NavyGal Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 (edited) Hey everyone. Recently I've found myself writing a bunch of poetry which I thought I would share. Not all at once but over a little bit of time. Anyway here is the first poem. Let me know what you think. Children of Summer They dance across the burning sand, and cool their feet in the wide ocean. Sandcastles, cricket and volleyball; These are the children of summer. Edited March 7, 2012 by Guest looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Two thumbs up! I'm actually taking a poetry class right now, and so I'm being exposed to lots of poetry. That said, I like yours alot. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dartha Athanth Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Nice! I like the rhythm in the first 4 lines. Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Here is another one of the poems I wrote which is untitled thus far: How to say As I do This love is not from me to you. Some things in life, are hard won. Others are never done looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TJM Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Nice. But I didn't know it was June. Every chance I see where I have the easy opportunity to destroy something living, I pursue it with 100 percent of my very being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted November 29, 2009 Author Share Posted November 29, 2009 Huh? *confused* No idea what you are talking about TJM. Anyway here is a new poem inspired somewhat by reflection on my exchange year and discussions with friends in recent month who also did exchange. What once we were we are no more. From sapling to tree; We did grow tall. Strong and mature we have become; Experience- the earth, and the sun. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 As I've said before, I LOVE your poetry, Nat. Another excellent little poem. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 Ok time for another poem. Now this poem can actually fall under the category of fanfic in some ways. It came about while I was rereading the Tomorrow Series by John Marsden and directly relates to that series. For those who haven't read it or even heard of it I highly recommend it. It is an excellent series and the first book (Tomorrow, When The War Began) is currently being made into a movie due out in Australia in about September next year(Don't know yet if there will be an American release). Anyway here goes: What is Hell? But a creation of the mind. Yet there they ran. And they were damned To live in fear, And fight a war. By the way Ami.. did you read the second poem I posted up above? looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ar-Pharazon Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Nice work Nat. Is saying that Hell is some sort of mental phantasm your idea, or something from the book series? [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.] Member of the Four Horsemen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 In the series they(a group of teenagers) go camping in a place called Hell for fun for a week. It's called Hell because it is viewed as wild territory and pretty much inaccessible. When they come back from camping they find that Australia has been invaded. They try to find out what happened and where their families are in the first book mostly but in the end they end up hiding in hell because it is the safest place and conducting raids using that as their base to cause as much damage as they can to the enemy from behind enemy lines. One of the things in the books though is at one stage they have agreed to meet up at a certain place and that falls through for various reasons and one of the characters writes in the dust on the fridge: Gone where the bad people go. It was that line that kind of gave me the idea for this as well as just rereading the series again. I guess at least part of it comes about from people who say hell doesn't exist. That and my thoughts that we should try to live as well as we can but really according to someones religion we are all going to hell for being non believers in their religion even if in our own we are going to heaven. So is hell really something we should worry about? Is it real or is it just something man "invented" for lack of a better word to scare us into behaving or to give us a reason to hate people for who they are or what they do or do not believe in. I don't really know how to explain what was going through my head when I wrote this but I hope that helps a bit. By the way I think you would really enjoy the series if you read it LAP. One of the characters in particular, Robyn, is a character I feel you would like. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dartha Athanth Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Your exchange poem has more resonance now for me as I now have a lot of friends who are experiencing exchange withdrawal. I don't think they learnt a lot though... they played a bit too much, haha. Experience - the earth, and the sun. I like this line cos of the pause that hints that the earth and the sun are the experience not something to be experienced. Yay Natty nat! Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 Yeah I had trouble when I wrote those lines trying to work out how to convey what i meant. That these experiences are what makes us grow. And thankies to thee!!!! looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryoo Jaxxon Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 I was never much of a poem fan, but overall I liked what you did. On the children of summer piece, I was hoping you would keep it vague. By adding in sandcastles and volleyball you made it undoubtedly about human children. If you had used other things which describe summer it would have been a much broader idea. I dunno if that makes sense or not. But other than that one idea, they were very good. For those of you who knew me, it was great, for those who didn't, welcome. http://www.naese.com/images/Ryoojaxxon.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted May 16, 2010 Author Share Posted May 16, 2010 Well I was thinking kids when I wrote it... not thinking summer in general. