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Sandy Sarna

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About Sandy Sarna

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    Jedi Master
  • Birthday 12/26/1991

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  1. “We lost a good Jedi Knight on Mon Calamari.” Her voice was soft. “And for what reason? If you were a better fighter there Leena would you have been able to fight against the hordes of stormtroopers? Could you have saved Mjan? I think not. You would have died with the rest. Part of our training is to know when not to engage. Mon Calamari will be retaken, I think, though it may be years until the sunlit seas see the light of a democracy.” Though she was not sure that the idea of Democracy carried anything good other than a false sense of security. “We must not concentrate on what might have been Leena.” She frowned and did her best to look into both of the girl’s eyes. “There is a place for you here in the order and you do not need to be a good soldier to stay. Do away with that idea, train to fight so that if you should need to defend and take a life that you can. But do not think that the only place for a Jedi is the front lines.” She waved towards the viewport where the lines of stars were materializing into a solid sphere of an archipelago world. The large expanse of shallow ocean dotted with sandy beaches and a large crater that seemed to mark the world with a giant ring of mountainous terrain, surrounding a deep pool of dark water. “There is place enough in this galaxy for a healer and medic. This world will show you why.” And they had arrived at last to the small world, whose orbit still carried some debris from an ancient battle. Sandy inputted coordinates for where she was sure that the Village of Tali still existed.
  2. Sandy Sarna

    Space

    Sandy watched with some concern as the Mon Calamari Apprentice spilled forth her concerns. She took a moment to scoot herself a bit closer so she could place her scarred hand on the girl's shoulder. It was a bit shocking to think that Apprentices might look up to her as some great warrior knight, like Locke Starspanker or even Kyrie Eleison. She wasn’t old enough and nor did she consider herself worthy of that respect. With a quick glance over Leena and the memory of a glance at her files, Sandy could tell that she wasn’t much older than the girl either. At least not a decade older. “I will address your points one by one if that is ok with you.” She let a casual smile cover her face, and at this close distance the girl could adequately see Sandy’s long healed scars from her captivity on Thalassia and Tatooine. The long , small lines that cut across her chin and up her cheeks that marked when the flesh had been peeled off layer by layer. Without the temple healers, Sandy doubted that she had been able to look anything like she did now. They were small and recessed scars that did not restrict or stiffen her face. “I never knew much about my own direction. I had to trust that voice inside myself, that voice of conscience, which amplified with our connection to the force can lead us on the righteous path. You must seek out what is right. And strive for that.” She arched an eyebrow. “Very few are called or have the discipline to be a Jedi Knight. Most will surrender to their emotions and forget their purpose.” She made sure the girl was looking at her. “Do you know our purpose?” She answered the rhetorical question just as quickly. “It is to protect the weak, safeguard the helpless, and to be without fear in the face of death.” She let her hand fall from the girl’s shoulder. “That is not our code however, that is the standard we must uphold. We hold all life to be precious, even that of our enemy.” She shook her blonde head. “Do not think that being a jedi makes you a commander of soldiers or some great fighter. That is folly. It is our great dignity to deny ourselves that passion. A Jedi is a healer, a lover, and an upright and righteous being. We are not and should never be soldiers. We may apply ourselves in the method of war but it must be only as the edge of the knife, we cannot let ourselves be swept up in command. That was the folly and downfall of the Jedi order in the past.” “We became soldiers and lost ourselves in the process. How much suffering did great Starlisk or others cause while leading fleets and divisions of men?” She knew she was straying from the topic, but she figured it might be best for the man listening in to hear as well. “Any Jedi can justify the acts of war, but they loose themselves in it. And if we are lost, how can we safeguard the helpless when we sweep them aside in order to gain power or a system. That harkens of the darkside instead of the light.” She looked back into Leena’s eyes. “So strive not to be a great soldier, for that is not the destiny of the Jedi Knight. I and others can teach you the way of the sword, but the best lesson of the lightsabre is to know when not to use it. Yes, we are called to defeat the Sith Lords, and I have killed several and made a name for myself, but even that is a great tragedy. It is only with great reserve that I will go, and only with great reservation will I draw this sabre. But there comes also a point in which we must draw our sabre.” She tapped her hip, where the long battered hilt sat rested against her bare knee. “Does that answer your question or did I go blab my head off again?”
