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Ashley Jade Skywalker

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About Ashley Jade Skywalker

  • Birthday September 16

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  1. Between the growing flashback-induced headache she was experiencing, the Jedi Master hovering over her, Tirzah clinging to her as if she were going to disappear and the concern she was getting from everyone else, Ash was beginning to feel slightly overwhelmed. She wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter and whispered soothingly to her as her eyes met Moon's and she smiled, mouthing a silent thank you before she turned to look over at Aryian. "I appreciate the offer, I really do, and at some later date I may take you up on that... But at this point in time I think I've had enough excitement for one day, I have one hell of a headache, and all I really want to do is take a few painkillers and let myself pass out for a couple hours." She wasn't disoriented enough to voice the thought that letting someone who seemed half-crazy fish around in her brain for the fragmented memories that were lurking there didn't exactly sound like a fun idea, though she supposed if there ever came a point that she couldn't deal with the random paralyzing flashbacks anymore that she might take him up on the offer. Ash turned her attention back to Tirzah, wrapping her arms around the child and gently kissing her forehead, trying to draw her back out of the shell that she'd withdrawn into. "Hey, kiddo... you wanna go back to our room and rest for a little bit?"
  2. Ash's head jerked up at the words in her head, her eyes going wide as they darted from person to person at the table before finally settling on Darex. She wasn't aware of the way her hand dropped to her pocket, covering the datapad there that held the copies of her holos, too stunned by the words in her mind that belonged to someone else. Her gaze went back to Tirzah, a smile softening her face as she watched her daughter for a few seconds before looking back over at Darex with an almost imperceptible shake of her head and a slight shrug. She frowned for a second, not at all sure if she was capable of replying to the Jedi Master's question in kind, but deciding it wouldn't hurt to try. She concentrated on the aching spot in her mind, willing her words to reach Darex. Adopted her. Don't know where she's from. Just knew she was important. The ache eased for a moment before returning and spreading, and Ash let her chin drop as she squeezed her eyes shut, not recognizing the onset of another flashback until it had already overtaken her. As she began to drift to consciousness, Ashley's eyes squeezed more tightly shut, only to snap open as memories flooded her mind and she shot to a sitting position. "Jaina!" No sooner had that happened, however, than she fell back again as pain rocketed through her head, and she squeezed her eyes shut against the light. "Force... what did he hit me with?" Slowly, she opened her eyes, squinting, trying to make sense of her surroundings. Knowing that her head would only hurt worse if she tried to sit up again, she stayed down, turning her head slightly to look around. And then she finally made sense of her surroundings. A ship. "Great... " Jaina's voice, soft, as if she knew that her sister was dealing with the mother of all headaches. "Morning, Ash..." “You should stay lying down, Ashley." This voice came from behind Jaina, when she looked, and revealed Raynuk's back at a small stove for cooking. He seemed oddly calm for the situation, taking it as if there was nothing unusual about having two Jedi, one of whom he had knocked out not much earlier, on his ship. He finally turned after a few moments, stirring a mug of some sort of steaming liquid. He remained silent, as he put the mug down next to Ashley, and turned back to pour two more mugs. "And Jaina is perfectly fine, so quit your worrying. She's been up in the cockpit up until right now, if you're wondering, and we're on my ship, in space." *He took a sip out of his own mug and continued as he handed Jaina her own mug. "You should drink that," he said, motioning to the mug he had placed next to her. "It'll make that headache go away a lot faster." With a slight groan, Ashley pushed herself up onto one elbow, reaching for the mug Raynuk had set down beside her. She drank part of it, then carefully lay back down again, rubbing a hand across her eyes before opening them again and squinting at Raynuk. "Did you hit me with your fist?" And as seemed to be the case with all of these instances of sudden memory, when Ash regained control of herself she was on the floor, hands clutching her head, short of breath and drenched in sweat. And instead of just her daughter's concerned eyes, she now had a small audience. “Great,” she muttered under her breath, pushing herself back up to a sitting position and rubbing the back of her neck, looking up at the table full of people. “I'm all right...” she said more loudly, forcing herself back to her feet so she could sit back down at the table like a normal human being. “This has just been happening lately.” She took a sip of her cup of caf to distract herself for a second, trying to gather her thoughts and absorb the information she'd just regained. And then it slapped her in the face, and she almost dropped her mug as the implications hit her, her voice coming out in the barest of whispers. "Jaina's my sister..."
  3. Ash wasn't sure what to make of this display, this quasi-Jedi Master sitting there, covered in icing and cake, courtesy of her daughter's latest shenanigans. She shook her head, trying not to smile as she glanced down at Tirzah's huddled form at her feet. She was torn between trying to admonish her daughter and just laughing, as this man called Aryian was clearly rather pleased with the results. This conundrum seemed to be happening a lot since they'd left Endor. She settled for pulling Tirzah up off of the floor, plopping her back onto the bench between herself and Jax. Force users were a food fight waiting to happen, trained or not. She kept that thought to herself though, aware Tirzah had garnered enough amusement from her trick and it didn't really seem as if it would take much goading for Aryian to decide to show off some more... he didn't really seem entirely stable. She picked up a cupcake off of the table, her eyes focusing on nothing at all, dimly aware of Tirzah continuing her one-sided conversation with Jax, the thought finally occurring to her that she had once been a Jedi, however long ago that was. That she was capable of these feats that the others had been performing, and she hadn't really had an inkling of it at all since waking up on Hapes. Sometimes, the fact that she couldn't remember anything got under her skin. Despite the fact that Tirzah had become her world and she wouldn't trade the little girl for anything, sometimes she just wished that even if just for a moment, she could remember, so she would know where she was from, who Jaina was, what she meant to her, why she'd been carrying a holo of Tirzah long before she'd ever set eyes on the little girl. Tirzah's giggling pulled Ash out of her reverie, and her eyes refocused in time to see the cupcake that she'd thought she'd been holding drop back into her palm. She blinked, wondering if she was seeing things, as the dull pain that she'd come to associate with her flashbacks settled in at the base of her skull. Maybe she was just going crazy.
