NavyGal Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 (edited) an hour ago I got home from watching the best Aussie movie I have ever seen called Beneath Hill 60. I recommend you look it up. There are a couple of scenes in the movie that really got to me and so I need to get my thoughts out. This is the first of a couple of things hope to write. Set in a tunnel under enemy lines. The Germans have just blasted through into a diversionary tunnel and this Aussie soldier is caught in the blast. ~~~~~~~ I open my eyes slowly. All I can hear is the ringing in my ears. All I can feel is the pain of being thrown by the explosion and half buried. I fumble for my matches to light the candle I never let go. Sulphur strikes and burns. I light the candle. The flame flares bright and quickly fades. I am light headed. The flame dies and I am left in the dark. All I can see is my darling Elsa knitting away. I promised her I would bring our son back. I promised her he would be safe with me. He is alive. I have kept that promise. But I can never keep this one. Darling Elsa be strong. I will see you in heaven one day. Walt son, stay safe. Stay strong. Make it home to your mother. Look after her for me. You're a man now. I kept you safe. Keep her safe for me. Keep her safe... ~~~~~ Let me know what you think. Wrote it in about 10 minutes. Edited May 12, 2010 by Guest looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myth Hunter Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 WOW! That was very emotionally engaging. short but sweet. I loved it. I had to reread it a few times so that I truly got the impact of it all. It took me a couple of reads to understand about where he was when he saw Elsa, but then it all just fell into place and the ending where he's saying for the son to look after his mother was even more powerful. It makes me want to wish that the son does get home safely. But I'm out of cheesecake. Taking over JNet, 1 thread at a time. JNet Royalty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 Thanks Robyn. That is one of the most powerful scenes in the movie for me and I just felt I had to get down what he was thinking. And this is the result. I've got something else written up that I hope to post in the next day or two as well as something bouncing around my brain so we will see how it goes. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryoo Jaxxon Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 The short jagged sentences really adds to the feel of the piece. I like the way you did that. Whats the movie about? before I go hunting... For those of you who knew me, it was great, for those who didn't, welcome. http://www.naese.com/images/Ryoojaxxon.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted May 13, 2010 Author Share Posted May 13, 2010 http://www.beneathhill60movie.com.au/ Thats the official website. The movie is set in WWI. In France as well as Ypres, Belgium and some scenes are set in Queensland, Australia. It follows the First Australian Tunnelling Division and is adapted from the diaries of Captain Oliver Woodward who was a mining engineer before he enlisted for the war. He was in charge of a group of Australian soldiers who all had mining experience and their job was to tunnel under the enemy trenches and set charges etc. and to avoid the Germans who were also tunnelling and frequently breaking through into each others tunnels. They had listening posts where they used stethescopes and primitive microphones to listen to each other tunnelling and try to work out what the other side were doing. The film focuses on the events at Ypres, Belgium and Messines Ridge where they mined to a depth of 90 foot underground and set mines beneath Hill 60 as it was known and the German trenches. They eventually set them off in 1917 killing 10,000 German soldiers with what was one of the largest if not the largest non-nuclear explosion until the Atomic Bomb. It was reportedly able to be felt/heard in London and also possibly even in Dublin. The film came out on April 15 here. It is being shown at Cannes within the next week and hopefully will make it to the US. It is definately being released in the UK and there has been strong interest from within Europe including France, Belgium and Germany. One of my favourite things about the movie though is that the Germans speak German! Rather than speaking German accented english like many films have they have them speaking German and subtitles! YAY! looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ar-Pharazon Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 That's very interesting. I agree with Ryoo. The barrage of quick sentences seem to add to the emotional value of the situation. Being confounded by this war, seems to have the narrator thinking in shards of thoughts, as opposed to a more cohesive, thought-out manner. It's really tough for me to get my head wrapped around the piece though, due my lack of familiarity with the source material. Maybe I can get ahold of the film before too awful long though. Not bad Nat. I'm really glad to see you writing. This forum has been charge lately. Let's keep it up! [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.] Member of the Four Horsemen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted May 16, 2010 Author Share Posted May 16, 2010 Thanks Ben! It is a fantastic film. I just saw on the facebook page for it that in the first of its two screenings at Cannes film festival it was seen by 180 people and not one person walked out which is extremely uncommon for Cannes Short peices are what I am best at. Which is why I like poems to write... short and sweet. I rarely get a coherent train of thought to put together something longer even if it is still one post so when I do...well its a bit of a miracle. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemia Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 Loved it. The short sentences make the pace and emotion that much stronger. Good job. "MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 I agree with Artemia. The short sentences added to the drama. You really captured the scattered thoughts of someone in his last moments. I think my favorite line is "All I can see is my darling Elsa knitting away", because it sticks out and is perfectly placed. Good job, Nat! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 Thanks! I definately like the way the short sentences work in this. It was kind of how it came out. How would he be thinking? Well if he's in shock, etc. from the blast and lack of oxygen he isn't going to be very coherent. And Ami you don't know how much trouble I had trying to get that line worded right. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darthe Vipersecythe Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 I fumble for my matches to light the candle I never let go. Sulphur strikes and burns. I light the candle. The flame flares bright and quickly fades. I am light headed I like how "light" (almost always a positive thing) suddenly takes on a negative connatation when the protagonist feels "light headed". I also really like how you contrast "light" (the candle flame) and dark (sulphur) because they symbolically represent the war that the soldier has been caught in. Well done! I think my favorite line is "All I can see is my darling Elsa knitting away", because it sticks out and is perfectly placed. That was my favourite line too! Mock me And I Will Strike You Down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi Snarky Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Very nice vignette! You write emotions quite well. It doesn't matter what color of hair you have, only that you have hair. My Niece Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi Snarky Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Very nice vignette! You write emotions quite well. It doesn't matter what color of hair you have, only that you have hair. My Niece Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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