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darthe Vipersecythe Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Children of Summer They dance across the burning sand, and cool their feet in the wide ocean. Sandcastles, cricket and volleyball; These are the children of summer. I absolutely love poetry, and this poem in particular is quite beautiful. I like how you use the word "burning" in the second line and then add the word "cool" in the third; the contrast paints a very vivid, very evocative picture even though the words themselves are so simple. On the children of summer piece, I was hoping you would keep it vague. By adding in sandcastles and volleyball you made it undoubtedly about human children. If you had used other things which describe summer it would have been a much broader idea. I have to disagree with this statement. For one thing, I know a lot of adults who enjoy building sandcastles and playing cricket or volleyball. I actually like how this poem alludes to children, and by extension, those innocent and carefree summer days that we never truly experience as adults. Don't you miss having the entire summer off to do as you please all day? I know I do. Mock me And I Will Strike You Down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted August 23, 2010 Author Share Posted August 23, 2010 Thanks DV. I think you get exactly what I was feeling when I wrote that poem! And here is another one I wrote randomly and spontaneously on the bus this evening. It is untitled. Suggestions welcome ~~~ The burning flame An inferno, for but a moment. In the grand scheme of life and the world Smothered by the sands of time. ~~~ Hope you enjoy! looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_master_gimpy Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 Nice, Nat! I like the simplicity of your poetry. It could refer to so many things - an actual flame, a life, or even a dream or passion that someone has. Even the "sand" can work the double meanings - the sands of time can bury a flame as it so minuscule as compared to eternity, and also that sand itself can be used to snuff out a fire. P.S. I also went up and read your "Children of Summer" - it made me wish for those summer days so long ago when there was nothing to do but run around free in the sun for days at a time! "It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales. "Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryoo Jaxxon Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 I liked it When I was reading this poem it reminded me of the thoughts I have when I look up at the stars and ponder the whole universe. We seem to forget how big everything really is, and how small we are in the whole scheme. Don't have any name ideas though. Also, I liked that it was short I used to hate long poetry. For those of you who knew me, it was great, for those who didn't, welcome. http://www.naese.com/images/Ryoojaxxon.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted August 24, 2010 Author Share Posted August 24, 2010 Thanks! I kind of like writing double meanings into my poems but it's not something I necessarily aim for but something that just happens. And Ryoo I don't do so well writing long poems. I seem to convey what I want best with shorter peices. Gimpy I know several people have read Children of Summer and had similar thoughts. Including my own brother! looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 Very nice new one Nat! I really liked it. Short, poetic, and full of imagery. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted August 25, 2010 Author Share Posted August 25, 2010 Thanks Ami! I always love reading what you think of my poems. And here's a little something I prepared earlier! Once again untitled. Once again written on the bus on the way home. ~~~~ Falling towards the dark centre Lies and deception Twisted and evil Rising up into the light Truth and transparency calm and peaceful The line between smudged and blurred Misunderstanding of right and wrong Common misconception Coloured in gray ~~~ Enjoy! looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myth Hunter Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 mmmm, I dunno. I've seen that one somewhere before It reminds me ofthe sort of poems read out at poerty clubs. that's a good thing btw. But I'm out of cheesecake. Taking over JNet, 1 thread at a time. JNet Royalty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_master_gimpy Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 It reminds me of the conversation going on over in the villains thread right now...those characters (whether villains or heroes) that walk the line between good and bad as motivations or intentions get twisted up in the actual actions. I like the descriptive words you used! "It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales. "Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryoo Jaxxon Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 Yeah, I have to agree with Mythie. It definitely has a poetry club feel. Not my kind of thing, but very well written. For those of you who knew me, it was great, for those who didn't, welcome. http://www.naese.com/images/Ryoojaxxon.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 Thanks! I really don't know anything about poetry clubs but I will take that as a good thing Thanks Gimpy. I try to say as much as I can with as few words as possible in each line. It just feels better to me that way. And here is yet another poem! Written about a year ago now. If you have been on my FB you may have seen it there and read it already otherwise read it now and Enjoy! ~~~ Facades This pain below is clear to see for those that know the true me. This facade I show it cannot hide what i feel deep inside. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_master_gimpy Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I really like the simple rhyming scheme and rhythm of this one. Did you mean the last four lines to reinforce that the facade doesn't hide what you really care about to your close friends, or to indicate that the facade can also fail for strong, deep emotions rather than just for certain people? "It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales. "Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 Hmmm. Not really emotion though I guess it could be. More that if a person really knows me they could tell if I was hiding something or not. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 Very nice. I too liked the simple rhyming scheme. It helped capture the emotion of the piece. I'm not sure, however, if the speaker is disgusted with themself that they put the facade up, or if they don't care, or if they like hiding behind it. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryoo Jaxxon Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 Gotta be honest, I've got nothing for this one. But I always have to comment on your poems so I don't get yelled at, so you get this. I guess I like the abab rhyme scheme. I don't have the mental capacity for more than a few letters... For those of you who knew me, it was great, for those who didn't, welcome. http://www.naese.com/images/Ryoojaxxon.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Jedi Master Posted September 5, 2010 Share Posted September 5, 2010 Very nice stuff Nat. They're all pretty brief yet contain some intense imagery and emotion. Keep up the good work. Only after we've lost everything are we free to do anything. Paper Street Press Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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