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Nar Shaddaa


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Nia turned quickly towards the voice, spotting a Kel Dor approaching. She nodded respectfully as he spoke, glancing down at the lightsaber in her hands. She gave a small smile, presenting it to him. "It's uh... it's my... was my father's. Broken, too. I've only recently joined the order. I don't even have a master yet."

 

"My name is Nia Doarr. Nia is fine, though. It's a pleasure to meet you, Kel."

 

She took a moment to properly take in his appearance. He wore armor, which caught her off guard. She was sure her own father wore armor when necessary, but she still held the idea of peacekeepers and sages. But, she supposed, she shouldn't be too surprised. They had just returned from what seemed to be a major conflict. She looked around for the group she'd come with, but couldn't see them.

 

"Excuse me, but I just got here with a few other hopefuls- I was supposed to be assigned someone to teach me about being a Jedi. Do you know where I can find them?"

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Hours passed like minutes as Aidan scrubbed his armor. Carbon scoring, dried blood, all manner of dust and debris. Dirty armor simply wouldn't do, it wasn't how he was trained. Even though it had been conflict after conflict lately, and he didn't even have the time to clean his armor until now, the dirt was a mark of dishonor. He was gifted a military bearing by the Remnant, and now he would hold true to the same. Another spot on the pauldron, just below the armor plate. There. Now another, behind the left pectoral strap.

 

He tried to busy himself to not think about things, but still his mind wandered. Dark Sun had been rather uneventful for him. He sought the front lines and managed to find the exact spot in the action to not experience combat at all. Whether it was luck or misfortune didn't matter now. He'd lost more friends in that battle. Well...not so much friends as people he'd worked with. Ran drills with. Ate and conversed with briefly in the mess hall or sparred with in the training pits. And there were now significantly less of them.

 

Finished with his armor, he turned to his lightsaber. The hilt was mostly spotless, but it could still use a shine. He'd made the saber just before the battle but hadn't found the chance to test it, and that nagged at the back of his thoughts. What if he had been in a position to use it? Could he have saved some of them? Did it matter? He'd asked the same questions of himself a million times over in the aftermath of these battles, and finally he felt like he was going numb to them. The pain of loss was still there...just...duller. 

For now, all he could do was wait. The bigwig's meeting would conclude in a bit, and he could meet with Sandy and relax. There was still so much to do, but there was always much to do. They both could use some relaxation, a moment to unwind among the chaos. His mother was also here, and, well...he still wasn't sure he'd completely come to terms with his strained relationship with her. At least she was better than Aryian. He kept scrubbing the hilt.

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"Broken? well that's a shame." Kel cupped his hand around what could be considered the chin of his breath mask pondering how to assist the jedi hopeful. Nia quickly explained that she had been separated from her fellow hopefuls seeking a master to guide them in the ways of the Jedi. "Even if you do find them, I think you'd be waiting a while. The masters,  including my own are in a conference with the Empress. In the mean time, why don't you follow me to my ship? I might have some parts that could help you fix up your father's light saber. After all, a light saber is a Jedi's life."

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She nodded. She'd never seen her father without his lightsaber. It was part of why she always had it on her. A little part of him to hold onto, to remember. She stashed the weapon back in her robes, stepping behind him cautiously as she walked. Thee were a lot of people here, and she didn't want to get lost again. "Yeah, it's broken. I don't know what the issue it- I don't even know how it works yet. I was hoping the Jedi could help me. I know I'm Force-sensitive, but I don't know how to use it aside from moving some things. All of this, it's new to me. How long have you been a Jedi?" she asked, looking at him.  

 

 

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"A few months now, I'm still a Padawan. in fact our recent attack on the black sun was my first real taste of battle. Master Sandy prepared me for the reality of war, but there's a difference between talking about war and fighting in it." The two of them walked through the shipyard until they reached Kel's ship.  A Delta-7 interceptor. Kel hopped into the ship's cockpit dug through the ship's stores, and pulled out a toolbox. it was a good thing he stocked up on parts when he first constructed his lightsaber back on Felucia. having found what he was searching for, he slid on the ships hull back to the ground. "These should help. Now, the next step would be to disassemble your father's lightsaber to see what the problem is." Kel sat on the ground and laid out a cloth on which to place the saber. "It will take but a moment."   

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Nia watched with interest as he pulled out a toolbox and laid a cloth at her feet. She sat, placing the lightsaber delicately onto the cloth. She watched with interest as she spoke, her interest piqued as he mentions the Black Sun. That must be why everyone was here, on Nar Shaddaa. "What happened with the Black Sun that the Empress and the Jedi needed to get involved? Is it the sith?" she asked.

