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Genesis

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About Genesis

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  • Birthday 11/21/1984

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  1. A place for, those of us whom want or require critiques of either our characters or our writing capabilities, to post said critique request and allow users to give them with impunity so that we can grow as writers and RP'ers. Please do not post here if you cannot handle severe criticism or are easily offended. This is meant to help us grow on a personal level and should be taken seriously, which requires us to take a look at our faults and weaknesses as much as we look at our strengths and skills.
  2. "There's an old saying that predates the Republic, one that many have used to justify whatever action they take. This battle was no different. And in the midst of this 'No deed goes unpunished' conflict, I found myself quite open and vulnerable to its logic, despite my own personal beliefs." - Genesis Stormhelm As our journey began, I was quite surprised and confused at the way Armiena was being treated. She was a Master of the Order, and Adenna had sought out her council before when we first arrived at Borleias. Surely she would have sought her out again, as rumors of the Jedi's dwindling numbers had began to circulate. But this wasnt the case as Armiena and I were escorted to a small briefing room resembling a lecturing hall. While I wondered about this, I stayed silent and attentive toward the Officer below as he displayed and call off our objectives and placements, my mind mostly paying attention to the forefront that what was going on with the Jedi Order as a whole. After affirming my stance to Armiena recently, I knew I needed whatever aid I could get if I was going to survive it, and the information given gave me quite the arsenal to ponder. Especially as I had chosen a non-lethal path to walk. I knew I had the Force to rely on, but the Force could only do so much. As the briefing was let out, I dismissed myself from Armiena's presence and went to my assigned quarters. This mission was going to be hard, as even I knew it, but I could not bring myself to ever take another life, even in defense of my own. So i needed to think, and afterwards, rest and relax. ................................................. The next day, i woke up and grabbed a few nutrient bars per my usual before heading out to catch up with Armiena. I had spent alot of time in thought last night, both planning a strategy for myself and remembering Coruscant. My best bet would be an unorthodox one, using a blaster with stunning capabilities should i need to defend myself. But Armiena seemed to have came to the same conclusion, as when i found her, she had an array of weapons and armor surrounding her. Climbing up next to her, i spoke. "Morning Master." That was all i managed to get out as she handed a blaster my way and started describing its features to me. I kinda smiled at this, the elder Jedi's memory likely on the fritz as i used a similar weapon on Coruscant. But then again, that was a most strenuous day for all of us, so there was a chance she likely didnt see. Just as i was about to speak this to her, klaxons began to blare as we all felt the shift of exiting hyperspace reveal its self and the hangar bloomed with frantic life. This was when I noticed the change in Armiena's demeanor, even her gaze shifted about with worry. In truth, this was the first time I had ever seen Armiena react in such a way, and it only made me worry more. What did she sense? Was it a trap? Was there an unexpected surprise looming out of view? My mind ran with questions as i grew alert, only half hearing what she spoke in continuing her lecture. I had already responded to her own display of emotions. It wasnt until she revealed the cause that I snapped back to reality and my face turned to hers, ghost white in comparison. "Your...your son?"
  3. "The life of a Jedi is neither dull nor ending, for as one crisis is adverted, another follows quickly behind. Coruscant, Borleias, war... no rest for the wicked which meant to rest for the we who stood against the Darkness that threatened." - Genesis Stormhelm "There was no need Master." I spoke in return to Armiena that day as she sighed. Even if she had asked, I still would have helped. I was just grateful that we had managed to stabilize her a bit so the others could take over and prolong her death, even if only for a bit. It may have been all we could do, but we did it. "I'm glad I was able to help this time." As the others began to take over, I followed Armiena as we began our trek outside, tossing aside the contamination scrubs for my own clothes and placing the patch back over my Miralukian heritage. I could see that something did not bold well and that something laid upon her mind, but I had never been one to push any issue, even now that I held a slight sway to do so. And like clockwork, she opened up to me as we neared the landing pads. "I see." I spoke, a hint of uneasiness flowing over my own form as I remembered back to Coruscant, how it seemed forever ago, yet wasn't as long as it felt. Climbing about the freighter, I turned to her. "If it's anything like Coruscant, we both have a right to be worried." And with that, we made our way toward the Justice's Mandate and onward to the plans of war. But despite the uneasiness I felt, all I had to do was look her way, and somehow, I knew that everything would work out for the better. Now if only Armiena could have such faith in herself.