  4. The present-tense from the intro was originally supposed to catch up at the wedding... and then Zae dug her nails into me and made me keep writing. One of many things that I need to fix and plan to when I rewrite this at some point in the future, but for now it'll stay as is. *shrugs* Aaaaaand the finale: --------------------------------- That kiss ended far too soon, if my opinion counted for anything. Daer still held my face between his hands, and he gazed down into my eyes as if he could lose himself in them. “I love you, Zae,” he repeated softly. I reached for our bond then, pouring my love for him back through it, but he shook his head gently and rested his forehead against mine. “I need to hear you say it. Please?” I inhaled sharply, teeth finding my lower lip as I fought against the sudden feeling of blind panic, forcing myself to relax as I looked up at him. “I love you,” I whispered, eyes on his, feeling suddenly liberated as I forced myself to let go of needless fears. “I've loved you all along, Daer.” His crushing embrace was all the answer I needed, and I clung to him, wondering if this was all a dream, if I would wake up and he would be gone and I'd be alone. But the wonderful feeling of his arms around me didn't disappear, and I breathed a sigh of relief that he was here with me. We further lost track of time, standing there, and I suddenly noticed that the sun was gone and darkness was rapidly descending. “Daer... it's getting dark.” He pulled back from me, glancing up at the sky. “I brought some camping supplies. It's not worth trying to ride back now.” He cupped my cheek in his hand, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead. “You get a fire started, I'll set up the tent.” It didn't take long to find enough wood to build a decent fire, and as I sat it front of its crackling heat watching Daer finish pitching a tent, my stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten anything all day. As if on cue, he pulled two carefully wrapped bowls from one of his saddlebags, handing me one as he sat down next to me. I kissed him in thanks, still marveling at the feeling, carefully removing the waterproof skin covering the top of the bowl. He laughed as he watched me eat like a person half-starved. “I'm glad I thought to pack up a few things before coming after you,” he joked, starting on his own. “Else you might've tried to eat me.” I laughed at that, and we both dug into our food, finishing the meal out in comfortable silence. I leaned up against him, enjoying the feel of him against me as I stared into the fire. And then I must have dozed off again, because when I woke I found myself lying on the ground, my head in his lap, a blanket covering me as he idly played with a few loose strands of my hair. “I don't know why you set a tent up if we're just gonna stay out here all night,” I said sleepily, rubbing my eyes with the heel of my hand. “I didn't want to wake you.” He smiled down at me. “You looked so peaceful. Ready for bed?” I nodded, and he helped me to my feet and over to the tent. He pulled close to him once we were both laying down, kissing me gently and guiding my head onto his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me. “Sleep well, Zae,” he whispered. And I did. ---- I awoke the next morning in the same position, and I savored the feeling as I listened to the birds singing and the wind lightly rustling the leaves. My attempts at stretching roused Daer from his continued slumber, and I lost myself in his eyes again as he reached over to to touch my cheek. “Morning, beautiful,” he murmured, his voice still thick with sleepiness as he slipped a hand behind my head and pulled me in for a kiss, and a thrill went through me at the word. The intensity of his emotions left me breathless, and I found tears in my eyes as he pulled away. “Hey, what's wrong?” he asked softly, his voice tinged with concern. “Nothing.” I shook my head firmly, sniffling a few times. “I just... I almost lost this. I should have lost this, because I was too afraid, and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and she almost took you away from me, and I was going to let her.” The words tumbled from my mouth as the tears began to flow again, and I had the somewhat absurd thought that I had been done crying about this. Obviously not. “Hey.” Daer pushed himself up to a sitting position, pulling me into a hug and gently rocking me back and forth. “Shhh, Zae, it's all right. We've got each other now, it doesn't matter any more.” Reassurance wrapped around me like a blanket, soothing my frayed nerves as I cried into Daer's shoulder. “You don't have to worry about her anymore, Zae, she's gone, it's just you and me.” He continued his soft whispering into my ear, pouring love and support through our bond until my tears were finally spent. I stayed there, though, my face against his chest, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat, marveling that I could. Finally feeling stable again, I looked up at him with a shaky smile. “I love you, you know.” His smile could have lit up the entire city at night, I thought. “I'll never get enough of hearing you say that,” he murmured, claiming my mouth again. “I love you, too.” He cleared his throat. “As much as I would love nothing more than to spend the entire day here with you, we should probably start back or my parents are going to start getting worried.” His parents. My heart bottomed out, and Daer squeezed my hand reassuringly as I thought of the wedding that I'd ruined. “How much of a mess did I make?” “Not so much as you'd think, actually. My mother's thrilled, she never liked Aeva to begin with, and she's always had a soft spot for you.” His lips quirked. “It took some effort to talk Aeva and her parents down, but my father managed. And the feast afterward kept everyone else happy. Everyone likes dinner and a show, after all,” he joked. His eyes softened at the worry and uncertainty I was feeling. “You shouldn't worry about it. It'll all work out.” I had to say the next words. I didn't want to. I didn't want to doubt him. I wanted to push them out of my mind and forget they had ever been there. But I knew that if I did, it would be hard for me to ever truly believe that Daer loved me more than anyone else, even with our bond. “And Aeva?” Bewilderment colored his features for a moment before our bond gave the actual meaning of the question away. He reached down, taking both of my hands in his. “Zae... intentionally or not, you just saved me from making what would have been a catastrophic mistake. Aeva was... I was trying to fill an empty spot, trying to do the right thing and move on. I suppose I did love her, after a fashion. But it wasn't the way that I should have. It... it wasn't the way I love you.” He squeezed my hands tightly to reinforce the thought, and whispered the next words. “You never have to doubt that again.” We began to pack the camp up in companionable silence. It was only when I looked down at my ruined dress that something else occurred to me. “You didn't happen to bring me a change of clothes, did you?” I asked hopefully. “Hmm...” Daer drew out the word as he looked over the few bundles that were left on the ground, a thoughtful look on his face. Picking one up, he held it behind his back and grinned. “Such a shame, though. You look so breathtaking in that dress. What's it worth to you?” I kissed him soundly then, amazed that during my headlong rush to get away from him he'd come after me so well prepared. I peeked inside the bundle, finding my riding clothes, and I kissed him again. “You know me so well. Thank you.” His smile was all the answer I needed, and I ducked inside the tent to change and roll up all of the bedding. The ride home was quiet, uneventful, and left my mind open to wondering. A few years or even a few months ago, I wouldn't have been able to imagine myself so emotionally open as I'd been that morning. Whether it was Daer influencing me through the bond or just a result of the bond itself- can't hide your emotions from your bond mate after all, so you might as well put them out there- I didn't know. But I liked it. And I loved the amazing man riding next to me, and I was going to make up for lost time. Our arrival back at the castle was met with a flurry of activity, and we were both caught up into the whirlwind. Hugs from his parents, and from mine, whom I guiltily found out had been waiting up most of the night waiting for my return. From there it was a meeting with the castle's architectural team, who would be redesigning what was going to become our wing- yes, an entire wing- of the castle to fit our wishes. Then plans to move my belongings, which truthfully mostly consisted of my extensive book collective, from the smithy to the castle. Somewhere in the clamor I thought I caught wind of talk of hosting a proper wedding reception as well, even. Needless to say, my head was reeling by the time everything was said and done. I wasn't used to being the center of attention. After all of the planners had finally left us alone, Daer and I sat in his- our- room, heads buzzing with all of the information we'd just had to process. Struck by sudden inspiration, I grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the room. I could tell he was puzzled as we ran to the top of one of the towers, but I waited until we had reached the top to flash him a grin. “I've wanted to do this for a long time.” Not waiting for him to respond, I began to climb, fitting my fingers and toes into cracks and crevices in the wall and pulling myself upward. He laughed then, and I grinned down at him as he started up after me. I finally pulled myself up and over the edge of the roof, throwing my arms out to either side and letting out an exhilarated whoop before leaning over to give Daer a hand up. He moved behind me, wrapping his arms securely about me as we stood there and looked out over our city. “Remember the last time we were on a roof together?” he murmured softly, the brush of his lips against my ear sending a pleasant chill down my spine. “We've come so far since then.” I laughed softly. “I remember seeing the look in your eyes and thinking that the discussion wasn't over. And now I'm glad that it wasn't.” I looked up at him, his cerulean eyes meeting mine. “I'm glad you never gave up on me.” He tightened his arms around me in response and pressed his cheek up against mine, and I sighed in content. I knew that no matter what the future held for us, we'd get through it, together. Because neither or us would ever be alone again. ------ It's been fourteen years since that day that flipped my life upside down and gave me everything I'd ever wanted and hadn't dared to hope for. Daer and I have two children- our daughter, Rin, turns twelve in two more months and her brother, Kel is seven. They both have Daer's green eyes underneath my hair, though the grins that I see so often from both of them are completely Daer's. Rin'll be leaving us to live on one of farms outside the city shortly. The farmer and his wife have twin children her age, which is part of the reason why we chose to send her there. I've gone to great lengths to assure myself that my children will not have the lonely childhood that I had before Daer came along. Royal life has been... an adjustment, to say the least, even before my two wonderful children came along. Daer's father passed away shortly after Kel was born, which made his transition to becoming king a little bit rough at first, but his mother has been such a huge help and blessing to us through everything. The four of us have spent this afternoon out in the practice yard, and as Daer reaches over to correct Rin's grip on her sword, my memories flash back to that first day, so long ago, when a prince reached out to a lonely girl and became her friend. Kel has picked this moment to clamber up onto the bench next to me, clutching the wooden sword that he's been playing with. His voice pulls me back from my reminiscing. “Mommy, where did you meet Daddy?” I smile down at him, tousling his hair as I pull him onto my lap. “Well... that's a long story, you sure you ready for this?” ------------------------------------------ The end. As I mentioned above, I'm currently in the rather long process of rewriting, expanding, world building, and turning this into something more than it is right now, although I have no complaints about as is other than the fact that it still has no actual title and I still am of the opinion that it sucks. Not bad for the first thing I've written in six years, though. Thanks for reading, folks.