 

While she didn't know how her father had died, only that the Sith had been involved somehow from the snippets she'd heard the Jedi who broke the news to them. That they may have caused such disarray like what she saw earlier dismayed her. "I uh, I don't know how to disassemble it. He never taught me. Told me I'd never need it. He didn't want me to become a Jedi. Not at my age, at least."

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"A hostage crisis. We were assisting the imperial remnant in rescuing the empress from their clutches. The Sith came to assist the black sun. I wouldn't be surprised if the black sun were merely puppets in their scheme." Once Nia had placed the saber in the cloth, "Now watch carefully. you will need to learn how to do this yourself at some point." Kel extended his hand, reaching out to the saber through the force. it floated in the air and came apart piece by piece. throughout the process Kel could feel the blade's history at his finger tips. flashes of Mia's father and the life he lead flowed through his mind. With the saber disassembled in its entirety, Kel gently levitated the pieces down to the cloth. Once that was done, Kel began examining each piece of her father's saber seeing what parts could be kept and what needed replacing. once that was done, he examined the bright blue crystal before handing it to Mia. "You must know by now that one of the many trials of a Jedi is to find a crystal they are attuned with and construct their own lightsaber. And though your father is no longer among the living, this crystal is still bound to him through the force. If you are to use this light saber as it is, you must bond with it as he did. After that, I can guide you in reconstructing the lightsaber."

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Nia shook her head. "The Sith do a lot of terrible things, but have they really stooped so low as to blatantly ally themselves with petty criminals? What happens if they win? Then waht? Do they expect the Black Sun to just sit quietly and mind their manners?" She sighed. Hopefully the two would tear eachother apart long before she had to join the fighting. As much as she wanted to avenge her father, helping people is why she always wanted to be a Jedi. It wouldn't do her or anyone else any good if she got swept up in some crusade of vengeance. 

 

She was snapped out of her thoughts as Kel asked her to watch closely. She focused on the blade, watching as it floated into the air. She'd rarely seen her father use the force- he always thought it was wrong to use it in every day life, and she never saw him while he was doing his duties as a Jedi. But when he spoke next, Kel confounded her.

 

"I knew that- it's one of the stories my dad used to tell me when I was young. I don't know how to bond with it, though."

 

Even if she did, if her father was still bound to the crystal, she didn't know if she wanted to bond to it. It was all she had left of him, and to remove a piece of him like that... it bothered her.

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"When I went searching for my crystal on Ilum I found a chamber full of crystals. I had no idea which crystal was mine. But then, I remembered my master's teachings. The force is in Everything. Like the crystals, we Jedi are Conduits through which the force Flows. When we draw upon the force, we merely channel its will. To bond with a crystal is to be guided by the force. Trust in the force Nia. Let it guide you."

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((So much to catch up. Sorry for the wait.))

 

"Then I would do so with great sorrow."Mythos spoke, his ears parting as he hung his head, sitting down low enough for the girl to do her work in comfort. As he watched the artificial limb being brought in, he flinched, his kind unacquainted with such devices. Yet, his mind spoke of an undesired trust within this one that he couldn't quite fathom. Perhaps she was genuinely honest? Perhaps his time had grew him soft? He wasnt quite sure. Yet, he found a sense of comfort in her as she went about her work.

 

Her work was painful to say the least, even with her use of the Force. But pain was something that Mythos had always known even as runted pup. And it came in a variety of flavors, both emotional and physical. But the pain he felt here was minimal compared to the loss he knew was felt during Coruscant. Oh if only he could have been there.  He flinched as she began attaching the nerve endings, his elongated tongue lapping at his teeth in his displeasure, his brow furrowed. It was more pain he needed to endure, to know the suffering of those he could not protect. And so he would, his face scrunched each time he flinched, until, at last, she was done.

 

"I understand little one." He said with a hoarse voice, the semblance of the tears he had shed still wetting the fur upon his face as he rose to meet her departure. He tilted his head and upper form forward into a slight bow, his ears perked up. "Until we meet again."

 

But he knew very well that it would be sooner than later, having heard Slaughter's voice as well, the canine physicality a more refined one. And so not long behind Sandy, Mythos would arrive behind the young Jedi Knight and take his place beside Slaughter, nodding, with another figure soon joining him opposite Slaughter's form as the tower Shistavanen took a brief moment to speak to all present.

 

"But you have became what you fight." Mythos raised his mangled voice as high as he could so that all would hear the severity of his voice. "Perhaps not intentionally, but you have. Whether your powers of the this mystic energy you call the Force that eventually corrupts, or your actions in battle, you have. In fact, the Sith whom I fought held the same self righteous convictions in which we all hide behind, whispering words of her family's demise at your own hands...."

 

Yet before Mythos could get another word in, the figure that followed him stepped into the frame from behind Slaughter, Kari's Togruta face familiar to at least one within the room (Armiena) when she nearly destroyed the Gala Temple at Lusef Aryan's bidding nearly a decade ago. "The Shistavanen is correct, in a manner of speaking. The Sith operate without rules, forging their own as each dynasty rises and falls. But we are not such creatures. We still stand behind the very laws that were created many of millennia ago by our forefathers, and that is what separates us. They may not be held accountable for their actions, but we must be, or we shall fall into the very same anarchy in which the enemy thrives. We must maintain the balance. We must unite and place all disagreements aside for now."

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Nia hesitated. She'd need time. Time to think, and if she needed it, time to say goodbye. It would mean waiting for a working lightsaber, but that was hardly her priority at the moment. She handed Kel back the crystal, shaking her head. "Thank you for your help, Kel, but I'll need some time to think about it."

 

She stood, stretching her legs. "So, are you from Dorin? I've only heard stories."

In truth, she'd only read about different planets on the Holonet in her spare time. School taught her major history, like the old Republic's descent into the Empire, the Sith and the Jedi, things like that, but individual planets and their cultures had always been a hobby of hers. A side effect of being cooped up in the same town that she grew up in. It was part of why she had been eager to join the Jedi, originally. All the new cultures and languages, give her an opportunity to learn.

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Raven’s mouth twitched as the conversation carried far off course with accusations of war crimes getting thrown about like grenades in a battlefield. No discernible defense for the accused, it looked like the New Rebellion would start off with an execution. Not the worst of places to start a rebellion, and there was no denying that non combatants had been carelessly slaughtered like nerfs. So Raven raven leaned forward, her large purple eyes looking at the grandmaster and back to Slaughter inquisitively. Sure it was only some three hundred black sun employees getting murked by radiation sickness. She remembered Kuat and Kamino. Every Imperial in the room was now very much on the edge of their seats. And many eyes had now a hard set in them, hands gripping seat cushions or handles with white knuckles. 

 

Kamino

 

The Knight Sarna was correct, the Jedi order itself was at stake. Raven looked on at the Jedi order pooled about her, split into multiple factions, and her heart wept for the Jedi order. All of them were a decision away from committing a massacre. How could one live that way? She nodded at the Jedi Grandmaster turning a bandaged hand face-ward. 

 

“As the Grandmaster knows, The Imperial Knights are very much a schismed order from yours, uniting will take time. And much will depend on how this internal affair plays out. All of us in this room, Moff and Imperial Knight alike remember Kamino and Kuat. As do Republic soldiers remember the massacres that we took part in. Not to mention both sides melting towers on coruscant like slag not too many decades ago in an effort to weed out resistance. It was through our past errors this new Horror of the Sith are upon us. We must determine the morals on which we build this Rebellion or we cannot stand together.”

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Pretender to the Galactic Throne

Leader of the Rebel Alliance

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“Grandmaster, if I may…” Armiena didn’t even look at the data slate that she had been passed by the Kiffar. “This isn’t the moment. I mean… I’ll do it; I’ll give these soldiers a lesson that they will never forget. I… I'll make sure that they continue to be useful, but in the future...” The veteran Jedi swallowed hard and dropped the medical records that had previously absorbed her full attention. 

 

Draygo was in danger of making a speech. She found herself wishing for a retreat from this overcrowded medical ward--the room was only intended for a patient, a few medtechs and perhaps a pair of visitors, but it had now been stuffed to the point of claustrophobia with an informal Jedi Council, the high command of the Galactic Alliance and the Imperial Remnant or whatever they were calling themselves now, and even a few line soldiers and Jedi Knights who had somehow learned of this secret meeting. Perhaps it was necessary at this moment; perhaps Alluyen and the Jedi needed a stark warning of the dread forces that they were about to unleash upon the galaxy; perhaps they needed a reminder that one of the surviving veterans of the previous war was among them, one who had witnessed and inflicted the same magnitude of destruction on the galaxy. 

 

The miniature motors and gears began to whirr in the exposed mechanisms of her prosthetic hand and her face had flushed red. She plowed forward in a stream of consciousness, not daring to look at her fellow Jedi or the career soldiers. “We must be more disciplined with our use of violence. Everyone in this room has done terrible things and justified it to themselves afterwards. We aren’t simply responsible for our own actions, but those of every soldier under our command. There must be clear contrast between our actions and those of the Sith, or we are lost. I don't just mean that we will lose this war--it will inflict such a toll on ourselves that we won't be able to justify or forgive ourselves for what we’ve done. That is, if we haven't warped ourselves to such a degree that we no longer see any need for it."

 

She looked down into the insta-caf in her hands. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to preach. This meeting was supposed to form an agreement of cooperation between our forces and I’ve derailed it.”

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"I understand." Kel placed the crystal back in the crystal chamber and began the process of reassembling the saber and instructing her to watch. while he was reassembling it he answers Nia's question. "Yes, My home world of Dorin is quite different from most. while yours is a world submerged in deep oceans, mine is a dry dust bowl betwixt a pair of black holes. The weather is quite severe on Dorin. so much so that a group of mystics called the Baran do sages were formed to predict it along with other natural phenomena, and form counter measures. with the rise of technology, the sages developed the ability to peer into the future. Eventually they became valued political advisors and prevented many wars in their time. My grandfather was a sage and he taught me in their ways. After his passing, I left to join the Jedi order. I wanted to explore the galaxy and deepen my understanding of the Force." After his story was told, the reconstruction of the lightsaber was completed. "That should do. all it really needs is a crystal you're attuned with. Which I'm sure you will find in time." He extends the light saber to Nia hilt first.

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She listened intently- she'd only read brief mentions of the sages, and not anything concrete. They were a secretive bunch, but here she was across from a former sage! She had several questions, but she restrained herself. They'd likely be on Nar Shaddaa for some time- she didn't need to ask them all at once. But she did have a few questions for Kel that she wanted to ask now. She held out her hand to help him up, asking as she did.

 

"You said they can see the future- is that true of all of the sages? Can you? And does that mean they're all Force sensitive like the rumors say?"

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 Kel grabs on to the offered hand and hoists himself up."Yes. Baran do is a force sensitive tradition. though not all of those rumors are true. For instance, we don't communicate telepathically. We just like to let people think that because it intimidates them. And while sages can see the future, through my Jedi master's teachings, I have also learned to look to the past. even the tiniest pebble can hold a grand history. Take good care of that light saber Nia. Someday, You might just find what you're looking for." 

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Nia continued to listen, excited to learn all that she could. At his last comment though, she hesitated. Something about he way he spoke caught her off guard. "I don't know what you mean. I've wanted to be a Jedi since I was young- and now here I am. If anything I'm looking for adventure, but I wanted to be a Jedi for so long to help people."

 

She turned back towards the staging ground that swarmed with other Jedi and with Imperial and Alliance troops. The Sith were still out there. Hurting people. Fighting wars. Conquering planets. If the Jedi fielded an army, she didn't know what would happen. Just that it wouldn't be good. She doubted the galaxy need more soldiers and generals. "How many of the masters do you know by name?"

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"Of the masters here, I know three. my own master, Sandy is a fierce warrior. Though she is still a Knight, She is Strong and dependable. She lead the defense of Chandrilla against the Mandalorians. I remember being on the ground there evacuating orphans. She made sure we never came under fire. Though at times she is quite reckless. She was still recovering from injuries sustained during that battle when she went to assist us on the assault of the black sun base. Master Tobias Is mysterious and cunning. He has a Sharp mind and is always focusing on the grand scheme of things. I met Grand Master Adenna once in passing. It was after I obtained my crystal in the Temple on Ilum. which was also shortly after the fall of Coruscant. I remember naively suggesting we send aid, but she pointed out that any we sent would have arrived far too late."

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Nia frowned. Either Kel Koon hadn't met many masters yet, or the Jedi order had shrunk since her father was alive. He'd tell her stories of all the other knights and their apprentices. He never spoke of his own, if he had one. Another thing about her father she didn't know. But that didn't bother her- If he didn't tell her or her mother, then it probably wasn't important. Still, she couldn't help but hope she was assigned to a master who didn't jump to fighting first. If there even was anyone like that.

 

"You met the Grand Master?" Grand Master Adenna was the only name she recognized so far, and she'd only been mentioned briefly when her father spoke of the Order. She always got the feeling that he disliked her, though he always denied it with a smile and a laugh when she asked. He'd only know her through reputation, and she only knew him by what was present on the Holonet.

 

"Your master sounds like a good woman. I'd like to think that's where I'd find myself in a conflict- helping the helpless."

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Sandy stared defiantly back at Tobias Vos for what felt like an eternity before the man looked away and she fixed her green eyes on the Grandmaster. Her response was calm and necessary, reassuring, along with what the Empress and Aidan’s mother also spoke. Hearing what amounted to an agreement on keeping the budding rebellion and Tobias’s men in check she let a soft smile cross over her freckled face. She nodded her thanks to those that had spoken and clicked her boot heels together in a crisp military manner before she turned and left the antechamber. She smiled at Aidan's mother as she passed the woman. She was a fascinating Jedi Master and Sandy felt if given the opportunity, they could be friends, though Sandy expected she had much to learn from the woman. 

 

The corridors were long and winding and gave the young Jedi knight the time she needed to think. She let her connection to the force drop for a moment and exhaustion slammed into the back of her head and she stumbled against the wall of the corridor. She let out a groan and steadied her breathing. Chandrilia, Black Sun Station, all of it was eating away at her. She hadn’t had much more than a nap for days. Her eyelids drooped until she opened back up her connection to the force, life spilled back into her arms and legs like a switch had been flipped. She blinked twice, took a deep breath or two and then started back down the corridor. 