  3. Sandy Sarna

    Space

    Sandy let her head rest against the crash webbing as she pondered the statements of the force user that was speaking in front of her. There seemed a strange sense of justice in everything he spoke, but at the same time there seemed a tinge of darkness. Or what was it? She could not tell, and perhaps a later deep dive into their split from the Jedi Order would be more fruitful, Sandy did not know. She looked at his heavy armour and when they arrived in the room where Leena sat she grinned. “I will someday need to learn more sir, but for now I must warn you that this place is not a planet for heavy armours. If only for your comfort." She ducked into the small refresher and came out in what was mostly a Jedi tunic but cut down to shorts and a short top, made out of breathable and fast drying material. Bare footed, she strapped her leather belt around her hips and looked at the hyperspace panel. Then back at Leena who she sat down beside and gave her a quizzical look. Her voice was soft and carried no reproach. “I sense much turmoil in you Leena. What is on your mind?”
  4. “Well…” Sandy let her voice trail off as the two of them talked back and forth. “I am glad to have you whatever order you serve.” She looked back at the young Leena, “The Imperial Knights broke away from our order because the Council and Grandmaster of the time did not wish to confront the Sith. They were right to break away, and somedays I wonder if I should not have gone with them. Now go, and I will talk to your companion.” She looked back to the Jensaarai and raised an inquisitive eyebrow and the apprentice ran to the washing station. “You are welcome to the grand adventure, and though I wish your order may have arrived a year or so ago, I welcome you with open arms.” She leaned forward. “However, Sir Mantis, before you decide to hang around a Jedi Padawan, I would wish that you would tell me all about your order. For her safety and my own inquisitiveness, I will not have an unknown element aboard ship, especially in a strange environment." She paused to a reflect and to correct her words should they need them. She decided that they did and added, "I do not say this with hostile intent, however.” She watched the Mon Calamari putting the dishes into the cleaning tray, then looked back to Mantis. She tried her best to keep the tiredness from etching her smile. “You may tell me of your order and your beliefs as we go if it pleases you.” As the young Calamari came back Sandy grinned. “Now, let us all depart for stranger shores.” And together they walked to the Jedi transport Eva-Frenni. (Post in space))
  5. Sandy drew in a long breath and let her eyelids flicker open. She did not know what she expected to see, but what greeted her was the still blank cube of crystal and the sputtering remains of the incense burners. And of course Aidan’s sparse, spartan quarters. She made sure to meticulously clean up after her meditation, leaving his room just like she had found it and the holocron relocked in his footlocker. After that it there was only time for a quick nap before she needed to report and find the Mon Calamari for their joint mission to Scarif. An hour or so later, she strode into the cafe where Leena was sitting and gave her a friendly wave. “Are you ready to head out?” She looked inquisitively to the man standing beside Leena and raised an eyebrow. “And who may you be?”
  6. There were no sides to the Force. Sandy watched with what could only be described as horror as her friend took a divergent hook from the path laid out for him and dove headfirst into what she firmly believed was a dangerous heresy. Heresy was a phrase seldom used among the Jedi Knights, and while she could not stand behind all the expressions and judgements a call of heresy brought with it, the revelations of Darkfire resembled it. How could he so easily abandon a solid foundation of right and wrong and dive into this? Did not the force tempt a man with its immense power? Or was it a man's own fallible will? She opened her mouth to urge him to reconsider when she heard a small, calm voice in the back of her head. Wait With the softest of touches on her mind, the holocron’s master bid her to pause. But does not the darkside always bring with it death and suffering? So does the good How can you say that? How can you believe that? The lightside does not harm it- Wisdom But I ca- This is his journey young Jedi, not yours, no matter how much you may desire it to be. Do not consume yourself with the pride of self righteousness. She felt her eyes narrow in frustration, as involuntary as it was, and her breathing became a ragged mess as she fought to regain her calm. There was a wisdom to what both Darkfire and the Holocron’s master showed her. She had to accept the wisdom though she might disagree with it. It was not her place to correct Aidan’s journey. And to do so would to act distinctly out of pride. It took her a moment before she had regained her composure enough to respond. And when she did her voice was calm. And it begged forgiveness. I see The voice of the master carried with it a laugh that was only mirth. This journey is a lifetime, not a single meditation. One cannot achieve wisdom, only strive for it. She nodded and let the force open her mind for the next teaching. And when she felt it, she spoke it out to Aidan, her voice strained. Now you must let go of your attachments to embrace the force She nearly choked on the words. For the attachments she held close were all before her. Mirdala Ad’Goran, her adopted mother of iron. Adenna, her master and grandmaster. And Aidan Darkfire, whom she loved. The love had developed from the awkward crush, to an unrequited love, to a deep friendship, and finally to an actual meaningful love. One forged from shared trauma, shared experience, battle, and blood. How could she give up these attachments when they defined her? She had long ago given up on stupid childish dreams of a romance that swept her off her feet, but could she give up the only thing she had ever really wanted? Could she give up on the very thing that had kept her alive? Wisdom But attachment was not the same as love. She needed to surrender the entirety of it to the will of the force, and that did not mean to give up love. The love had come into her life and would someday go out, and if she built her entire foundation on it, then she would be truly broken when it departed. So she must let go. To embrace Wisdom.
  7. Sandy could not deny that she was shaken by the sudden surge of feelings that she had felt well up inside Aidan. She at first tried to ignore it, not to shun it but let the feelings roll off her unaffected. But they still caused her to take a deep, steadying breath, before she could continue. She needed to be the calm in the storm, no doubt they would have to discuss the fact that they had shared feelings, but that would have to be later. Why? But she pushed that selfish desire away, she wasn’t some gawking teenage girl on a Kashyyyk beach anymore. Such feelings had their time and place, they would bring much joy if left in fertile ground, and so she would let them lie. She took another breath and put forth her gentle reassurance to Aidan. Illusion prevents us from true insight. Another breath and her mind was free from the distraction of the revelation from Aidan. Search within you to find the illusions that you have long kept close to your chest. Constant self reflection will keep you from building up these deceitful illusions. Much like any other spectre, when left unexamined, any part of the force, or personality, or thought, could keep the Jedi, or imperial knight from finding their own weaknesses. The meditation for insight was in itself a fight against pride. The silent killer of Jedi, the thought that you were good enough already and had nowhere to improve. A humble reflection will always find the illusion. They were nearly at the end of the session, and the exhaustion was beginning to fade at the edges of her mind.
  8. Lies and deception banish away the truth. Truth was an integral part of the jedi walk, and it shocked her how easily one could be driven off that walk without paying attention. Letting the little mistruths build until they became a wave that could wash her away. These tiny lies we tell ourselves slowly erode our truth. We must confront them in everything we do, lest they overcome us. You must embrace your own destiny, no matter how much you may wish to part from it. Embrace who you are and you will drive away the lies. That was the true journey here, to embrace who she was, no matter the baggage. She took another scented breath and let it out through her nose. She let her presence mix with Aidan’s, giving him a strength to rely on should he need it. She had confronted this part of herself years before with Adenna, but still opening these scars was tiring. She could only feel the turmoil in Aidan’s spirit and so she was there if he needed it.
  9. Sandy could feel Aidan’s steadfastness, as he released yet another burden from his shoulders. When the calm returned, she spoke again. Grief distracts us from the path of the light The obsession of a loss, its haunting figure, could be felt like an echo through every action of a person consumed with grief. Another great poison, a great distraction from the force, grief turned so easily to self righteous anger. For what else could a person do but wallow in the few reliefs of grief? Sandy could feel its pull even in the calm of the meditation. That secret desire to curl herself in a ball and give into misery. So she rebuked it. Grief, while a useful tool, was all consuming, tears were meant to be dried, not stay there forever. Grief is something to be embraced as part of a transition away from trauma. They say time heals all wounds, and while there is truth there, I must always remind myself to move on from it. There is a small side of me that rejoices in my grief, using it as a shield from the pain of transition. It is there that grief must be discarded. She shook her head slowly. We don’t want to be feelingless monsters however, as the Sith often accuse us. We must accept the grief when it comes to us, to feel it, but not let it consume us. She breathed out, letting the grief go.
  10. Sandy took another breath, inhaling a lungful of air that was heavy with the calming incense of meditation. It was time to look upon the culmination of guilt, the shame that breaks the root of growth. She breathed out and her words whispered to her friend as the feeling of shame passed between them. Shame destroys the will and keeps us from our growth. What was her shame? Every little thing that had brought a flush to her face could have spilled out of her like a fountain. But those little shames were of no consequence, they were things easily moved on from. It was the great shames that mixed with the guilt to poison a man. To turn all he did to bitterness. She let the shame of Thalassia spill out, those things that haunted her every step, those acts that had brought her to the brink of suicide not five years before. She did not visualize them, but let the truth of them exhale with her breath. The shame that haunted her dissipated as she watched Aidan work his own meditation. There was room, space to grow. Though she had moved beyond that shame years before, it was good to confront it in everything that she did. She could never truly be whole and new, but now there was a space to grow. She was valuable despite what had happened. And a smile secretly tugged at the edges of her mouth.
