Sigrid

(Sorry I'm late) She had cocooned herself within the Force that so innately pervaded Lehon. She had always been able to see it, feel it, and she had always been able to arrest her vision so that she knew, in a way, what it was like to be without the Force. But she had never before lain awake for an entire night, and stretched out her other senses, and chosen not to arrest her vision so as to sleep; and then to feel more refreshed than she had felt the day before, though she had not slept for one moment. She did not know such a thing was possible. Perhaps it was not such a big deal. Perhaps it was only the enormity of her elation at being so thoroughly surrounded by this vividly brilliant light. Of course, this quality of awe also made her late for, what would she call it?, class. She rose from the bed of her elected room with a swift and graceful fervor to her step, the delicately silken skin that so ably hid the iron of her musculature fairly shining under the room's lights in a way that her "eyes" would never be able to see. But in the mirror near the closet she could see the light she gave off, and it was shimmering wildly. She chose from the closet what robes were offered, which were slim and fit close to her body, slipped her vest on over these because it gave her comfort, and chose a cloak she liked the feel of between her fingers. She had never liked robes. She would wear this, instead. It was long, the hood was deep, and when she moved it did not hinder her at all. She tested this phenomenon with more difficult maneuvers around the room; leaping, landing with balance on a bedpost, diving and following through a roll. A few jabs with her hands, a few quick little flurries with her feet, and none of the movements were impeded by these new accessories. Good. Now that her attention was focused on the practical, she realized she was late. And so with a quick pace but a relaxed air she made her way to the appropriate classroom, and took a seat silently, without fuss, and without disturbing the ongoing conversation. Jaren was just asking them all about their experience with the Force, but considering her tardiness, she elected to listen to the experiences of the others gathered before answering it herself.

Sigrid could see, when she sat down opposite the man, that her plate was fuller than his. Far from shame, considering multiple factors why that feeling might conventionally be "appropriate", she felt curious. Perhaps growing up around her father's rather sizable appetite had left her believing all men ate as much as he did...which she now considered may not be common. This was no bad thing. Just a new reality learned. "Are you not a Master?" she asked, in response to his statement about a proper Jedi Master. "You have a very deep color about you." It didn't occur to her that he might not understand what that meant, and she simply answered his next questions. "My name is Sigrid." Or had been, for a long time. But it was her name, nonetheless. "I have had a connection to the Force since I was born. My species does, biologically, you could say. But resources to learn more...well, I did not grow up around my own people, but even among them such resources are scarce and very narrow in what they offer. I decided that my will to learn would get the better of me if I did not satisfy it, and I knew I wanted to learn from the Jedi Order." She ate slowly. "Why did you become a Jedi?"

She watched him approach her, wordlessly admiring the solid blue hue of his presence, and watched the color pulse with each warm word he spoke in greeting. This was the first Jedi she had met in person, and it was a very affirming presence. At his invitation to eat, Sigrid smiled simply. "Yes, thank you." As she joined him in walking, she spoke with a voice that was strong in its softness, "I'm here to learn the ways of the Jedi. My people see the Force, see because of the Force, in all things, but I feel compelled to follow my sight where it beckons. And it has drawn me here to learn. It it's possible, learning your ways would be very fulfilling for me."

Dust exited hyperspace with Lehon in perfect view, and in her sight Sigrid could easily locate her destination even from the distance of space. The planet, from this side at least, radiated a blue so vibrant in color it passed into her other senses and thrummed within her. For her, it was a simple thing to bear witness to the location planet-side where this color peaked in brightness. She determined that this must be the Temple she sought, or at least be a good place to start looking. In the end, she didn't have to look further, as her descent brought the inorganic features of entrances to the Temple's hangars into her view, surrounded by the colorful density of organic life on Lehon. Already she was steeped in the calming aura of this planet, and was quite happy to have followed her will here. Knowing not which hangar would be appropriate for her use, she spent a short time studying the various entrances, quite obvious with her vision, and chose the one that was deceptively cleft-like at the end of a stretching, wide natural corridor. She landed her craft near this, and stepped into the air of Lehon. Quiet and ready, she entered the Lehon temple, and was pleased to find that this area appeared to be receptive in nature, so it was likely that she had chosen to appropriate entrance. She breathed, and let her colorful vision wander, soaking in the energy that cocooned her.

I see what you mean, now. Thanks much for the examples. I also wonder if it's common form for the author to go back into the initial post and edit with what critique has been given? Or to simply take it as helpful critique for their own understanding?

Thanks for the critique, Travis. I like "enraptured", too, but forgot about that option. As for capitalizing, when it comes to those big pronouncements I always used to fumble what is and isn't capitalized. Still do! Well, this just seemed to happen. I hadn't intended to be writing anything, but now that I have I think that this piece could potentially be part of a larger whole. At the moment I'm not sure, but here's to hoping I'm able to write something more in this vein. Oh, and I was wondering (if you pop back in here and have the time and inclination), could you perhaps point out some of those words you thought a bit different? Maybe if I see them in context, I might think that I would have rather chosen a different word, you see. Thanks again.

