather a rehearsal for it.