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Nats Poems- new poem 07/03


NavyGal

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Hey everyone. Recently I've found myself writing a bunch of poetry which I thought I would share. Not all at once but over a little bit of time.

 

Anyway here is the first poem. Let me know what you think.

 

 

Children of Summer

 

They dance across

the burning sand,

and cool their feet

in the wide ocean.

Sandcastles, cricket and volleyball;

These are the children of summer.

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looking forward to tit
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Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

 

 

 

Here is another one of the poems I wrote which is untitled thus far:

 

How to say

As I do

This love is not

from me to you.

Some things in life,

are hard won.

Others are

never done

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looking forward to tit
One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream.
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  • 1 month later...

Huh? *confused* No idea what you are talking about TJM.

 

 

Anyway here is a new poem inspired somewhat by reflection on my exchange year and discussions with friends in recent month who also did exchange.

 

 

What once we were

we are no more.

From sapling to tree;

We did grow tall.

 

Strong and mature

we have become;

Experience- the earth,

and the sun.

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looking forward to tit
One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream.
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  • 3 weeks later...

Ok time for another poem. Now this poem can actually fall under the category of fanfic in some ways. It came about while I was rereading the Tomorrow Series by John Marsden and directly relates to that series. For those who haven't read it or even heard of it I highly recommend it. It is an excellent series and the first book (Tomorrow, When The War Began) is currently being made into a movie due out in Australia in about September next year(Don't know yet if there will be an American release).

 

 

 

Anyway here goes:

 

 

 

What is Hell?

But a creation of the mind.

Yet there they ran.

And they were damned

To live in fear,

And fight a war.

 

 

 

By the way Ami.. did you read the second poem I posted up above?

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  • 2 weeks later...

In the series they(a group of teenagers) go camping in a place called Hell for fun for a week. It's called Hell because it is viewed as wild territory and pretty much inaccessible. When they come back from camping they find that Australia has been invaded. They try to find out what happened and where their families are in the first book mostly but in the end they end up hiding in hell because it is the safest place and conducting raids using that as their base to cause as much damage as they can to the enemy from behind enemy lines.

 

One of the things in the books though is at one stage they have agreed to meet up at a certain place and that falls through for various reasons and one of the characters writes in the dust on the fridge: Gone where the bad people go. It was that line that kind of gave me the idea for this as well as just rereading the series again.

 

I guess at least part of it comes about from people who say hell doesn't exist. That and my thoughts that we should try to live as well as we can but really according to someones religion we are all going to hell for being non believers in their religion even if in our own we are going to heaven. So is hell really something we should worry about? Is it real or is it just something man "invented" for lack of a better word to scare us into behaving or to give us a reason to hate people for who they are or what they do or do not believe in.

 

 

I don't really know how to explain what was going through my head when I wrote this but I hope that helps a bit.

 

 

By the way I think you would really enjoy the series if you read it LAP. One of the characters in particular, Robyn, is a character I feel you would like.

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  • 1 month later...

Your exchange poem has more resonance now for me as I now have a lot of friends who are experiencing exchange withdrawal. I don't think they learnt a lot though... they played a bit too much, haha.

 

Experience - the earth,

and the sun.

 

I like this line cos of the pause that hints that the earth and the sun are the experience not something to be experienced.

 

Yay Natty nat!

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Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts.

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Yeah I had trouble when I wrote those lines trying to work out how to convey what i meant. That these experiences are what makes us grow.

 

 

And thankies to thee!!!!

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  • 3 months later...

I was never much of a poem fan, but overall I liked what you did. On the children of summer piece, I was hoping you would keep it vague. By adding in sandcastles and volleyball you made it undoubtedly about human children. If you had used other things which describe summer it would have been a much broader idea. I dunno if that makes sense or not. But other than that one idea, they were very good.

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For those of you who knew me, it was great, for those who didn't, welcome.

 

http://www.naese.com/images/Ryoojaxxon.jpg

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  • 1 month later...
Children of Summer

 

They dance across

the burning sand,

and cool their feet

in the wide ocean.

Sandcastles, cricket and volleyball;

These are the children of summer.

 

I absolutely love poetry, and this poem in particular is quite beautiful. I like how you use the word "burning" in the second line and then add the word "cool" in the third; the contrast paints a very vivid, very evocative picture even though the words themselves are so simple.

