Ethro Brealis

Desperately seeking a method of not working on the paper that's due tomorrow, I found myself here and read through the entire story this afternoon. Very nicely done; I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Oooh, gimpy actually posted something within the last year! It would be very nice to see her back some more. It was good, very good. A little confusing at the end- I had to go back and re-read the part about Tommel because I originally thought he had died young rather than run away. But still, dark and delicious. I thought the length was good- don't lengthen it, certainly. It would lose a lot of punch if it was any longer.

Here is an example of my absolute laziness when it comes to writing. I saw and loved this picture (rather, one very much like it since I couldn't find the real one) on another website with the title "write a short story based on this picture!" It was two years ago. No short story yet. But I still feel the picture is inspiring: (third edit... stupid breaking picture links...) And here's a song that I've always felt inspired lyrically by, mainly because of the vivid imagery: Anthem of the Angels by Breaking Benjamin: White walls surround us No light will touch your face again Rain taps the window As we sleep among the dead Days go on forever But I have not left your side We can chase the dark together If you go, then so will I There is nothing left of you I can see it in your eyes Sing the anthem of the angels And say the last goodbye Cold light above us Hope fills the heart and fades away Skin white as winter As the sky returns to gray Days go on forever But I have not left your side We can chase the dark together If you go, then so will I There is nothing left of you I can see it in your eyes Sing the anthem of the angels And say the last goodbye I keep holding onto you But I can't bring you back to life Sing the anthem of the angels Then say the last goodbye

Hmmm, very interesting. Sorry, but there's nothing I can add to Tiana's critique. Just keep posting- I'll be reading this.

Hello, all. Before I say anything else, let me get this disclaimer out of the way: This story is rated R for intense, disturbing themes and some language. I wrote this as a school assignment; for this online college course I had to create an emotional word picture (and it had to be very short) based on some strong emotional situation I had experienced in my life. I chose one that was based on rage and helplessness, and this... this thing came out of it. Interestingly enough, the title reflects the emotions. For lack of a better title, this story is simply called "Helpless Rage." Thanks to Obi-here for previewing and critiquing it. Further critiques are welcomed. North wing, Block C, Cell 25. Day Thirty-Four. Jack continued pacing around the perimeter of his cell, counting his steps. Six steps, turn, eight steps, turn, six steps, turn, eight steps, turn. After all, what else was there to do? Rehearse a defense? He hadn't been formally charged yet. Not that it mattered. You didn't need to be formally charged. Not anymore. If there was any suspicion of your loyalty to the party, you were thrown in jail for interrogation. His father had often spoken of the old days of ”œdue process”

There are two pop culture references in this chapter. Can you spot them? Man, it's been so long since I wrote this section. Ugh. Critique away. Chapter 9: All The Small Things Finnlass spotted it first. He usually did. ”œSoel Kel, dead ahead,”

Okay, so it was longer than I expected... Here it is. Yes, the first part is a sort of info dump, and I'm worried that it's redundant... let me know on that. Chapter 8: Riders to the North The second day was definitely worse than the first, Austin reflected, as he tried to mount his horse without putting undue stress on his legs. So far, it looked an impossible task. With a leap and an accompanying burst of pain, he made it onto the animal. Finnlass was already mounted up beside him, snickering. ”œHarder on the second day, isn't it? You're already sore from the first. Actually, the third day is the worst, because by the fourth, you're starting to toughen up.”

Nice, Obi. Very meaningful, very necessary... and course you managed to throw in a "that's what she said" to boot. I don't even WANT to think about that. *shifty eyes* So, I'll be posting the next update soon. I want to proof it briefly before posting.

Thanks for the feedback, particularly that comment that I should read my story out loud- long sentences are something I tend to struggle with. And if you have any more specific comments on Austin's re-entry to the story, particularly the conversations with Finnlass and Vurdas, please state them. I never really liked the feel of those, and I've reworked them both several times... without really accomplishing anything. Chapter 7: A New Objective Dawn broke gray and chill, a light drizzle still falling from the low-hanging clouds. Ralynne stood in the small north gate, watching the water drip from the overhanging stonework. The overworked healers were were still tending to the wounded inside, mainly those who had been burned or struck by falling rubble. A soul-orb... that's what General Vurdas called it. The life energy of scores, perhaps hundreds of elves and humans ripped from them and formed into a weapon of terrible power. Much of the north side of the tower had been blasted away or had crumbled, exposing three full levels to the elements. ”œWhat a night.”

Hey... just dropping in to say that I liked the story. I think you captured the mindset and mental processes of a clone very well. No real review, just saying I liked it.

You guys are lucky that I directed a friend who wanted to read my story here- otherwise I might not bother to post this for a long while. For a change, this chapter is only 5 pages long. Yes, the chapter title is a reference to the 1995 Green Day album of the same name. Chapter 6: Insomniac As usual, sleep eluded him. Sighing, Doryan turned over again and readjusted the cloth bundle that served as a pillow. Beneath the thin mat he slept on, the stone floor was hard and distinctly cold. The air was still and damp. He missed the warm grass and cool breeze of the plains, but it was not safe outside the tower after nightfall, even at the tower base. He was tired, but his mind remained active. With another sigh, he rolled off his mat and dug through his pillow-bundle until he found a light cloak. Wrapping it around himself, he cautiously stepped over the rest of his sleeping companions in the room and entered the central staircase. The wind whipped his long blond hair back over his shoulders as he emerged on the northern observation deck. Quietly he closed the trapdoor behind him and looked around the room. It was bare except for a pair of empty sleeping mats in one corner and a low table next to them. Set in a cupboard cut into the stone was a pair of short Wood Elven bows and their full-size counterparts, with corresponding quivers full of arrows. He wondered that there was no lookout on the north, the most important bearing to watch with the forest straight north of them. But something was not right... there was someone else in the room. He could feel it. Carefully, he scanned the room again. Nothing. But then in the corner by the window, the glint of metal caught his eye. Near the ceiling was a long spearpoint, but the dark wood of the shaft almost immediately vanished into the shadows as Doryan tried to trace it down. He quietly raised his hand and whispered, ”œKenth.”

I haven't been writing much lately... it's a good thing I'm so far ahead. This update is about 7 pages long, if you care to know. Chapter 5: First Impressions Ralynne plucked her arrow out of the dragon's neck. She stabbed it into the dirt a few times to clean it, then wiped it off on the grass and set it back on her string. Finnlass made a gesture, and a line of bushes ten paces in front of him flattened. ”œNothing,”

Wow... absolutely awesome. I'm loving it. Oh yeah, GO ANAKIN!!! Why pick the easy way when you can use the fun way?

I dunno, T. I'd accept a critique of To Find His Place instead of reading Haunting Choices. But I understand you're busy and might not have time to do either. *shrug* *sics the guiltmonkeys on Tiana*

I've been doing some difficult rewriting and finally gave up. I'm faced with the grim reality that the only way to salvage most of this crap is to completely scrap it and write it over, like I did with chapter 1. But first I need some critiques on what particulars need to be changed. So, here's the next installment. Oh, yeah, this chunk is nearly 3,000 words. Just thought I'd warn you. Chapter 4: Linukari Suppression The day dawned with light mist and an overcast sky. Notwithstanding the gloomy conditions, Ralynne folded her bedroll quickly and was the first in her unit to be mounted. ”œYou're looking cheery this morning, Ralynne.”