  11. A smile whispered on her lips for a moment as she watched Aidan confront his fear. It was a lifelong process she knew, but now that the door was open, it would be easier to keep confronting them. He had overcome so many in the Maw, and now his strength could not be denied. He would survive. She could feel his trust and returned it. Her mind touched his as the fear dissipated, leaving them both blissfully at peace for a brief moment. But there was so much more to do. And she let the peace pass away as well, forcing herself from the comfort and into the cold of her mind. She heard the words come from the holocron and she echoed them. Guilt, however righteous, is death to joy What were her guilts? Were they the embarrassing moments that kept her awake on the verge of sleep? No, she needed to show the root. Like most traumas, there was a seed of truth in every foundation. It was healthy to regret an ill desire, or an evil action, but that regret, when left unchecked spread like a poison through every word and every joy. Poisoning each lovely thought, bringing the mind from its true purpose to focus on darkness. Even the simple guilt of dipping her lightsabre blade into the gut of Fynn Relmis, however justified, could poison her every thought. She let the guilt tumble out of her, falling like an acid rain on the plain of their minds. Death, loss, every guilt she had felt since she was a little girl came out, but there was a central guilt, a poison that corrupted everything she touched. She would have hung her head in shame had she been near him but she kept her neck unbent. I killed my mother She could have justified it, talked about the beatings, the screaming. But the fact was there despite it all. She had reached out a hand in the force and struck out. It had been so easy and with a flicker in the force, a sad, depressed, angry woman had died the brutal death of a brain aneurysm. The scene in all its brutalism lay before them spread out in the thick storm. Deal with the guilt first. Shame is next. The soft voice carried a kindness she had never felt as a child. And with it came a peace. I’m sorry. I am so sorry She whispered to no one but the ghost of her mother. She took a deep breath, letting the warmth of the tears trickle down her face. Time will not change the actions that harmed an innocent. You must confront that action, reveal it, and it will hold no power to poison your joy.
  12. It felt like treading water, like reaching for a surface that would never come, the last breath burning in her lungs. But she could feel him there. Aidan. He was distant but there. Wisdom Sandy let herself be brought closer to him in the force until she could visualize him. It was like looking through a darkened screen, or a tarnished mirror but he was there. Meditating just as she was. Though likely lightyears away. She touched his mind as he touched hers. She was tempted to say something frivolous, or to flirt, but this was not the place for such a thing. This was an honour, and was one of many steps she would take along her path to wisdom. Aidan needed the help and so she would guide him the best she knew how. She sought back to her time as a knight, her confrontations withe the Sith Lords. Fear Fear locks us from our path and keeps us separate from our destiny. Find your fear Aidan and I will show you mine She found her own fear and brought it to its root. With a breath that felt like a scream of pain, she let the fear bubble forth from where it usually crept in the back of her mind. She sought it from where it lay, bound to the back of her spine, where it haunted every step. The dark The knives The pain of violation The gnashing of a togorians laughter The fear of loosing everyone she loved The fear of rejection Even the fear of showing the fears she had to Aidan She let them pulse between them, showing Aidan each and every one. Laid out like panels on a quilt. Even those that she had kept locked since her time in captivity on Thalassia. Even those that she kept locked in her heart. Nothing lay hidden. The pain of them rocked her, but she steadied herself leaning on the presence of her friend. It is impossible to confront and overcome fears without exposing them She breathed out, slowly, her breath falling like a mist over the arrayed fears, causing them to slowly burn away. Once they are before us, we can let them go
  13. The face stared back at her, looming from the depths of the crystal cube, projected by the force into her mind. The face sat there, waiting, age long lining its curves, the sides of his eyes wrinkled deeply by a long life of mirth. After what could only be described as an eternity a soft voice echoed through her mind. Though it carried the gruffness of age, it was not harsh. What do you seek child? She felt surprised enough by the question that it caused her to hesitate, she took a breath, letting the smell of the incense wash over her senses. She breathed out, letting all the bitter air in her lungs go along with it. Wisdom she breathed So you seek it all? Or just some of it? There was a wry smile behind the voice that did not condemn. Her eyebrows narrowed. I seek...I seek its path The voice in her head was like a smile. Then you must find yourself firs She took another breath and nodded. Let us attend together to the path of wisdom ((Continued in the Dejarik Board))
