DarthBrendo Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 Nice update. I like the way Austin used his Police-trained skills in his spars with Vurdas, which would have been unexpected to Vurdas and the way you differentiated their reactions to being chastised. Solid update. Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 More please? Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Obi-here Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 So. Obi the ass returns after not reading for nigh-on three months. Go me. Alright. Chapter 2. As she passed the sword racks, a particularly distinctive sword hilt caught her eye. With a mischievous gleam in her eye,... Two descriptions of her eyes at the end of one sentence and the beginning of one following it. I find it repetative. I find it repetative. "No," he shrugged, "but I've eaten breakfast already." PET PEEVE! Shrugs don't make noises. Shrugs don't speak. He can't shrug the word "No." By the time you've oiled and polished your sword... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!! She whispered to her horse, which broke into a canter, happily leaving the stuffy old stables and bursting out into the fresh morning air. I love this description. I can see it happening, and I can almost smell that fresh air. ”œKemeniel githor.” "The circle is complete! Now I [Obi-here] am the angst Master!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethro Brealis Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 Nice, Obi. Very meaningful, very necessary... and course you managed to throw in a "that's what she said" to boot. I don't even WANT to think about that. *shifty eyes* So, I'll be posting the next update soon. I want to proof it briefly before posting. "According to this website, you should never trust the source of an online quote." --Abraham Lincoln Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Finally. lol Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethro Brealis Posted December 25, 2008 Author Share Posted December 25, 2008 Okay, so it was longer than I expected... Here it is. Yes, the first part is a sort of info dump, and I'm worried that it's redundant... let me know on that. Chapter 8: Riders to the North The second day was definitely worse than the first, Austin reflected, as he tried to mount his horse without putting undue stress on his legs. So far, it looked an impossible task. With a leap and an accompanying burst of pain, he made it onto the animal. Finnlass was already mounted up beside him, snickering. ”œHarder on the second day, isn't it? You're already sore from the first. Actually, the third day is the worst, because by the fourth, you're starting to toughen up.” "According to this website, you should never trust the source of an online quote." --Abraham Lincoln Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Obi-here Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Notwithstanding the gloomy conditions, Ralynne folded her bedroll quickly and was the first in her unit to be mounted. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!! ... Yes. It is time for me to go through another chapter. ”œIt's a simple matter,” "The circle is complete! Now I [Obi-here] am the angst Master!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethro Brealis Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 There are two pop culture references in this chapter. Can you spot them? Man, it's been so long since I wrote this section. Ugh. Critique away. Chapter 9: All The Small Things Finnlass spotted it first. He usually did. ”œSoel Kel, dead ahead,” "According to this website, you should never trust the source of an online quote." --Abraham Lincoln Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I enjoyed these last 2 posts. I like the connection that he can use basically any language for the spells, but its about focusing the mind. The last post in particluar read nice and smoothly. Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dartha Athanth Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Nice! Didn't catch the two pop culture references though - unless it was Bow-Chika wow wow. Heh! *punches ethor for austin* Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 MAGIC MISSILEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Did not like the Bow Chicka Wow Wow. At all. Bad. (flails) Totally out of place. It doesn't flow naturally at ALL! I liked the bit on spellcasting and how any language works, it's about intent. It's similar to how I've made my characters spellcast in BP (since apparently intent alone isn't visual enough for my readers)--a word in a language, encased in the element. I also like his distain of mounting up again. Sore and stiff. Sounds about right! Pooooor guy. Oh well! Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I caught one of the pop culture references..it was in the title..."All the small things" is a song by Blink 182. Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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