 

A few minutes later and she was striding into the ward dedicated to the Imperial Knights, a brightly lit bay that held many different amenities including a Cafe machine that she eyed jealousy. She wasn’t an imperial knight, but perhaps she was the closest a Jedi Knight could get without actually taking the blood oath to the Empress. She could sense Aidan down the bay a bit and a glance told her that he was cleaning his armour and lost in his thoughts. She paused a moment before swallowing her embarrassment at the stupid flirting she had attempted so many times before and walked down to the grav couch opposit him. She sat down gingerly and pulled at the strappings to her own armour, pulling the plates off her chest and arms with a sigh. She adjusted the tunic under them and frowned at the sweat marks that the armour had left after nearly an entire day of wearing it. Uhg. Her nose was delicate enough to discern her own smell wouldn’t offend Aidan or the other knights that were in the area since they were all in the exact same situation. She took a look at the bacta bandages that still wrapped her side and shoulder and convinced that she wasn’t leaking any vital fluids she looked up at the dark haired man across from her. 

 

She leaned forward and reached out with the force in the jedi equivalent of a shoulder tap. 

 

“Can I borrow a bit of your polish? We aren’t issued any in the Jedi Order?” She gestured towards her carbon scored armour. It was an open invitation to conversation or silence whichever he preferred, she didn't mind either way. It was nice to just sit with a friend. 

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Calix Meus Inebrians

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Adenna could sense conflicting emotions in Tobias as he was put under the spotlight, and it pained her to do what she was about to do. She had hoped to handle this among the Jedi, but it seemed now that their dirty laundry had to be put out into the open among their allies. Perhaps it was better this way, a way to garner more trust and faith for the Jedi Order.

 

"War always causes terrible things to bubble up out of each of us," she said sadly. "None who fight remain untainted or emerge unscathed. My predecessors and many of the current Jedi recoil from that taint and struggle to remain true and pure to the Jedi way. I admire them for their intents are true, but in this Galaxy, those aspirations are not for everyone. There are some who, like me, deliberately take a stand knowing what it will cost. When this war is over, I will either be dead or, if we win, I will gather all of those Jedi who joined me in fighting and we shall go into exile so that the taint upon our soul will not spread to those Jedi who remained pure. It is a sacrifice I willingly accept, and I will be the first to put any who fall along the way out of their misery lest they become what they have vowed to oppose.

 

"I bear no illusions as to the path we take and how harsh and full of blood it will be. There will be horrific things that come from this war: both accidentally and deliberately done by our side. Any who think the innocent can be entirely spared is dangerously deluded for the innocent always suffer. Our only respite is the hope that, though the suffering that breaks out today, many more tomorrow will be spared."

 

She sighed heavily, "That does not mean we should ignore the travesties brought upon the innocent, nor should we leave the guilty unpunished. We must take responsibility for our actions and the actions of those within our authority. When those under our authority do reprehensible things, we must look within to see what role we played ourselves in creating the environment that caused our subordinates to take such actions."

 

She looked directly at Tobias. "To that end, I am relieving Master Tobias Vos of his current duties and authority over the Jedi's intel and business networks. Those shall be turned over immediately to Master Hazgel who will assume all of the duties that Master Vos once held. There will be a place for Master Vos in time, but until then, he is to spend his time meditating on the harmony of the light side and serving the war effort in an advisory capacity only. Though I will not force him, I do believe he may be well suited to present himself before his fellow Masters for evaluation. Should he do so, I welcome a representative of the Imperial Knights to attend and observe.

 

"As for me, I must take responsibility for the entirety of the Jedi Order, including all the actions of those forces serving under its banner. If the Jedi are to fight a war, we must do it with the utmost moral authority. The armed forces serving under the Jedi do so of their own volition: they do not follow nor are they bound by the rules of the Jedi Order. Still, this is no excuse. Since they are a volunteer force and took no oaths of allegiance, I cannot force them to disband. However, I do offer command to the Rebellion, be they Admiral Slaughter or the Empress, should you feel that is best. Some may reject that and leave, but I feel most will follow whatever is decided here."

Adenna Sig

 

Send PM's to Travis.

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Aidan passed the small tin of polish to Sandy as she asked, along with one of the rags he'd been using.

 

"They don't really issue armor to the Jedi either, from what I remember. But...it looks like that could easily be changing." Aidan kept working on the lightsaber, bringing out the luster in the chrome pieces. After a moment, he looked up. "No, wait, for that..." He moved around behind her, guiding her hand with his, "You want to move the polish in line with the texture of the surface, otherwise you might scratch it. Like that." After a few seconds more he let go, letting her continue on her own.