  4. "And its through that understanding, experience, and knowledge... that we know the need for time and the lesson taught by it." - Genesis Stormhelm A million and one possibilities were racing through my mind in that moment, and I weighed every outcome as if it was as viable as the last with hope that this one or the next would be the best solution when I felt Armiena's familiar touch fall upon my tensed form, her presence bringing me out of the state of shock I had begun to fall into. She always seemed to have a way to ground my mind and heart whenever she was near and as she voiced her suggestion, I was secretly glad she had done so. As I gazed at her, I smiled briefly and nodded, her suggestion reminding me of the time we stood upon the precipice of Coruscant's destruction, and in that moment, our thoughts had became one. At least this time, I actually held power to truly aid. Feeling her conciousness open and her defenses fall, I followed in suit, tip toeing into the abyss that was her mind as I allowed her to meld with my own. Typically, I was never one to freely open myself so, but Armiena was the only person to have known all of my secrets and still remain unjudgemental. I trusted her above all else, not just as a teacher, but as a mother like figure as well, our time together binding is in such a way. At least, for me, it had became such. As had become accustomed, I followed her instructions, paying close heed to her words as we progressed and noticing her movements, following every detail in close unison. And as our senses joined with the woman's, I simply rode the waves of Armiena's divination. Slowly the woman's body began to shut down, organ by organ as we guided her body into it's hybernative state, keeping her heart and mind active the longest so that we could preserve her as best we could. In truth, it was a terrifying ordeal to witness and be a part of, but I understood its necessity even as her breathing shallowed and her heartbeat faded. And when it came time to lay the passphrase upon her still lingering psyche, my gaze shifted toward Armiena. This power, even as a passenger upon its pathway, had taken much of my strength. But it was the only viable option of saving her life, even if it required her feigned death. Hopefully the outcome was one we were hoping for. ((Post 2 of 2))
  5. "In time, comes understanding, experience, and knowledge. Without time, nothing is ever learnt or experienced." - Genesis Stormhelm As Armiena left upon my suggestion, I turned toward the fold before me. My gaze turned serious, remembering my Master's words as we went about saving the Twilek from earlier as well as the consequences of pushing myself too far. There were so many injured and very few hands to aid, even as more poured in every day. I wanted to help all that I could, but I knew I needed to pace myself. So I went about, offering aid in triage at first before I would attempt a more complex aiding. Minutes would turn into days, and days into weeks as I went about, offering my aid where it was needed. I started in triage, helping with minor injuries and gathering local and exotic herbs and medicines from the surrounding forests as well as medical freighters that poured in with supplies, taking in what i learnt and recording it to memory. Salvants, suppressants, antidotes for local poisons, all retained within my mind as many cases crossed my path in the weeks that followed. And from triage, i ventured into more complex injuries, helping to reset bones and makeshift splints as well as heal cuts and gashes, both with aid of the Force and with my own hands. And those weeks would become a month, taking my time to learn what I could without pushing myself. But as I trained and learnt, I also began to notice a stamina beginning to grow within me, noticing that it took longer and longer before I felt myself faint or weak. But still, as those moments would come, I would leave and find a place to rest, even if only for a few hours. In my moments of rest, I would take time to meditate on the day, letting myself wander about within the Force and let it flow through me, feeling its rejuvenation return to me. And then I would close my eyes in peace and serenity, letting exhaustion wane away into oblivion until it came time for me to wake. Except this day, when I awoke, a new challenge had presented its self. I awoke to screams and yells, causing me to jump from my cot. Barely awake, I hurried from the tent that many of us here at the medical units had came to call home to see a group of rescuers flowing into the critical ward of the hospice, a total of ten patients badly injured and in need of treatment. I didnt ask any questions and followed in quickly behind them, adorning a fresh batch of scrubs after sanitizing myself as I went. I didnt know it yet, but these were some of the numerous scouting parties sent out daily for local supplies, only this group found out the hard why the need for equipment checks were mandatory. It seems the speeders they took malfunctioned, and the patient that now laid before me was likely, multiple contusions and lacerations, as well as internal bleeding and a punctured lung. I stood there for a moment, locked in by fear, as I gazed upon the human female with horror. She was almost unrecognizable. ((Post 1 of 2))