So, thought I'd try my hand. It's been a while. And yes, that was a disclaimer. Anyways, was snooping around the Challenges thread because I very obviously needed a kickstart, and went for (I think) the second one on the list. Thus, the resultant short story/mini chapter/thing. Title: A False Truth Rating: PG-13 Rated for: Mature Language (Sexual Language, Profanity), Violence. Critique level: Critique Encouraged When the sun set that night, she knew it would not rise again. She knew this, but it would have been hard for anyone in the onlooking crowd to say that she even noticed the setting of the sun. Her head had been lolling forward for nearly half of an hour, and some of the less trustworthy in the crowd were beginning to assume that the Mediators had killed her. They were quick to assure the people that they were not so careless, and that she was only so weak as to have fallen unconscious from the pain. The crowd was rather pleased with this pronouncement, at least for a while. She was pleased with it too, knowing it to be false. They called themselves Mediators, but in her opinion the barbed cleverness of that title failed to live up to its definition. As ”œnegotiators”

Sigrid'S CHARACTER SHEET Identity [!ident] Real Name: Eir A.K.A: Sigrid Homeworld: Brachnis Chorios Species: Miraluka Physical Description [!dscrp] Age: 23 Height: 5’7” Weight: 132 lbs Hair: Long, fiery, curly Eyes: N/A Sex: Female Appearance: Sigrid is a young woman who owns her stature at every moment. She does not slouch to meet those who don’t match her height, or attempt in some failing fashion to match the height of others, but even so she is consistently relaxed, physically. Her build openly indicates the intense physical discipline of her life, but she is like steel wire, instead of iron bulk. Equipment [!equip] Clothing: Sigrid wears a tight-fitting, black combat jumpsuit of flexible material, and dark gray boots with even, unmarked soles. Armor: Sigrid wears a light vest, bronze in color, with a plasteel mesh underlay. This is flexible enough to not inhibit her slightest movement, but effectively aids in the resistance of glancing blows, which suits her combative style perfectly. She also wears what are effective bracers of the same material. Weapon: 2 DL-44 Heavy Blaster Pistol (holstered left/right thighs) Common Inventory: Credits, datapad, commlink Faction Information [!factn] Force User Alignment: Comparable with Neutral Good Current Faction Affiliation: None Current Faction Rank: None History: [!hstry] Force Side: Undefined Trained by: N/A Trained who: N/A Known Skills: Racial (This skill utilizes the Force, but is innate in her species) Sight, meaning the Miraluka’s ability to see through the Force. Sigrid cannot perceive colors, but can distinguish organics (dead or alive) from inorganic. Involving organics, though she cannot perceive color, this sight allows her to perceive the energies of the Force so that she can perceive auras, and thus can discern the following: whether someone is Force-Sensitive or not, the strength of their connection, the “alignment” of their connection (and, thus, whether they are a User or just a Sensitive), their mood at the moment and emotional shifting (through the equivalent shifting in their auras). For example, she could notice, more or less, that someone is blushing (or feeling in a way that causes blushing) by a shift in their aura. Involving what is inorganic, she sees most objects, including doors and walls, as translucent, so she can see through them, can see inside them, etc. Note: This skill is not like a scope-sight; though she can see through walls as a Miraluka, and thus, could see through multiple walls or surfaces, this does not mean she can zoom-in with her vision, in any case; that would be something like Force Sense, and for the sake of not having this character begin with Force powers before she becomes a Jedi, for whatever reason she hasn’t learned to Force Sense, officially. No-Sight, though this is not technically a skill inherent in all her species, it is a skill dealing with her racial skill, so it is listed here. Her father, knowing how to do this himself, taught her how to dampen her Force Sight at a very young age, so that she understood what it meant to be blind as other creatures could be. This makes it so that it is possible for her to experience what she calls “visual silence”, and enabled her to train combatively without any sight at all. Immunity, a Miraluka’s sight, being of the Force and not based on biological eyes, provides an immunity to anything “light” based, i.e. glare or flash or blinding. In terms of the Force, it potentially provides her with the ability to discern between real and fake, though she has never had the need to do this, so knows not that she can. General (These involve both the deprivation of and the utilization of her Force Sight) Survival, involving hunting, tracking, moving unseen and unheard, navigating, in primarily unsettled geography. Hardiness, which constitutes her physical and mental resilience to merciless environmental circumstances, be they naturally or combatively inflicted. Technician, Combat Unarmed, this refers to combative ability without weaponry and without the Force. She is an expert in unarmed combat, preferring to capitalize on her fantastic balance and reflexes in an agile style of evasion and countering. She is strong enough to surprise many, however, in how well she could do head-on, if she chooses. Background: She was not born on Brachnis Chorios, but when she was born and her mother died as a result, it was to that sparsely populated, frigid wilderness that her father took her to grow. Her father, a Miraluka himself, decided to instruct her exactly as he had been raised, himself. Thus, she came to know what she does now, and in her later teenage years she went off into the galaxy, on her own. Ship Registration [!ship] Name: Dust Class: Light freighter Model: DeepWater Manufacturer: Mon Calamari Shipyards Length: 45 meters Armaments: Topside rotating dual laser cannon Armor: Shielding, back up shield generator Anti-Personnel Defenses: Body feature security scanners throughout Other Systems: Capable of operating as a submarine Appearance: