Holonet

[Jaeva Janhavi]

Splashing across several of the less-reputable holonet gossip channels came a scandalous report:

 

JEDI MASTER KRO'ROENE GIVRAH ABANDONS JEDI ORDER OVER PUNS

 

In a shocking move today, Cerean Jedi Master Kro'Roene Givrah announced his resignation from the Jedi Order today. While no official statement has been made, insider sources say that the Jedi Master stormed out of the Council chambers on Coruscant late last night, shouting, "If my puns aren't allowed, then I'll just leave the Order!!" The Jedi's ultimatum was given as a response to several Jedi finally drawing the line. "He's punning all the time," one Jedi, who asked to remain anonymous told us. "It's like every other sentence out of his mouth. Most of them have to do with plants or trees or flowers, although he said a terrible one the other day about nanites and being Knighted." The Jedi facepalmed as he told our source this.

 

This seems reflected in most of the Jedi Order. "He never stops," one Jedi told us secretly. "I hear the Council is fed up. He's having a bad influence on the other Jedi. In fact, sometimes it's all I can do not to pun. He's Cere-us about his puns. Oh no! I just did it! You see?"

 

Meanwhile, other sources say that Master Givrah has been sighted teaching the ways of the pun to his apprentice. Our thoughts and prayers are with her.

[Jaeva Janhavi]

Media channels across the galaxy are dominated by increasingly alarming reports from Coruscant...

 

"...and we are told that the moon is on a direct collision course with the city-planet..."

 

"...could mean the end of this ecumenopolis, which has been the seat of galactic goverment and culture for millenia..."

 

"...according to some reports, the cause of this catastrophe is the infamous Vladimir Faust, long since believed dead...Others are blaming this crisis on a Sith attack, while still others blame the Galactic Alliance..."

 

"...In this time of crisis, we have seen beings going to extraordinary lengths to help their neighbors evacuate the city-planet..."

 

"...refugees already streaming to other Core Worlds and beyond. The Senator from Bakura said that her planet is already experiencing an influx of more refugees than her planet can handle..."

 

"...reports of mass chaos in the streets as the moon looms ever larger in the sky. The planet itself is experiencing massive tidal forces, resulting in ground quakes and..."

 

But the common thread throughout all the reports was a repeated warning: If you were on Coruscant, you needed to get off world NOW.