  6. "Does the Master ever truly become the student?" - Genesis Stormhelm Armiena was a bit of weird one for sure, her always having these moments as if she was talking to someone beyond the veil, but I always admitted that they came across strange. Similar to the first time we had met, when I approached and spoke, her attention seemed elsewhere, so I stood in silence, my gaze shifted to where she was looking. A surgeon, tired by the way his presence felt, just as much as hers, still tirelessly doing his duty, as was she. A smile kinda perked up on my face momentarily as I found solace in their efforts. But that disappeared when I remembered why so many had worked themselves into oblivion. As she turned and began talking about persuading others using the Force, I had to admit I felt uncomfortable about it at first. But as she explained the application, it lessened up on feeling like manipulation and felt more like suggesting. So I figured that I would try my hand at it, especially if it benefited those around us more than it hindered. As she spoke though, I could see her own tiredness, and secretly I opened myself up to her, touching at her presence and feeling the exhaustion that was beginning to set in her own form. Opening myself up more, I could feel my own tired presence begin to intertwine and run across her own as I simply nodded in agreement, using my facial expressions and my own drained form to grow suggestive as she was instructing. "Your right Master." I spoke as I let the Force that had built up and intermingled with her own presence release upon her. "You have done all you can. Maybe you should go rest for a bit." Hopefully she hadn't noticed.
  7. "Exhaustion is never an ally, always an enemy. Stimulants can only persuade the inevitable." - Genesis Stormhelm Darkness began to fade into light as I saw Armiena's gaze falling upon me, my mind taking a a lingering but short moment to realize that i had again gave way to unconsciousness. I strained as I sat up, my mind groggy as I realized that I had pushed myself well beyond my limits. Normally, it was a good thing, especially for a Jedi like myself, as the know one's limit was to press past it. But I had been doing that quite alot the past few days, and it was beginning to affect me in a not so good way. "Don't let me hold you back." I spoke in jest as I opened my hand to collect the incoming glass of water the MedTech had brought in offering, taking a sip to quench my dry mouth. "I think I may have pushed myself a bit too much with that last maneuver." And in truth, I had. The past few days had began to take its toll not only on my form, but my psyche as well. The exhaustion was beginning to take its toll. But I wasn't about to give into it so easily either. I needed to rejuvenate myself. My crimson hair shifted as my gaze turned from the cup toward Armiena, the exhaustion self evident in the bags under my eyes and the bloodshot eye that fell upon her. Sitting the rest of the way up, I felt the sway of my unbalanced center, and i knew i was no good at the moment. "Go ahead. I'll catch up in a few." I spoke, finishing off the small amount of water i had been given. "I just need a few moments to refocus myself." As I waited for Armiena to take her leave, I crossed my legs to recenter myself and stop the swaying. I knew the consequences of my actions held alot ot weight, but I didn't expect such a toll. Still, I needed to catch myself and quickly. I was nowhere near my Master's stamina. An hour or so would pass as I sunk myself into meditation, allowing the Force to flow through me and revitalize what I had lost. And when I felt strong enough to stand, I asked the Medtech for the nearest vending machine. It wouldn't take long for me to gobble down a few protein bars and grab a cup of instacaff. "Sorry about that..." I spoke as I found Armiena about, the bags still beneath my eyes, but a refound source of energy about me. "I really need to learn to pace myself."