"Raistlyn taught me that. He, uh...he didn't make it back." Aidan paused, thinking for a long moment about whether or not he should polish the man's helmet for his next of kin. It would be a nice gesture, but Aidan honestly didn't even know if he had a next of kin, and there were more important things to do. "You know, it's weird, when last I saw you, I had a burning desire to get to the front lines, to fight and even potentially die for my Empress. I never made it that far. I kept getting tasked with escorting seriously wounded back to the medical frigates. Kind of comical, really. I'm, uh...I'm still not sure whether I regret it or not. I know the Jedi would say what I did was still noble and valuable. It just...wasn't really what I expected."

 

He let the words hang in the air, not sure why he'd said them, but he'd also always just felt more comfortable around Sandy ever since she'd taken a shine to him at Kashyyyk. 

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Sandy grinned sheepishly as she gratefully accepted the small container of polish and offered rag that Aidan passed her. She grimaced when she was called out at not knowing how to actually polish her armour and had been liberally applying the polish and rubbing like she had been doing with the dark brown leather boots. His hands however were warm and rough, and surprisingly gentle as he showed her to polish along the grooves of the armour. She whispered her thanks and gulped down whatever rush of feelings that had caused. She listened to him carefully as he talked about his fallen friend and his unfulfilled desire to see combat. She let him finish then looked up at him with clear emerald eyes. 

 

“Of course we would say its super noble and valuable of you to be caring for the wounded. I mean it is valuable that you helped those people but that doesn't mean that your feelings of wanting to serve the empress and fight aren’t valuable. You are an amazing fighter Aidan, I have seen a little of it, but perhaps it's good that you didn't blindly follow your feelings.” She shrugged her thin shoulders, then winced at the pain, “We can’t always be killing our way through endless hordes of Sith and Black Sun. I’m proud of you following duty instead of your feelings, that’s really important.” She took a tired breath then grinned, "Plus there's always like tomorrow when we can go take our revenge for what they did to the empress." That had been especially nasty. 


She rubbed at the armour a little bit before pausing and pressing against the bacta patch on her shoulder. Considering if she should press a bit further into what seemed to be paining him. “Tell me about Raistlyn, I know he was a friend of yours. I am so sorry he didn’t make it back”. 

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Calix Meus Inebrians

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As he was relieved of his roles and responsibilities, a heaviness lifted from his shoulders and he could breath a little easier. However, this still looked back on Adenna as well. He nodded in acknowledgement of Adenna's orders and agreeing to her suggestion of a Imperial Knight scan of his aura, dismissing himself from the meeting moments after Sandy had left.  Leaning on his cane as he walked, he left the room all-together. 

 

One mistake was all it took, apparently. He visited Nel'Pi briefly, neither of them was in a talkative mood so it was back to the hanger for him. Making all the necessary copies and briefings Master Hazgel would need for his tenure as the War Master. As soon as all that was done, he purged his local copy of the records so there wasn't anything that could be said of him tampering with files that he no longer had a right to. 

 

The hanger bay was quiet, save for the emitters and their gentle humming tone. His ship was empty, save for the PIT Droids, who he stripped of their personality subroutines again. Unsettling. He thought, and left to go down towards the armory- to an open area where he could properly meditate.

 

Since everyone was in the medical wing of the ship- or taking care of the wounded; He felt a sense of guilt for not being there himself, but he needed to take care of his mental state right now- or as best he could, while on a ship. While en route, the shape of a trandosian came into his field of vision- but before it could solidify, it was blown away by some unfelt wind. He didn't want to deal with Sabatin's ghost anyways. When he exited the turbolift- there was Master Maris, but no words were exchanged. Maris bowed, and Tobias nodded his head back to him, then walked right by him. Maris's hurt could be felt through the Force, but onward Tobias walked- into the armory, into one of the firing ranges, activated the training drones and watched them take to the air and hiss around. Walking into the center of them, several things happened at once- his lightsaber sparked to life, training bolts erupted from the emitters on the drones, and the lights went out. And so began his first round of meditation. There was no anger, no sorrow in his aura- there was regret and frustration, but nothing that wasn't in check or could be exercised out. Nothing would linger, other than his long-term mission here- that determination he would keep. 

 

 

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"Well...he was one of the other Imperial Knight initiates. He took great pride in how he wore his armor, and helped me with mine when I was still learning the ropes. That and he enjoyed a good horror story. That's...really all I knew about him. Nice guy."

 

Sighing, Aidan wiped the remaining polish off the chrome and admired his work. It was a lightsaber worthy of an Imperial Knight, one he was sure Kyrie would have been proud of. 