  5. Ash couldn't help but smile at her daughter's antics as the small group at their table grew. She reached around Tirzah, offering Moon her hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Moon." She turned her attention back to her food for a few moments, idly listening in as Tirzah rambled on. "Man-do-ah-day, sweetie," the correction left her mouth of its own accord, pure reflex, her fork stopping halfway to her mouth as the words registered in her brain. How the kriff do I know anything about Mandalorians? Shaking her head at herself, Ash forced herself to continue with her meal. That was just one more mystery to add to the ever-growing list of things she didn't understand about herself. She looked up just in time to see Darex rush past, depositing Jax on the bench next to Tirzah with a quick request, and then buzz back out of the mess hall. Towards the hangar bays, if Ash hadn't gotten her sense of direction confused during the journey to and from their room. Tirzah's somewhat concerned voice pulled her attention back to the table. She frowned thoughtfully. "No, sweetie, I don't think Jax is in trouble. I'm sure Master Darex is fine, he's in charge and he's probably just very busy." Satisfied with that answer, at least for the moment, Tirzah returned to her somewhat one-sided conversation with Jax, who was more interested in eating than replying, and Ash turned back to look at Moon, offering a smile. "Thank you. She's never had many friends... they were always afraid of the blind girl who somehow acted as if she could see. This is good for her." Her hands idly moved Tirzah's empty dishes back onto the tray. "It makes me sure that I made the right choice in bringing her here."
  6. As demanded... "moar". --------------------------- Aeva returned a month before the wedding, full entourage in tow. I briefly met her parents, who seemed nice enough, and the encounter left me wondering how Aeva could have possibly come from two people that seemed normal and pleasant. I spent the majority of that month at the castle. Unfortunately, that meant seeing more of Aeva than I wanted to, but with all of the preparations that still needed to be done I could practically see Daer's stress level rising and my presence seemed to keep him calmer. And so I ignored Aeva's furtive glares and paved things over for Daer as best I could. The night before the wedding found me sitting atop one of the castle's many towers, wedged firmly in a crenelation. I stared out at the sunset, lost in thought, hoping and praying that my entire life wouldn't change tomorrow, that I wouldn't be losing the only friend I'd ever had. Part of me, I think, wanted to cede defeat then and there, as if it would hurt less if I acknowledged that it was coming beforehand. A voice in the back of my mind whispered that it would be for Daer's benefit more than anything else, that Aeva would make his life miserable if I was still in the picture because she would always view me as a threat. I almost gave up in that moment. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of going back to the smithy and living the rest of my life out broken and alone because I'd abandoned the only person who'd every meant anything to me. No. I wouldn't leave Daer to that fate. Even if Aeva never stopped hating me, (and truthfully, I was pretty sure that I'd never have any positive feelings about her) I would not turn my back on my best friend. Even if it meant I would die inside. ------ The morning of the wedding dawned bright and gorgeous- obscenely so, to me, since I felt more like I was going to be attending a funeral than a wedding. A glance out my window showed the courtyard to be full of people slowly filing into the vestry. Sighing, I turned from the view and set to work getting ready for my impending doom. Somehow, Daer had managed to convince me to wear a gown for this. It was simple at least- straight lines, ankle length. The seamstresses had finally settled on a mid-toned blue because it matched my eyes, and despite my state of gloom I had to admit that they'd done a fantastic job on it. And even I could see that I looked good in it. That helped a little. Finally satisfied (as much as I would ever be, at least) with my appearance after what felt like too long a time, I left my room, leisurely navigating that hallways that would lead me to the waiting room behind the vestry's altar. I found Daer inside, nervously fiddling with the cords on his dress coat. “You still can't get these right?” I teased him, stilling his hands and adjusting the knot at his shoulder so that the cords fell into their proper places. “There. You had the knot drawn in too much again.” He covered my hand with his, and I forced myself myself to ignore the way that my heart skipped a beat. This was his wedding day. I wouldn't think about him that way. I wouldn't. “Thanks, Zae,” he said, turning to the mirror to check his appearance. In the reflection, his eyes met mine. “You look good.” “You clean up pretty good yourself.” I smiled as he turned back to face me. “You ready for this?” “Ready as I'll ever be, I guess.” He looked at me, brow furrowed. “Zae, I don't know if I'm-” The chiming of the bells signaling the beginning of the ceremony cut him off, and I tried to hide my relief even as my mind struggled to complete his sentence. Making the right choice? Able to keep his promise? Either way... I wasn't sure that I wanted to hear it. And I wasn't sure that I didn't. “Well... Time to go.” I spoke the words casually to disguise the fact that I was desperate for him to just call this off and squeezed his hand one last time as I held the door open. “After you.” He stared at me for a moment and then sighed softly, a look of resignation covering his face as he stepped through the door to meet his bride. It wasn't until we all stood on the altar and I saw Aeva standing there in her flawless white wedding gown that it it hit me. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, stabbed me in the heart, and then trampled me for good measure. That should've been me. I was so preoccupied with keep a pleasant expression on my face, for Daer's sake, that I completely missed the first half of the ceremony. I didn't hear a word of what the priest said. And I almost missed my cue to join the rest of the wedding party at the bonding stone. Ah. I forgot to mention that earlier. Wedding parties always consist of four people- the bride and groom, and their two witnesses. Each person places a hand on this stone- it's this boulder-sized, crystalline rock- the bride and groom's hands touching, the witnesses on either side a few inches away. At the end of the priest's chant, the bond is complete, and the stone glows. Similarly to the eye color change, the strength of the resulting bond determines the brightness of the glow. The stone acts as the channel that creates the bond between the bride and groom. Or something. Like I said, the priests are the only ones who really understand how this whole thing works. We all had meetings with the priest the day before the ceremony so that we would know what to expect... Obviously I'm to expect a vibrating stone underneath my hand. I'm not sure why this merited a meeting. I hesitated, just a fraction of a second, before putting my hand on the stone. The ceremony doesn't work without four people. No one knows why, it just doesn't. For a moment I had these grand thoughts of refusing to do it, but I couldn't go through with it. I'm sure Aeva would've just produced someone else to take my place, and I couldn't do that to Daer. And so with four hands planted firmly on the crystalline surface, the priest began his chant. The bonding stone began to vibrate, ever so softly, but I'd been told what to expect beforehand, so it wasn't a cause for alarm. I wasn't expecting what happened next, though. As the priest's voice gained volume, I became aware of warmth, slowly seeping through my fingers. I frowned, but kept my hand in place, not wanting to be the one to screw anything up. It slowly spread through my entire hand, and when it reached my wrist I was sure something wasn't going as planned. Molten heat shot up my arm, my veins feeling as if someone had replaced my blood with liquid fire. It spread through my shoulder, up my neck, into my skull, and then to my eyes, though to my surprise the feeling wasn't unpleasant. It was at this point in time that I realized that even if I had wanted to take my hand away from the conductive stone in front of me I couldn't have... It was firmly stuck in place as the fire raced through me. I love you. I wasn't sure where the words came from. I didn't remember thinking them. I forced my eyes open as I felt the heat begin to recede back down my limb, and saw with some astonishment that the bonding stone was glowing as brightly as a bonfire. My gaze moved to the priest, who was staring at the group of us, mouth slightly agape. I was confused, and I'm sure it showed on my face. No one had told me about anything remotely close to that happening, and the odd feeling in the back of my head hadn't gone away. Aeva broke the silence first. “That's it? All it did was vibrate a little.” And then Daer turned around and look at me, and my heart leapt into my throat. Because instead of the muddy green that I'd been expecting his eyes to morph into, the ones that bored into mine were a shimmering cerulean. ---- For a moment it was if my body had shut itself off. I couldn't hear anything, couldn't move, couldn't breathe. All I could do was stare, astonished, at Daer's face. And his eyes. Oh, those brilliant eyes. I