  8. "Calmness, composure, quick thinking under pressure.... for some select few, it comes naturally... for others, it comes with time and with experience. For those who it comes to in time and in experience, you've got to fight back the confusion, the brash thinking, and the whirlwind of fear. If not, well then, you'll find yourself in quite a predicament." - Genesis Stormhelm Fear and confusion swept at my mind when Armiena spoke up and the man before us began to flatline. Out of natural instinct, I stepped forward to follow her lead, wiping away my fatigue as my adrenal glands began pumping in full force and delved back in as quickly as possible. I was frantic, my hands trembling with the constant sound of the flatline coming across the machine beside us, as my mind flew through the Force and following every cell and atom it came across, searching for what we had missed. I could feel Master Armiena's presence, her touch keeping his heart pumping even as the muscle and tissue around it began to slowly lose function and ached to die off. Yet, I continued onward. I was literally pouring myself into his body, unconcerned with my own well being as I followed each and every path I found myself presented with. Each aorta, each vena cava, through the numerous atrias and ventricles and beyond, searching for the slightest of tears or blockages, following the paths from heart to lungs and back again. It was a maze, so deep and confusing that it left my head spinning most of the time. And yet, there it was. A slither of a tear in the Interventricular Spetum that was flooding the heart from every direction and cutting off it's natural flow. Closing my mind off from everything around me so I could solely concentrate, I focused the Force into its tissue, begging for it to will it to heal. And as I did, I could feel the tissue begin to repair its self, and as such, a sense of relief fell upon me. But so did another sense as I feel a feeling of unconsciousness begin to take me. The last thing I remember was the tear finishing its healing before I fell backwards into oblivion.
  9. "To hold one's life in your hands is sometimes said to know the know the Force's will over that life. But to me, I say it's a dangerous saying. To me, to hold any life in my hands is by the Force's will, so that I may understand that life, and in return, understand the guidance of my own." - Genesis Stormhelm As Armiena began, I followed in suite. I gazed down upon the Twilek, compassion and pity within my singular eye as my heart broke for him, the urge to stroke his face nearly impossible to fight as I wished to bring whatever comfort I could. Instead, I did as my Master, placing my hand upon her own as I opened myself up to not only the flow of the Force, but to her desires as well, allowing me to trace her will as I guided my own. Yet, as my skin touched hers, I recoiled momentarily as the residual emotions within his mind caused me to reel in his pain as if it was my own. It was powerful. I could almost feel the intense heat resonate in my own form as if I was aflame, the sudden sensation nearly taking my own breath away. But I struggled against it, the rythmatic deep breaths I took in and exhaled taking all I could to bolster my resistance as I focused harder. I followed her thoughts across his form, taking note of every stem, every vessel, every cell that tinged with life, and followed her deeper. I saw the damage beneath the skin even without the use of my right eye, I felt the cells slowly dying and decaying beneath what had been scorched. And as I followed even more, I let the Force flow through me, letting it's own will guide my thoughts and prayers for the poor soul as I let it's current take ahold of me. It wasn't an easy task. This much I knew the moment I delved in behind my Master. And if I hadn't followed her will or guidence, I never would have succeeded. But as the Force began to flow forth from me along the current I swam upon, slowly and steadily, the damage began to be repaired. Cells began to pulsate with new life, almost replicating at an abnormal rate. Dead tissue began to close fissures and scar over as if months of growth were taking place in a matter of moments. And as I opened my eye, i noticed his breathing to begin to take a turn for the better despite the pain he still reeled in. I could feel the exhaustion begin to take hold within me, fighting against it as i fought to remain upon the path before me. This had to be the most consuming endeavor I had ever undertaken since that day on Felucia, including our moment on Coruscant when Armiena laid helpless from the storm. But thankfully she stood here to help me, to guide me, as we attempted to stabilize the man before us. And as we continued on, slowly his vitals began to regain their composure. His burnt lungs began to return to their normal pink color as the burnt tissue found its self scarred and replaced anew, as did the branches of his heart as his blood began to flow at regular rates. I could help but feel a synch of excitement as I watched the events unfold before me and through me. Not just for myself, but in knowing that where I had once taken a life in selfishness, I stood here now saving one at my own expense. And in that moment, I knew what I was capable of. I began to push myself harder, taking note of every cell, flowing my own health into it as the exhaustion grew worse. But I did not care. If I could save this man's life, I wanted to pour all of myself into it. Only such brashness was not without consequences, and I began to feel fatigued, causing my head to spin slightly as I let go and pulled myself away to catch myself. My gaze catching Armiena's, I nodded, letting her know that I was okay.