"You're a Jedi Knight now, right? I never managed to advance that far. I don't suppose you have anything to teach that might be helpful? Maybe something that will help me control my emotions a bit more?"

He tried to make the last bit sound humorous, but Sandy would likely be able to read through his feelings and realize it was something he knew he was weak in, and as a result it was embarrassing for him. Brief flashes of when he'd fell into his berserker rages fluttered through his thoughts, but he quickly suppressed them. He was better than that. He would become more than the sum of his parts, to include his passion and anger.

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((Bruce Slaughter and Armiena Draygo))

 

“We’ll find a way to make it work. They might be volunteers, but we’ll find a way to integrate them into our forces, secure the logist… ics…” Admiral Slaughter began, only to find his nerve fading as he became aware of the fact that Draygo had just fixed him with a knowing stare.

 

The veteran Jedi took a sip of caf. At this point, the steam had faded and her lip curled almost imperceptibly. “Grandmaster, I respectfully disagree. Our order has occasionally made terrible mistakes. I should know--I’ve committed some of them. That doesn’t change the fact that to many people in the galaxy, the Jedi Order is the foremost champion for the rights of sapients and democracy--and that a vessel under our command would be one of the most welcome sights imaginable in a time of crisis. Our leading a force of like-minded individuals--not professional soldiers, not clones, but of idealists who are willing to fight and suffer and kill for our values would be a source of comfort for many in the galaxy. To relinquish this force could be seen as an--an abdication of our responsibilities.”

 

“It’s your call, but this is a critical moment.”

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Sandy kept her silence as she scrubbed slowly on the pauldron of her armour where a phosphoferrite round had struck and burned through the first level of lammelated plate. The carbon scoring was thick but she worked away at it with a mix of fingernail and polish. She stole a glance out of the corner of her eye at the black haired Aidan and with a gentle application of the force she could sense a rising turmoil of emotions seething just under the surface of his handsome demeanour. Her blonde eyebrows raised to peaks as she slowly turned to the man. She sat the armour down beside her and wiped her hand on her tunic, leaving a dark smudge of chromium polish. She ran her hand through her bright blonde hair and answered with a wistful smile on her lips. 

 

“Yeah I’m a Jedi Knight, though some thought I shouldn’t be. I even have an apprentice somewhere around here.” She turned fully towards him, so both of her booted feet were firmly on the metal tile. “Aidan I would be happy to teach you anything I know, I struggled a lot over my emotions and feelings. Let me show you...” There was no better way then dragging him along. 

 

She reached out and took one of his hands in both of hers. Feeling the rough calluses of years of sword practice as she let her connection to the force reach out to his so that he could feel and see what she did if he pushed into the connection. “Now, I was always taught the best way to teach was by bringing someone along with you so please pull away if you need to, you will see stuff you may not want to- “

 

She let her emotional suppression drop, the filters that surrounded her traumas dropped and she invited the full storm of them upon herself. Something she had not willingly done in several years. The colour drained from her face so that she was nearly as white as the walls and the blue veins in her forehead traces a river through a terrain of dark freckles and small white scars. Her breathing increased in rhythm, becoming fast and shallow. She invited him wholly into her trauma in order to show him how she addressed it. 

 

Darkness 

 

Fingers scrabbled at the stone floor of a dark Thallassian cell as tears lashed a face covered in cuts, arms covering nakedness as a giant Togarian stared down with a lewd smile, his hand reaching down as she screamed in defiance. The fear and terror that bubbled over the connection turned to disgust and shame as the scene changed again, to a knife held in her own hands dragging up the length of her arm. The carelessness and disgust and self harm to keep down the deep set boiling rage. Panic attack turned to frothing anger as Sandy spoke shakily. A red flush replaced the sallow white of her cheeks. 

 

“Now we begin to address it.” Her voice was strained and her hands gripped Aidan’s fiercely. 

 

“First we must ground ourselves. Use one of your senses to do so. Concentrate on that sense. Tell yourself what that sense is. For instance I am focusing on the roughness of your hand, the strength of its grip. Use that centre to branch out.” With a solid connection to something tangible she could begin to concentrate on bringing her breathing into check. “Then we have to address the feelings themselves, I used to bottle them up.” Her hands squeezed his tightly. “That's really not healthy. Take the emotion…” She took a deep breath. “Acknowledge the validity of it hold it before you. Then when you have acknowledged it you can let it settle. Take the edge off the rage and let it go, let it leave in each breath while focusing on that centre.” 

 

Her emerald eyes flickered open. She let the embarrassment slowly ebb away as the rage from her ordeals bled away as well with each breath. 

 

“Now that is a whole lot to take in. Do you have the energy to try?” She cocked a tired smile. "Or if you trust me, do you want to talk about it? What is bothering you?" 

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Calix Meus Inebrians

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"I...I think I can try."