still hadn't made the connection, though, hadn't realized what happened. It was if my brain were stuck in a loop and all I could think, over and over again, was how could have Aeva's lackluster brown eyes possibly caused this to happen. I was snapped out of my reverie when Aeva realized what had happened, observing the way the Daer and I could do nothing but stare at each other. “YOU!” she screeched, lunging toward me. Her palm connected with my face, leaving a bright red outline of her hand on my cheek. The blow brought me back to reality, and as Daer stepped between me and my assailant, I became aware of the dull roar of a murmuring audience. Two more priests had joined the officiator, and they stood huddled together, talking in hushed whispers as they periodically glanced over at me. In hindsight, I'm sure it wasn't just me, but that's what my overloaded brain thought at the time. My eyes darted back and forth from the crowd, to the priests, to Daer and Aeva standing in front of me, now almost shouting at each other as Daer defended me. “Oh,” I breathed, the words lost in the tumult of sound echoing through the vestry. “Oh, no.” And as I felt the gazes of a thousand people falling on me, I panicked and did the first thing that came to mind. I ran. I dashed blindly down the hallways, tears clouding my sight as I struggled to come with terms with what had just happened. All I wanted to do was hide and pretend that it hadn't happened, that I hadn't ruined my best friend's wedding. Somehow, I ended up on my horse (how I pulled that one off in a gown, I still don't know) galloping across the countryside, the wind whipping my tears out of my eyes and across my cheeks. I didn't know where I was going, didn't care... I just let my horse run, as fast and as far as we could. Ironically, it wasn't far enough. I guess we'd been to the river so many times that that's just where my horse had expected that we were going, and so that's where we ended up. When I let myself slip to the ground I discovered that I had lost both of my shoes at some point, and for a few seconds I let myself be distracted by the squishing noise that my toes made in the mud. But the gravity of the situation couldn't be ignored, and I all but collapsed at the base of a tree- our tree, the one where'd we spent so much time together- and I cried. Because while part of me acknowledged that this was what I had wanted all along, another part was terrified that Daer would hate me for it. I was so irrationally frightened by that thought that it consumed me, keeping my mind from being able to process the echoing feelings that it was receiving from my newly-formed bond with Daer. Which, wryly enough, would have probably calmed me down quite a bit. I cried myself to exhaustion, and must've fallen asleep, because my next coherent thought was bewilderment as something wet nudged my face. I pried my eyes open to find my horse staring down at me, and pushed myself back up to a sitting position. A quick glance at the horizon proved that I either hadn't been paying attention or I'd been unconscious for several hours, as sunset was quickly approaching. The last thing I needed after the day's events was to be stuck outside the city after nightfall, so I pushed myself to my feet and set about trying to figure out how I had managed to ride the entire way out here and how I was going to duplicate that feat to get back. I'd become increasingly aware of a sense of worry as I tried to puzzle my way through getting back on my horse, though I'd written it off as part of my wrecked emotional state. What didn't make sense was the way that it kept growing stronger. Yep. I was still oblivious. It wasn't until I heard the faintest whisper of my name carried to me on the wind that I realized that it wasn't my worry I was feeling, that it was Daer's. And so, swallowing hard against my fears, I concentrated on that part of my mind and tried to think reassuring thoughts, not really sure if Daer would understand what I was trying to do. It must've worked well enough, because the worry changed to relief and I couldn't help but smile and shake my head as I remembered my mind-numbing paranoia of Daer hating me for what I'd caused. That was never something I'd need to worry about. Daer practically leapt off of his horse when he rode over the edge of the embankment and saw me, and I didn't even have time to react before he had swept me into his embrace, holding me tightly against him. I buried my face in his shoulder, my arms wound about his neck, and slowly became aware of a new emotion seeping through our bond. Love. It was overwhelming at first, and I thought my heart would beat its way out of my body as I clung to him, my chest heaving as I gasped for breath. The intensity crumbled my remaining resolve, and I found myself reciprocating the feeling as best I knew how. His voice came out muffled, his face buried in my hair. “Don't ever do that to me again, Zae. I can't handle it.” “I'm sorry.” Impossibly then, I laughed, joy overtaking me and bubbling through our bond to him. Catching it, he pulled back from me, his hands tenderly framing my face as he radiated delight. “I love you,” he breathed, and then he was kissing me, and my hands were wound through his hair, pulling him closer as if I couldn't get enough of him. And I couldn't. But in that moment, I knew I'd have a lifetime to try. ---------- ...no, that is not the end.
  7. This one's a bit longer, I think... Enjoy. ------- That first week after Daer left was the only time in six years that I'd been alone, and it was probably the longest week of my life. I alternated between missing Daer terribly and being annoyed and that he was even capable of making me feel so uncertain. I told myself that I wouldn't go chasing after him. But at the end of the week, I still found myself in the smithy's small stable saddling my horse. Because all other issues aside, Daer was still my best friend, and I wasn't about to let a few stumbles in our relationship be the cause of exactly what I was trying to avoid. While I rode, I tried not to think too about how I would react when I saw him again, or how he would react when he saw me. I'm prone to over-thinking, and I knew that if I let myself dwell on it I would turn around and go back home and spend another week moping in my room. When I arrived, Daer was leading his own horse out of the stables, saddlebags loaded and a few other things strapped down on top of them. His face lit up when he saw me, and I had to shove away the sudden pang of guilt I felt, telling the whisper in my mind that surely it's normal for people to go a week without seeing their friends, ignoring it when it argued back that Daer and I were far from normal friends. He stopped next to me, looking up with that brilliant smile of his. “I was about to come get you,” he said, gesturing at his saddlebags. “It's picnic day.” He stopped for a moment, then laughed. “Really, I just wanted a reason to escape for the day.” I smirked, chastising myself for the way my heartbeat spiked at his smile. This was not normal, and I needed normal. “Perk of being me. I get to come and go whenever I please while you're stuck here.” He stuck his tongue out at me as he put one foot into the stirrup, hoisting himself into the saddle in one fluid motion. “Race you to the river?” he asked. I grinned, wheeling around while he settled himself into the saddle. “Catch me if you can!” I kicked my horse into a gallop and raced off, his laughter echoing behind me as he gave chase. That day was the first in a long while- probably since our last trip to the castle, if I was truthful with myself- that we felt like us again. We joked, we laughed, Daer tried to catch a fish with his bare hands in the river, and I sat on the bank and laughed at him as all he managed to accomplish was getting thoroughly soaked. The subject of the-night-which-shall-never-be-spoken-of was avoided completely, and I felt as if all of the pieces had finally clicked back into place and we were whole again. And though I wouldn't admit it, even to myself, for quite some time, that was the day when the first seed of doubt about my decision firmly planted itself in my mind. --- The next hurdle in our relationship- for me, at least- came almost a year later. Daer and I had, by that point, settled back into our comfortable dynamic, though I still caught him occasionally gazing at me when he thought I didn't notice. But neither of us brought the subject up. I began to hope that he had just forgotten about it- at least that's what I told myself. It was a particularly hectic time for me- as one of the better blacksmiths in the city, my father had been contracted to do a rather large amount of work, and a large portion of my days had been dedicated to helping at the smithy... mostly acting as a runner for my father to make sure he had everything that he needed. I was mentally and physically exhausted at the end of that week, but I had promised Daer that I would meet him for archery practice, so I did my best to remove the soot and grime and headed into the city, towards the castle. Daer wasn't at the stables, which I momentarily thought odd because he always waited for me there when he was expecting me. I shrugged it off though- I was running a little bit late and more than likely he was already at the range setting targets up- and turned my attention to getting my horse settled into a stall before slinging my bow over my shoulder and heading off to find him. And then I wished I hadn't. He was, indeed, already at the range... but he wasn't alone. He stood near the targets, actively engaged in conversation with a girl- a girl who looked like everything that I wasn't: self-assured, beautiful, and if I could judge by the way she was dressed, nobility. I felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart. I ducked back behind the wall, my breath coming as heaving gasps, biting back the tears that threatened to overtake me and mentally berating myself. I'd already turned him down twice, did I really think he'd keep his focus on me forever, when I insisted I wasn't interested? That didn't stop it from hurting, though. I lost track of time as I stood there, hidden behind the wall, trying desperately to regain my equilibrium. Finally my breathing slowed back to a normal rate and my eyes no longer burned. Sure that my emotions were firmly in check, I took a deep breath and jogged around the corner as if I had run from the stables. “Sorry I'm late, Daer-” I called out, stopping suddenly as if I were surprised to see someone else with him. “Oh. Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt.” Both of them turned to look at me, and if I hadn't been so upset by the situation already I might've laughed. Daer's face lit up, as it usually does after we haven't seen each other for a few days, and I watched a series of emotions pass over the girl's- astonishment, incredulity, and what I do believe was a flash of jealousy- before she plastered on a smile and looked back at Daer. “Who's this?” He grinned. “This is my best friend. Aeva, meet-” I cut him off, stepping up to them and extending my hand. “Zaerien. Nice to meet you, Aeva.” Whomever this girl was, I would not afford her the privilege of calling me Zae. Daer raised an eyebrow at me, slightly puzzled at my reaction, and I shook my head minutely at him as Aeva flashed another artificial smile at me. “Excuse us for a moment, won't you?” she asked, her voice so artificially sweet it was a wonder she didn't gag herself. “Of course.” I stepped over to one of the benches to get my equipment ready, pretending that I couldn't hear them conversing behind me as Aeva confronted Daer. “You didn't mention your best friend was a she.” I could hear the bewilderment in Daer's voice. “I didn't realize it was something worth mentioning.” “Really, Daerius? You see no problem with the fact that your 'best friend' is a woman?” He laughed, though familiar as I was with him I could hear the slight note of strain in it. “She's from my foster family, Aeva. I grew up with her. Please don't tell me this is about some petty jealously.” My heart constricted at his words and I instantly lost the small bit of pleasure that I'd gotten when she'd called him by his full name and not Daer. Determined not to react, I forced myself to concentrate on stringing my bow, refusing to think about the night that he'd told me he loved me. Finally she answered him. “No. No of course not.”I heard her kiss him, and found myself hoping that it was only on the cheek. “I'll see you tomorrow.” With those words, she finally left us alone, not so much as looking at me as she walked past. I watched her leave, waiting until I was sure she was out of earshot to turn back and smirk at Daer. “New girlfriend?” The look on his face was distinctly uncomfortable. “Zae...” “She's a real charmer.” I let my smirk morph into a lopsided smile. “I hope she makes you happy, Daer.” He looked like he wanted to say something, but I already had an arrow notched and I really didn't want to discuss the topic further. “Ready to lose, Your Highness?” It wasn't until later that night, when I was safely in my room, that I collapsed into bed sore and exhausted, and cried myself to sleep. --- Aeva, unfortunately, did not go away as I was hoping she would, nor did her attitude towards me change. It probably didn't help that Daer refused to give up our time together. And I'm not going to lie, I wasn't about to suggest that we let her come with us on our countryside trips. I quickly became accustomed to being glared at, especially when Daer wasn't paying attention, and soon found myself rather adept at completely ignoring her without actually appearing to. Two could play at that game, and if Aeva was expecting me to react to her subtle jabs and somehow tarnish myself in Daer's eyes, she would be sorely disappointed. But my turn at disappointment was coming, I just didn't know it yet. Well... disappointment might not be strong enough a word. To me, it felt like the world was ending. It was the day after Daer's twentieth birthday. I'd been sick for a few days and missed his actual birthday, so we'd packed a picnic after practice that morning and ventured out. Aeva, strangely enough, was nowhere to be seen. Not that I minded. Daer had been unusually subdued all day, my attempts at animating him falling short. As we sat there eating, I finally got tired of the silence and nudged him with my shoulder. “Hey, what's with you?” He was silent for another moment, staring down at his food. “Zae... I asked Aeva to marry me.” There was that stabbed-in-the-heart feeling again. “Oh.” I sucked in a breath to replace the air that had rushed out of my lungs, forcing a smile onto my face for him. “That... that's great, Daer. I'm happy for you.” He finally looked up at me, his eyes roaming over my face. “You don't have to pretend to be happy about it, you know. I understand.” I couldn't think about this, not now. I couldn't break down here. “No, really.” I took another bite to distract myself, willing myself not to choke as I swallowed. “I'm glad she makes you happy. You deserve it.” I cast a glance at the horizon, making myself think of something, anything else. “It's getting late, we should get back.” And that night as I lay in my bed and cried myself to sleep again, I couldn't help but think that those amazing green eyes should never be darkened by brown ones. Well. I guess that's something else I should explain. Marriage here is... well, binding, to say the least. Our priests are also mages, and it's not like some other places that I've heard of where people say a few words to each other and they're married, and then six months later they decide that they don't want to be so they're not. It might've been a little easier for me to cope with Daer marrying Aeva if that was the situation. The priests keep the details of the process itself a closely guarded secret, but what I can tell you is that once the bonding ceremony is complete, there is an emotional bond that exists between the participants that only death can break. On top of that- and I've always thought of this as a side affect of the mental bond- the eye colors of the married couple will overlay and mesh together. The strength of the bond directly corresponds to how noticeable the change of eye color is. Now, as to why this bothered me so much. As I'm sure I've mentioned, Daer's eyes are amazing. They this bright green, so bright that they almost shimmer. They're the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Aeva's eyes are brown. Not a bright shiny brown that would turn his eyes into an almost-tolerable hazel, but drab, almost lifeless. She was going to ruin my best friend's eyes. ---- It was another month before Daer and I talked about his pending nuptials again. I could, at least, be grateful for small favors- Aeva had returned to her parents' home to prepare for the wedding, so I didn't have to deal with her constant presence at the castle. I wanted to enjoy my time with my best friend, and I knew I wouldn't have been able to with her there. He chose to bring it up right in the middle of swordplay, while we were both drenched in sweat, circling, trying to find a weakness in the other's defense. “So I know I probably don't need to ask this, but you're going to stand with me at the wedding, right?” As a stun tactic, the question worked rather well. My grip on my sword went slack, and Daer's next blow sent it tumbling across the sand. I stared at it for a moment, dumbfounded, before looking back at him uncertainly. “I really don't know if that's a good idea, Daer. I don't know if you've noticed, but Aeva kind of hates me.” To say nothing of how much the thought of him marrying her tore me up inside. He frowned. “She doesn't hate you, Zae. She just hasn't really gotten a chance to know you yet.” I shook my head, trudging across the sand to retrieve my sword. “She's had almost a year to get to know me, Daer, and it's not for lack of opportunities. Have you ever though that maybe it's because she doesn't want to?” His jaw set stubbornly, and suddenly I knew this was a fight I wasn't going to win. “I don't care what she thinks of you. I have little enough say in the rest of the planning for a this wedding, she can respect my wishes for this. You're my best friend, Zae, I need you standing up there with me. Please?” I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. “Fine. But you have to promise me something.” The tension left his jaw. “Anything.” A thousand thoughts sprang to mind when he said that- don't marry her, run away with me, please don't do this- but I held them back. “Promise me the same thing you promised the night before you left the smithy.” His eyes darkened for a moment, as we were both well aware of what he had said that night, but then he laughed as he realized what I was talking about. “That's it?” he asked, taking me by the shoulders and pulling me into a hug. “Zae, you are never going to lose me. I told you... I need you.” I nodded up against his shoulder. “Okay then. Deal.” I just wished that it were that easy to banish the fear that marrying Aeva would take him from me.