  14. Sandy Sarna stood, leaning against the doorframe of one of the walkways between the gymnasium and food dispensary in the newly built rebel base. She held her newly acquired datapad and slowly ran her finger unter the pale blue font of the inbuilt intranet messaging system. The datapads small connection cable attached firmly to the small comm link at in her belt, coiling its wire in a small spool at the bottom of the imperial issued datapad. She had read the message several times. Including the attached instructions, but her emerald green eyes always were drawn back to the single line. “I’ll miss you.” She did not let her heart feel those words but she could still be moved by them. She blinked before rereading the message again, only to be slightly bumped into by a dour looking Mon Calamari. She couldn’t exactly be sure of the Mon Cal’s expression as their faces always were a mystery to her, She recognized the Mon Cal after a second of pondering and a bright smile stretched across her lips. This was one of the specialized Jedi healers of which she had heard bright review from the Imperial Knights. She snapped the datapad closed and returned the bow, her green eyes inquisitive as she asked, “I hear that you and others have returned from the disaster over Mon Calamari, the Rebel Alliance is scrambling to figure out a counter.” She tapped the closed datapad as if to indicate something of importance. “And we have reports of the environmental disaster on Scarif beginning to reach their peak.” She raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “I know that you likely need rest and meditation after your ordeal, but I would request that you accompany me to Scarif to assist in healing the natives.” She held up a hand as if to forestall any protests, “But it is only a request, I leave tomorrow midmorning, so you have time to come to a decision. Meet me in docking port twelve if so.” She tapped the datapad again with a scarred hand. The faint scars reaching from each fingertip to wrist. She had been skinned alive once a decade before, and the scars, however small and faded, still spoke of her dark journey through the slaver rings on Thalassia. “But go and make your reports, I have a few things to do myself.” She bowed, picked up her pack, and strode off to the Imperial Knight quarter. ________________________________________ She tried the door and it slid back with ease, moving silently on its oiled tracks. The room itself was as spartan as her own temporary room in the prefab barracks, little looked out of place, and even less looked like it actually belonged to him. Sandy figured that the same scene would be repeated throughout the entire alliance. Thousands of rooms were the same, places used as a stopover for a few days between missions that could last months. Nonetheless, Sandy was honoured to have the privilege of being invited into this one small sanctuary of Darkfire’s and so she carefully set her bundle down and slid the door shut behind her. She took a deep breath and walked slowly to the foot of Aidan’s bed, where the cerro-metal footlocker sat. She placed her unscarred hand over the metal lock and let her eyes flutter closed. The arm had been grown from a coral-like substance harvested by her friend T’ali’au, and had replaced the arm she had lost there. As she let the force overpower the locking mechanism, she said a silent prayer for that friend. Who she had left with promises of Jedi intervention on the overloading core. That had been back when she had been a young knight, and now here she was several years later only now beginning the journey to return. As the lock fell away she lifted the lid of the foot locker and found the small cube of opaque crystal. She withdrew it from its casing and reclosed the foot locker, placing the holocron on top of it. She placed two cylindrical incense censers beside it then sat on the floor before the holocron. She let her eyelids close and reached out a hand. Fire ignited in the censers, spreading the calming smell of meditative incense throughout the room. It blocked the lingering smell of him, and left no room for distractions. She breathed in and activated the holocron through the force.
  15. Sandy awoke with a start, immediately pulled back into the real by the smell of sweat, blood, and burned ozone, accented by the charred meat smell of a lightsabres killing blow. She shivered for a moment as her mind reeled to find itself, the rough linen bedsheets feeling strange against her face. A face that had been used to sleeping in crash webbing and flight chairs for the last few months. She could see Fynns eyes still burned into her eyelids for a few moments as she blinked away her sleep. When she finally pulled herself up and off her bed she felt stiff as if the muscles in her back had been intensely active for the last several hours. She groaned and sank into a stretch, letting her mind slowly clear as she went through her morning meditations. She could easily identify what her dreams had been, and those yellowed eyes looked ever back at her as she began to work with the force to refresh herself. Trauma, even if it was righteous trauma, still left its scars , and Sandy let the tears come, falling warmly and blissfully down her cheeks as she stretched, letting the emotions penned up by the dreams slowly release along with the tears.She let her breathing calm into a steady beat and let the emotion slowly wash out of her. Acknowledging each before she let them go. Fear. Fear for the loss of her own life, the lives of her friends, fear that she would eventually have to do what she did to Fynn to someone else. Fear of failure. Anger. Anger at Fynn, anger at his fall. Pride. Pride in her victories. Sorrow. Sorrow at the death of her one time friend and mentor. Sorrow in leaving her friends. Sorrow at the loneliness that beat at the edge of her heart. She let them flow out of her and when they were gone she took a deep breath. Exhaled, then took a quick sanisteam shower and redressed into her battle gear. Then she went to find Aidan to see if he had received new orders.
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