Aidan closed his eyes, following her instructions. The one thing his father had always tried to teach him was to imagine the tree. The exercise was a simple one, meant to teach those new to learning the ways of the Force how to reach out and feel it. There was no tree in particular, it was simply the tree, whatever tree felt right to the person at the time. Aidan always pictured a vibrant oak tree, impossibly tall, sunlight gently filtering through the shade of its leaves. This was his grounding, his center.

 

But this time, some of the branches high up were withered, diseased. Their leaves had changed to a sickly brown or had already abandoned the branch. Suddenly Aidan was among the branches, climbing through the tree in his mind, feeling the memories and emotions of each leaf, each branch that represented him. It wasn't exactly what Sandy had tried to get him to see, but somehow it just...felt right. As Aidan neared the first branch his fist clenched, gripping a lightsaber hilt that ignited in front of him. He wanted to lash out at these parts of himself. They were weakness, poison, they didn't deserve to be part of him. 

 

But that's not true, is it?

 

Before he swung, the faintest whisper touched his ear, words echoing from nobody and nowhere. They were right. Sandy was right. He needed to acknowledge their validity. Exorcism had taught him to rid himself of these feelings, to burn them to their core until there was nothing left. But from their ashes, from the wounds left behind, more and more insecurities and toxic emotions sprang. 

 

With a sigh, the lightsaber blade shut off, turning into a pair of pruning shears. Aidan reached down to the branch beneath him, positioning the shears, feeling the part of him this represented. His inadequacy over not being more than he thought he was supposed to be. Nobody had told him otherwise. He was the son of a Grandmaster and a Jedi Master, but that didn't need to define him. And it no longer would. It took some strength, but the pruning shears cut through the branch, allowing it to fall to the ground, where it would rejoin the soil and nourish the tree. 

 

Another branch, his hatred for his ever-absent father. Snip went the shears, down went the branch. His embarrassment at never being good at making friends. Snip, fall. Another branch. Another. There were so many more, but for now, he felt he'd made good progress. It was all a part of him. It had grown from him, it was him, but Sandy was right in that it didn't need to be. 

 

As he opened his eyes, he realized that Sandy would likely have seen everything. For an instant, he felt embarrassed, remorseful...but quickly allowed the emotion to slide. He didn't need to keep up an impenetrable shield. He was who he was, just like she was who she was. The echoes of her memories still resonated inside him, and he finally found the strength to speak.

"Exorcism teaches a bit of a different way to deal with emotion. With encroaching darkness. I'm not sure it's as...healthy as this, at least in the long term. It's probably why there aren't many of them left. And...I never knew any of that about you. Um... Thank you for sharing that with me."

 

There was a long pause of silence. He wasn't sure where to go from here. It was just nice being around someone who understood.

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Her grip remained steady on Aidan’s rough hands, the heat from the two pairs of hands melting the wax based polish that was still staining her fingers until it rad like chromium blood to drip onto the tile floor between them. The journey he took them on was strange to Sandy, esoteric and somewhat terrifying but she stayed with him the entire time. She watched as he worked, cutting and pruning the emotions he held against his father she could feel the malady of pride surge in her as she watched him work. Pride at every emotion and how well he embraced what she had urged him to do. As he slowly withdrew from his inner emotions and into the cold reality of the room, so did Sandy. She took a few steadying breaths and slowly looked back at him. She pushed back the desire to give him a fierce and congratulatory hug and settled for squeezing his hands instead. She didn’t want to thoroughly embarrass him so soon after he pushed through such emotions anyway. She cocked a tired smile. 

 

“Exorcism is a valuable thing, but if we used it constantly I think you would burn up to a crisp before you ever got to fight a dark lord. I am so proud of you.” It wasn’t meant to be a demeaning observation, but one that hard a word of caution. She had been taught exorcism as well and it was always a double edged sword. “Thank you for not pitying or judging me for my experiences, it’s something I am always afraid and embarrassed about.” She let her smile become soft and she squeezed his hands again before letting go and sitting back wiping at her wet eyes with a finger that left a dark streak over her lower eyelid of polish.. “Thank you for sharing with me Aidan. It means a lot that you would trust me like this.” She looked at her hands and laughed at the smeared greasy polish and futilely wiped it on the front of her dirty tunic. She sighed exasperatedly at the futility of it and stopped trying to clean her hands. 

 

“Do…” She looked back up at him. “Do you want to learn more? Like I can’t officially teach you anything but I think we have a lot to learn from each other.” It was a mutually beneficial officer but she would understand if he chose not to. They were from two different orders plus he was older than her by almost four years. But she felt like she had to try. It was so nice to have him as a friend and with death always around the corner any chance at all she could get to know and learn from someone like Aidan was a chance she would take. 

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Calix Meus Inebrians

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