  8. "Who is Jaina? The words echoed in Ash's head, colliding and mingling with the confirmation that she had, indeed, been a Jedi at some point in her past, and she just stood there next to the bed for a while, still holding her duffle, lost in thought. She was dimly aware of Tirzah exploring their new quarters, rattling off questions without waiting for the answers and going on about Jax. Ash smiled. If nothing else, she was glad that they came here for that reason. For Tirzah to finally have a friend- a human one- was no small feat, even given the age difference. Her daughter would blossom here. Tirzah appeared in front of her suddenly, breaking her from her reverie, to ask if they could go meet Jax and Darex for dinner, and Ash could do nothing but smile at her daughter's enthusiasm. After spending so many years in isolation, she'd almost been worried that it would take Tirzah a good while to readjust to human company. "Of course, kiddo. I'm starved, bet you are too, huh?" Leaving the still-full duffle on the bed, Ash took her daughter's hand and they left the room, setting off in the direction that Darex had indicated the mess hall to be in. She joked with her daughter as they wandered down the corridors to the mess hall, and Tirzah giggled, the laughter ringing through the hallways. And then Ash found herself on her knees, that place in the back of her head exploding with pain as the mental static started again. This time though, the images were easier to translate, as if the pathways of her mind were adjusting to them. Jaina laughed, the musical sound echoing in the near-empty hangar. "Come on, Ash," she whispered loudly enough so that Andon would have to try very very hard not to hear, with a wink at its intended recipiant. "We can take him on..." As their giggles died down, Jaina glanced between the two of them. "Hey," she began, using her matter-of-fact tone. "How would you guys like to join me and Ish for lunch?" When she regained control of herself, Tirzah was standing over her, looking torn between being scared about what had just happened or relieved that it appeared to be over. With a deep shuddering breath, Ash pushed herself back to her feet, somewhat shakily, and gave Tirzah's hand a reassuring squeeze as they continued their journey to the mess hall. "Force, I need to eat." Seeing neither Moon nor Darex and his son seated at any of the tables, Ash gathered food for herself and Tirzah and guided her daughter over to an empty table to begin their meal.
  9. Thanks, everyone. I'm going to say what I should've said in the beginning... This is, quite literally, the first thing I've written in six years or so. It started out as an exercise I'd given myself to begin writing again and snowballed. No, it's not perfect. Far from. But I purposely shied away from going into too much detail because I've done that in the past and more or less ending up losing interest in what I was writing and never finishing it. So, it is as it stands. Quick, (mostly) unedited save for a few typos and an extra couple lines here and there, unapologetic. *shrugs* It is what it is. Thank you for the interest and the constructive criticism, I greatly appreciate it, even it I myself don't really find it worth reading (). Onto part two: ------------------------------------- I spent the next few weeks being distant, and before I knew it the time had come for our yearly trip to the castle- our last, actually, since Daer would turn eighteen the following year and would then be returning there permanently. We hadn't spoken of that afternoon again, though more than once I had caught him looking at me when he thought I wasn't paying attention. He must have, however, said something to his mother. It wasn't unusual for me to spend an afternoon doing doing one thing or another with the queen- by this time, she and the king had become like a second set of parents to me, always affording me every courtesy and always making sure that I felt at home when Daer and I were at the castle. The afternoon in question, we were sitting on the veranda with cool drinks, chatting about everything and nothing. We had lapsed into silence for a few moments, and finally she cleared her throat and turned to look at me. "My son's in love with you, you know." I kept my gaze focused out over the city, my face suddenly hot as I responded quietly, the only way I could. "I know." I could've played the oblivious card, but chances were that if she was bringing it up, Daer had said something about it to her, and pretending that I didn't know what she was talking about would do nothing but mark me as a liar. I could picture the way her eyebrow quirked up without even looking at her face. "You don't feel the same way?" I bit my lip, suddenly finding my hands to be extremely interesting. "No. Yes. I- I don't know." I finally looked over at her, uncertainty etched across my face. "He's my best- my only- friend. I don't... I don't know if I can risk that. I'm not good with my emotions, and Daer... he deserves better than that." My eyes returned to the skyline. “He deserves so much more.” The queen's face softened, and she smiled at me. "What we deserve and what what need or want are often two completely different things, dear. And putting yourself down is often a guaranteed way to come up short. Remember that." Rising, she patted my hand gently, and left. But even with that reassurance, I couldn't bring myself to even consider it. I may have been in love with my best friend, but I was far from what he deserved to have. ------------------- The next few months were rough on me. I was torn between trying to distance myself from my best friend in hopes that he would forget that night on the roof, or letting our relationship return to its previous state and acting like nothing had happened when we both knew it had. I hate to think about the standoffish way I acted towards Daer while I was trying to gather my bearings around him again. But finally, some part of me knocked the realization into my head that at the end of the year, my best friend would no longer be living just around the hallway corner, and I couldn't just let these last few months go to waste. And so I pushed myself through the potential awkwardness, so I could enjoy having my best friend nearby. The going away party that my parents threw for Daer was a small affair- just the four of us and a few of the boys that lived nearby that Daer was on good terms with- but a good time nonetheless. Daer enjoyed himself, and I briefly felt as if I had more than one friend. As the guests began to leave, I retired to my room, taking the opportunity to lose myself in a book. A soft rap on my door frame pulled me from my fantasy land, and I looked up to see Daer standing in the doorway. "Can I come in?" he asked softly, smiling slightly. "Of course," I said, scooting over on my bed to make room for him. "Come sit." He did as I asked, putting his arm around me and pulling me close, and I rested my head against his shoulder, letting myself take advantage of the moment to enjoy his embrace. As usual, he was the one to break the silence. "You're not going to lose me, you know. Just because I'm going back..." I scoffed jokingly. "Lose you? Please. I'll be at the castle so much you'll get sick of seeing me," I teased, smiling up at him. He chuckled, squeezing me briefly in a one-armed hug. "I doubt it. You keep me grounded, you know. I need you around to keep me sane." He gazed down at me, expression suddenly turning serious. "There is one other option, though." I swallowed, unsure of where this was leading. "What that?" "Come back with me." I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off. "I mean it, Zae. I know you have feelings for me. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. Why won't you let me in?" His eyes conveyed his pain, and I could feel my heart beginning to break in two. "Daer..." I squeezed his hand, blinking back the tears that I could feel coming. "I've told you why. If it didn't work out, if I lost you... I wouldn't be able to handle it. I can't lose you." I swallowed hard. "And you deserve better than an emotional cripple like me." This time it was he that opened his mouth to protest and it was I that shook my head to stop him. "Please. Don't make this any harder than it has to be." He smiled sadly at me, lowering his face to mine, and just for a moment I savored the soft kiss that he gave me and let myself imagine what a life with him would be. But then it was over, and he was standing again, unshed tears in his eyes. "I love you, Zae," he said softly, almost whispering. "You know where to find me if you change your mind." And then he was gone, and I let the tears come.
  10. Ash's first attempt at answering the Jedi standing before her was cut short as Tirzah cried Dika's name out, arms outstretched. She frowned, wondering what was going through her daughter's mind, as she was entirely sure that Tirzah was aware that they'd left Dika behind on Endor. But as she reached for her daughter's shoulder to comfort her, the little girl immediately brightened, running forward and throwing her arms around the water-logged little boy standing with the Jedi. Ash chuckled at the sight of Tirzah's recoil as she came in contact with the boy's soggy clothes, finally looking back to Darex and extending her hand. “I'm Ash... That's my daughter, Tirzah.” She paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to relay her next thought without sounding completely insane. “I'm here, mostly, for her. She's blind, but as you can probably see,” she said, “she has a knack for being able to do things she shouldn't be able to do. I'm almost positive she's Force sensitive.” Eyes on her daughter's antics, Ash's next words came out somewhat absentmindedly. “And I think, at some point in the past, I might've been a Jedi." With a smile, she pulled her gaze from Tirzah once more. "I was hoping I could find some answers."