  10. "While it is true that Jedi are blades against the darkness, it is also true that they are healers of the broken. Bodies can be healed easily despite the exhaustion left. But the truest gift of a healer comes when the soul, rather the body, is what's truly broken." - Genesis Stormhelm As Armiena spoke, I could sense the disdain of what she had done in her voice, see her distaste in her facial expressions. Like myself, she seemed to find disgust in herself for all that she had done. But her experience in life had taught her that it was necessary, that it was unavoidable. But, for me, that life had yet to come as I had just begun to walk the path. Still, I understood. I had seen the same look and heard the same tone from former soldiers and mercenaries passing through the spaceport back home. Life had a way of changing one's views as a means of coping or adapting. And at my age, life had barely begun. Exiting the tent behind her, I stayed close upon her heels as we made our trek through the camp. I waved bye to the kids i had been playing with earlier, returning their smiles with one of my own before shifting my gaze to the front and a serious look returning to my visage as i wondered what her life had truly been like. She spoke very little of her past, so much so, that this had been the truly first time she had opened up to me in such a way. She had a warrior's stature as she strode onward, the first time I had noticed, but her words spoke more in volume than her appearence. She had seen things i had only heard about, and did things that made my own seem minute in comparison. Yet, i could not shake how i felt about my own. Passing the tents and seeing the refugees only painted part of the picture, the distress, the displacement, the pain of no longer having a life. I could feel it smothering me. But i could not yet grasp it's full meaning. For all i felt at that moment was sorrow and pity upon the poor souls with very little understanding outside my own. At least, until we neared a construct that laid outside the encampment, its white enclosure looming brightly against the lingering fog of humidity and fresh rain. It felt as if my eyes gazed upon another world entirely, an eerie feeling creeping up my spine and raising the hairs upon my neck. And then we entered. As soon as we entered, it set in where we had landed. From the sterile smell of the decontamination chamber to the familiar Bothan face that met us with accostation, I knew we had walked into a makeshift hospital not unlike the one I had visited a few times back home. Only this one presented the lingering feeling of dread and aftermath. This was where the events of Coruscant began to truly set within me and the realization of the truth became apparent. As Armiena handled our entrance, I followed her lead, finding myself in similar attire to her own save for the lack of the patch that covered my lidless socket and revealed my Miraluka lineage. In truth, I felt exposed without it, but i trusted Armiena's reasoning, and followed her inward. Even as she spoke, the Force its self accosted me with the emotions that ran rampant within the hospital. At first, it was breathtaking, almost too much to bear as the accumulation of pain, sorrow, anger, weariness, and exhaustion slammed into my psyche like a brick wall had fallen upon me. But after a few deep breaths and settling myself despite my urge to panic, i began to see what war, what Coruscant truly saw with my very own eyes. And it broke my heart into pieces. With each patient we passed, with each chart she read and i glanced at, i gazed upon them no longer with sorrow and pity, but with hopelessness and wishful thinking. I began to feel my stomach knot up at knowing that for most of them, there seemed to be nothing that could be done except ease them and find them a semblance of comfort. And that made me sick to my stomach as I fought to hold my lunch down. Armiena's next actions surprised me as she stopped suddenly, her gaze shifting back toward a patient whose chart she had just read as she turned and shuttered aside the curtain that hid the Twilek's grotesque form. As for me, I could barely stand the sight as my gazed shifted about his form and my own cringed at the thought of the pain he must have been in. Hearing her words, something she spoke peaked my interest even as I fought my own body against what I saw and smelt. Yet, as I reached out into the Force as she commanded, I think I finally began to understand. I felt his heart rate echoing in my own, its rhythm slow and irregular. I felt his breathing even as my own tried to mimic his and slowly began to feel my head began to grow light until i caught myself and settled my own. I could not be any help if I was to allow myself to try and breath for him. But what was this Jedi Healing she had spoken of? My mind pondered on this as I finished checking him over and turned to Armiena, my stomach churning and my face likely a bit pale and possibly green as I fought to retain my lunch. "Is there a way to help him?" I poised in a silent tone, slight burpings slipping from my throat as the gas within my stomach mixed with my overcompensating slavia in my attempt not to throw up on the spot, not from the visual aspect, but from the flooding emotional and psyche aspects that surrounded us. "Could a Jedi truly heal him?"