 

On the children of summer piece, I was hoping you would keep it vague. By adding in sandcastles and volleyball you made it undoubtedly about human children. If you had used other things which describe summer it would have been a much broader idea.

 

I have to disagree with this statement. For one thing, I know a lot of adults who enjoy building sandcastles and playing cricket or volleyball.

 

I actually like how this poem alludes to children, and by extension, those innocent and carefree summer days that we never truly experience as adults. Don't you miss having the entire summer off to do as you please all day? I know I do.

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Mock me And I Will Strike You Down

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  • 1 month later...

Thanks DV. I think you get exactly what I was feeling when I wrote that poem!

 

 

And here is another one I wrote randomly and spontaneously on the bus this evening. It is untitled. Suggestions welcome

 

~~~

 

The burning flame

An inferno,

for but a moment.

In the grand scheme

of life and the world

Smothered by

the sands of time.

 

~~~

 

Hope you enjoy!

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looking forward to tit
One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream.
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Nice, Nat! I like the simplicity of your poetry. It could refer to so many things - an actual flame, a life, or even a dream or passion that someone has. Even the "sand" can work the double meanings - the sands of time can bury a flame as it so minuscule as compared to eternity, and also that sand itself can be used to snuff out a fire.

 

P.S. I also went up and read your "Children of Summer" - it made me wish for those summer days so long ago when there was nothing to do but run around free in the sun for days at a time!

"It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo

Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23

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I liked it When I was reading this poem it reminded me of the thoughts I have when I look up at the stars and ponder the whole universe. We seem to forget how big everything really is, and how small we are in the whole scheme. Don't have any name ideas though.

 

Also, I liked that it was short I used to hate long poetry.

ryoocopy-1.jpg

 

For those of you who knew me, it was great, for those who didn't, welcome.

 

http://www.naese.com/images/Ryoojaxxon.jpg

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Thanks!

 

I kind of like writing double meanings into my poems but it's not something I necessarily aim for but something that just happens.

 

And Ryoo I don't do so well writing long poems. I seem to convey what I want best with shorter peices.

 

Gimpy I know several people have read Children of Summer and had similar thoughts. Including my own brother!

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One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream.
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Thanks Ami! I always love reading what you think of my poems.

 

And here's a little something I prepared earlier!

 

Once again untitled. Once again written on the bus on the way home.

 

~~~~

 

Falling

towards the dark centre

Lies and deception

Twisted and evil

Rising

up into the light

Truth and transparency

calm and peaceful

The line between

smudged and blurred

Misunderstanding

of right and wrong

Common misconception

Coloured in gray

 

~~~

 

Enjoy!

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One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream.
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It reminds me of the conversation going on over in the villains thread right now...those characters (whether villains or heroes) that walk the line between good and bad as motivations or intentions get twisted up in the actual actions. I like the descriptive words you used!

"It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo

Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23

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Thanks! I really don't know anything about poetry clubs but I will take that as a good thing

 

Thanks Gimpy. I try to say as much as I can with as few words as possible in each line. It just feels better to me that way.

 

 

And here is yet another poem! Written about a year ago now. If you have been on my FB you may have seen it there and read it already otherwise read it now and Enjoy!

 

~~~

 

Facades

 

This pain below

is clear to see

for those that know

the true me.

This facade I show

it cannot hide

what i feel

deep inside.

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looking forward to tit
One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream.
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I really like the simple rhyming scheme and rhythm of this one. Did you mean the last four lines to reinforce that the facade doesn't hide what you really care about to your close friends, or to indicate that the facade can also fail for strong, deep emotions rather than just for certain people?

"It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo

Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23

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Hmmm. Not really emotion though I guess it could be. More that if a person really knows me they could tell if I was hiding something or not.

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Very nice. I too liked the simple rhyming scheme. It helped capture the emotion of the piece. I'm not sure, however, if the speaker is disgusted with themself that they put the facade up, or if they don't care, or if they like hiding behind it.

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SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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Gotta be honest, I've got nothing for this one. But I always have to comment on your poems so I don't get yelled at, so you get this. I guess I like the abab rhyme scheme. I don't have the mental capacity for more than a few letters...

ryoocopy-1.jpg

 

For those of you who knew me, it was great, for those who didn't, welcome.

 

http://www.naese.com/images/Ryoojaxxon.jpg

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