  11. So. I just started writing this a few days ago. It has no name because the plot bunny has not provided me one, and Court's been threatening to post it if I don't. So... tell me how bad it is after. And stab the typos if you find them. Without further ado... Part one. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This was never supposed to happen. They're all staring at me like it's my fault, like I'm the one that caused this. Part of me wants to scream, to yell that I didn't even want to be up here because it hurt so much that I was losing my best friend, that I only did it because he practically begged me to. I have absolutely no idea how this happened. I can't help but wonder if it would've been different if I hadn't been within arm's reach of him. Would this still have happened if I had been in the back of the crowd, observing from a distance like I'd wanted to? I guess it's a little late for what-ifs now. The damage has been done. The only question left is how much. Well... maybe I should start this story from the beginning. Maybe then you'll be able to understand how much of a mess I've caused. --- I remember the day he showed up at our door, royal escort and all. He looked distinctly uncomfortable in the simple clothes he'd been dressed in, clothes meant to make him blend in with the common people that he'd be spending the majority of the next six years with. He had a solemn look on his face and I remember wondering if I would look so serious when I turned twelve. I was ten at the time. And the young tomboy that I was had been determined to make the young prince her friend. I didn't really have any, you have to know- all of the other girls my age were still playing house, or having tea, or some other absurd variation of the same thing. Me? I was out behind the smithy, barefoot, covered in dirt, poking at the ragged training dummy with a stick as if it were a sword. My head was full of grand adventures- slaying dragons, battling warlocks, for instance. So, as you might imagine, I didn't get on well with girls my age, and the boys were beginning to reach that stage in life where girls were little more than a nuisance. So I spent most of those years with my nose buried in a book, or out in the smithy yard with my stick-sword. By myself. That all changed the day Daerius came to live with us. I suppose I should explain why, exactly, the crown prince of the kingdom was living in our smithy. A few hundred years ago, in order to foster goodwill with the common people, as well as teach their children life skills that they weren't learning living as royalty, the king at the time declared that all royal children, from the ages of twelve to eighteen, would spend eleven months out of the year fostered with a family of commoners, living as they did and learning their trade. Of course, no royal family is about to let their children starve, so there is a stipend that comes along with it, but the only real reason that anyone applies to be a foster family is for the prestige of it. That last month out of the year, the royal child returns to the castle, for a refresher on etiquette, swordsmanship, and a slew of other things. But I'm getting ahead of myself, we'll get back to that. Anyway... it took Daerius a few days to settle in to his new life, and it took me a few days to adjust to it as well. After all, I'd been an only child for ten years, and suddenly I felt as if I were competing for my parents' attention. It didn't help that he'd barely said two words to me while I'd been hoping that we could be friends. And so I found myself in the smithy yard, taking out my frustrations on the poor torn-up dummy, startled when I heard an unfamiliar voice behind me. "You're doing it wrong." I spun around, my eyes landing on him as he stood in the doorway of the smithy, and tried my best not to glare at him. I failed. "Yeah, well... Not all of us have had lessons in swordsmanship. Your Highness." I all but spat the words out, turning back to whack the dummy across the side of its head when his hand closed over mine. "Here... I'll show you." He offered me a tenuous smile, correcting my grip on the stick and showing me the proper arm motion. After I tried it a few times, he stepped back with a nod. "Now you know." "Thanks," I said hesitantly, letting the point of my faux sword drop to the ground. "You know... You're not so bad, Daerius," I admitted, extending my hand to him. He smiled then, the first real one that I'd seen from him, as he reached out and took my hand in his. "Please... call me Daer." And so I made my first true friend. The next few months left us nigh inseparable. We did everything together- sleep, eat, stage mock fights in the smithy yard, work with my father in the smithy. I began to dread his month away, even though I knew he would be back, because for the first time in my short life I knew what it was to belong. I didn't say anything to Daer, of course, but the dread was there, all the same. And then that day came, and I found that while Daer had packed up his things, he'd also taken the liberty of packing up some of mine, and informed both his escort and my parents (somewhat imperiously, I might add) that I would be accompanying him back to the castle. My parents, I think, were more amused than anything else. After all, who's going to argue with the crown prince? So off to the castle I went. I was in awe at first, meeting his parents. They were, after all, the king and queen- but after a few days they began to seem like real people just like anyone else. And they told me how grateful they were to me for providing Daer with a real friend. My next source of amusement was when Daer so matter-of-factly informed his tutor that I would be sharing his courses. While this meant learning to dance (in a gown, which I wasn't particularly thrilled about) and learning proper table manners, it also meant swordsmanship, archery, and horseback riding. I was in heaven. That month ended all too soon, as far as I was concerned. But we were sent back to my parents with gifts- two horses, training swords, and bows. Thus began the happiest time of my childhood. Daer and I took to riding across the country several times a week, and while I could never best him in a sword fight, I quickly became a more than capable archer. And so we grew up, constantly trying to best one another, but always with a spirit of friendship between us that couldn't be broken. We would finish each other's sentences and soon it didn't matter to me that I'd never had another friend. Daer was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I'm not really sure when I began to look at him differently. Sometime, when I was going through puberty, it occurred to me just how attractive my best friend was with his mop of shaggy black hair and those piercing green eyes, and in the farthest reaches of my mind I let myself wonder what it would be like to be his. Let me explain that I've never been good with expressing myself. I'm self-conscious about how I look, and self esteem has never been my strong suit. And so, when my so neatly set-up boundaries were pushed one day, I... freaked out a little. I was fifteen at the time. We were having a picnic next to the river, as we so often did, horses tethered along the bank behind us happily munching away at the overgrown grass. We were sitting facing each other, talking about our last sojourn to the castle, and Daer was doing this fantastically amusing impression of one of his tutors. Somewhere amidst the laughter our eyes met, and the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine, and my hand had found its way to the nape of his neck, tangling itself into his hair. Reality suddenly hit me, and I yanked myself back, eyes wide, just staring at him. "Zae-" he began, but before he could get out the rest of the sentence I was on my feet, bolting toward the horses. A quick yank undid the tether, and then I was racing back home, trying to not to think about what had just happened, trying to forget about the feelings coursing through me. Because it didn't matter how I felt about Daerius... I knew I wasn't good enough for him. He found me some hours later, sitting up on the roof of the smithy and staring at the sunset. It was where I had always gone when I needed to think, and my parents had long ago given up on trying to dissuade me from the climb.. He sat down next to me, and the silence stretched thickly between us for a few moments before he broke it. "Zae, I think we need to talk ab-" I cut him off. "Don't," I said softly, my voice still thick from the tears I'd shed. "Please. I can't..." I heaved a sigh, turning my head to look at him. "You're my best friend, Daer. You're my only friend. I can't- I won't jeopardize that. And you..." I swallowed around the lump in my throat, the tears threatening to overwhelm me again. "You deserve someone better than me. Okay? So..." I managed a tremulous smile for him. "Let's just forget it happened? Please." He nodded, the uncertainty clear on his face, though the look in his eyes told me this wasn't over. And he left me to my brooding.
  12. So... this wrote itself last night. Court made me post it. If you haven't watched Fringe at all and you'd like a little backstory so you can understand what, exactly, is happening, hit the spoiler. ------------ Your latest observation is that you are, indeed, drunk. The last few days have dragged by, but at the same time, you feel like it was just a few minutes ago that you were talking to Nina, about how loving someone and being in love with them wasn't the same thing. About how you'd decided to not try to regain your old memories, that the love you have for Peter is worth giving up a lifetime for. As you stare at the half-empty whiskey bottle in front of you, part of you is wondering if that was a smart choice. He can't even look at you without guilt, without thinking of "his" Olivia- the one that you thought you were, now that your memories had come back. And you're sure now, even through the drunken haze, that that is what has happened, that you haven't had a second set of memories imprinted onto you, but they are your real memories, and the ones that you've had are of an artificial life. Because you've never felt so alive as you do when your lips are pressed up against his. And so, forbidden to work and not brave enough to go to the lab, to face him and his determination to hold you at arm's length, you've sat at home for days. Moping, more or less. You don't remember when you got the bottle of whiskey out, but you do remember that it was full when you started, and now it's half gone. Part of you realizes that this isn't like you, that normally you're stronger than this. But part of you is sick of maintaining the facade and doesn't care. And you still haven't forgotten about Peter, which was what this... exercise was supposed to result in. If anything, it's only made your feelings stronger, and tears spring to your eyes as you picture his smile, as you remember that night, before everything was thrown into chaos, when you finally put your heart into his hands and trusted him not to break it. Leaps of faith have never come easy to you, and you wonder what deity was cruel enough to take him from you when you'd finally been able to love again. Even drunk, your instincts don't abandon you, so when the door to your apartment opens unexpectedly you try to jump to your feet, only to have the room spin around you as you try to find something to grasp to hold you upright even as you peer at the door, trying to figure out who would be in your apartment at this time of the night uninvited. And then his arms are around you, holding you upright, clutching you close to him, wrapped so tightly around you it's almost hard to breathe. You'd recognize his smell anywhere. It's the smell of safety, of security. It's the smell of home. You peer up at him, trying to make your eyes focus. "P-Peter? Wha-what are you doing here?" you stammer out the words, beginning to wonder if you're dreaming, if he's not really here, if all of this is just in your imagination, and the tears come again, this time spilling down your cheeks. "Please tell me this isn't a dream, please, please..." "Shhhh, shhh. Olivia, I'm here." He brushes the tears away, looking down into your face before spotting the half-empty whiskey bottle sitting on the coffee table. "Are you drunk?" Not bothering to wait for an answer, he scoops you up into his arms and heads for your bedroom, gently depositing you onto the bed and pulling the covers up over you. You clutch his hand, and your voice comes out in a tearful whisper. "Please don't go." He smiles, that smile that you adore so much, shrugging off his coat and kicking his shoes off while letting you maintain your deathgrip on his hand. "Sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere." He climbs over you into bed and pulls you over to face him, wrapping his arms around you and guiding your head to rest on his shoulder. "Sleep. We'll talk in the morning." Your brain attributes it to your drunken stupor, but you swear he whispers "I love you" as you drift off. And for the first time in days, you sleep deeply and well. You wake in the morning, hung over, by yourself. Rolling onto your side, you take a deep, shuddering breath, trying so desperately not to break down into tears again, but failing, because he's not here and you feel so absolutely empty without him. You squeeze your eyes shut, tears escaping from them- And jerk upright as the bathroom door opens and Peter walks out of it. His eyes go directly to your tear-stained face, and he's on the bed in an instant, arms wrapped around you, cradling you close to his body."I'm here, sweetheart, I'm here, I'm sorry, you were still asleep, I didn't mean to scare you." You cling to him, your tears turning from despair to joy, sobbing out the feelings that you've kept bottled up over the course of the last week, finding solace in his embrace as he lets you ride out the storm of emotions. Finally, you draw a shaky breath and look up at him, your hand reaching for his cheek. "You-" your voice is raspy, your throat dry, and you swallow to combat it. "You're here." Your voice is full of wonder, of hope. "I thought I was dreaming again." He smiles, ever so slightly, and brushes a few stray strands of hair out of your face. "I'm here. I'm sorry I took so long to get here. I... I had to be sure." Your heart leaps at his words, and you gaze into his eyes, wanting to hope but afraid to. "Sure of what?" Your mouth has gone dry and you barely get the words out, your heart thundering in your chest as you wait for his response. He leans his head down to yours, nose nuzzling up against your cheek, before he whispers in your ear. "Sure that you were mine." And then his mouth is covering yours, and you're kissing him like you wouldn't survive without him. The hangover is forgotten as you pull him closer to you, clinging to him like a lifeline, and when you finally break apart for air laughter bubbles from your lips. Some time later, you still lay in bed, clothes scattered randomly about the room. He holds you like he did when you fell asleep last night, and you lay there, your head on his shoulder, a smile on your face, his hand tangled in your hair. Reluctant to leave his embrace, you prop yourself up on one arm, looking down at him. "What?" he asks, hand gently tracing over your cheek as you gaze down at him. You pause, suddenly afraid that if you say the words he will disappear, and this will all prove to be just another dream. Your hand drifts down his chest, assuring yourself that he is real, and finally you look back up into his eyes. "I love you." He says it at the same time you do, and a thrill races through you. "Did... did you say that last night too? Before I fell asleep?" you ask him softly, though you already know the answer. "I did." The smile is back on his face, and you recognizes the aura of wonder behind it because it's what you're feeling as well. And you know you'll get to hear him say it a thousand more times, and a thousand after that, because after all that you've been through together, you will not let him go again. It occurs to you, somewhat abruptly, that this shift in his emotions towards you must have been triggered by something, and the question must show on your face, because his eyes soften and he reaches up to cradle your cheek in his hand. "What's wrong, Olivia?" "Nothing, I just..." You turn your head to the side, kissing the palm of his hand. "Why now, Peter? You kept pushing me away, and now all of a sudden you're here, and we..." Your voice trails off, and you swallow hard to keep another round of tears at bay, the next sentence coming out in a whisper. "I can't lose you again." His hand finds your chin, and he gently tilts your head back up, his eyes finding yours. "You won't." He takes your face between both hands, his thumbs gently caressing your cheeks. "I- When you were on that last case, I was... Walter found something in my eye, that one of the Observers planted. It led me to a beacon. And the Observer who I freed by activating it told me that I've been home all along, that the reason I hadn't been completely erased was because of love. Love that I had for people, and that they had for me." He kisses your forehead, your cheeks, your nose, his voice dropping almost to a whisper. "I'm still here because of our love, Olivia. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I just... I had to be sure I wasn't making the same mistake all over. And I'll be damned if I ever let you go again." As if to reinforce his words, his arms tighten around you, and his lips descend onto yours. Your fears drop away, and your heart fills with hope, and in that moment, you know everything will be okay. Because he feels like home. ((Edited for typos. *stabs them*))
  13. Tirzah's tantrum ended almost as quickly as it had begun, and Ash breathed a sigh of relief, mentally berating herself for not even thinking about the consequences for her daughter that usually came with disembarking in a strange place. But the look of wonder and joy that came across Tirzah's face brought a smile to Ash's, and she placed an arm around her as they made their way across the landing pad. "They're the Jedi, sweetie. And hopefully... they'll be able to help us both. So..." Ash knelt in front of her daughter, wiping the remaining tears from the little girl's face and straightening her disheveled hair. "Let's go see if we can go find some people, 'kay?"
  14. As they descended through the atmosphere toward the complex below, Ash watched the navicomputer as it progressively updated their course to the surface below. She'd realized with some relief earlier that whatever this emergency Jedi beacon integrated into her ship was, it was paving their way down to the Jedi base, assigning them a docking berth and highlighting their trajectory. Looking over at the still-sleepy child sitting next to her, Ash smiled and reached over to tousle Tirzah's hair. "Ready for this, kiddo?" Ash guided the Blackstalker down to the pad, setting it down with just a slight bump. A few flicked switches ran the ship through its shutdown, and Ash stood, taking her daughter's hand in hers. "Well, sweetie... here we go." The boarding ramp lowered, and the two of them walked down it together, unsure of what to expect.
  15. Still smiling at her daughter's antics, Ash laid Tirzah in her bed, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead as she pulled the blanket up over her. "I hope so, sweetie... I hope so." Tirzah sighed softly as she dropped off into slumber, and Ash just stood there for a moment, staring down at her daughter, before turning and heading back toward the cockpit. Stretched out in her chair, feet propped up on the copilot's seat, Ash stared out at the blue vortex that was hyperspace and let her mind wander. What am I doing? With nothing to distract her or keep her busy, the doubt that she'd been trying to keep at bay came rushing back all at once. What kind of mother uprooted her child from a stable environment just to drag her halfway across the galaxy on some half-baked chase based on nothing more than a dream? Ash buried her face in her hands for a moment before running them back through her hair. She stared at the navicomputer, her hand hovering over it as she considered the idea of throwing all of this away, turning around and going back to Endor to live in peace. No. She pulled her hand away and turned away from the computer, pushing the thought from her mind. She was doing this for both of them. No, this was the right thing to do. A beep from the navicomputer pulled her from her reverie, and she turned back just in time to see blue swirl of hyperspace changed to lines, and then stars, and then a planet sat below, floating in the quiet of space. "Well... too late to change my mind now." Reaching toward the computer, Ash punched in a course to take them down to the surface below.
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