  11. "Ah... the age old battle between wisdom of the experienced versus the brashness of the inexperienced. I supposed it's only natural to be this way as wisdom in the inexperienced would gather nothing out of life's many lessons." - Genesis Stormhelm My gaze shifted back toward my Master's as she spoke, seeing the understanding in her own eyes. Yet the shame of it all still lingered not only in my eye, but in my soul as well, resonating with my own persona and being. It was my choice, and what led up to it, that made me into the young man that stood before her today. Despite my fall at such a young age, and the consequences that still linger upon my heart because of it, I had made the decision to help others. Even before I came to the Jedi. The crystal that we each held in our pockets would have fed many had i not been caught. But fate held it's own ideals. "Then you understand?" I questioned, the fear of taking another life ever present within the depths on my sole eye's iris even as i gazed into her own. "As i forced that life to end, i reveled in the fact that it ended, despite my wish to have joined it. That is the stain upon my soul that I have attempted to wash away since." My gaze shifted toward my own clothes, still dirty and ragged after Coruscant, reminiscent of what I viewed as my soul. "But now that I am following the path of a Jedi, I remember the words that my Mother once spoke of the Force and of the Jedi. Those words were that the Force were the greatest ally one could have at their disposal, especially for a Jedi, whose sole purpose is to stand against the darkness wherever it blooms, even in one's own self. I sometimes wonder if she could see things that I could not, even now that I walk this path beside you under your guidence given the secret I've carried for all these years"
  12. "To truly understand the Light, One must know the Dark" - Genesis Stormhelm As Armiena approached me, I must confess that I anticipated a slap to the face for what I said earlier or even a scolding for having taken a life such as I did. Even in that moment, I knew a little of her forgiveness and knew the choice I once made as a child would not escape it. But never did I know that when she wrapped her arms around me in such a tight embrace, that I would react in such a manner as I did. I can not say whether it was from the pain I remembered of that day, or if it was the regret I had held in my heart for so long, or if it was even from my regret from having said what I said to her earlier that day. But when she grabbed and embraced me that day, I broke. Tears began to flow my eye as if the sky had broke and rain covered my cheek. But I wept and sobbed like I have never had before. My chest ached, my lungs strained in between gasps of air as I sobbed, and all I could do was grasp her tight and bury my face into her form. All the pain, all the regret, all the loss, it flushed my mind and blew from me as the lava had rushed to the surface of Coruscant just hours before. And to make it worse, I could not stop it. It kept coming and coming and the only thing I could do was mutter "I'm sorry. over and over again even as my throat grew dry and my voice grew strained. And so I stopped fighting and simply let it go. And even as she drew away and stared into my eyes, her words and questions heard, I could not stop. Slowly time passed as my soul bared it's all, the heavy weight I had been carrying for so long only amplified as she questioned me about the life I took and how it felt, and I could not answer. I knew the answer, as did she, and it pained me to even think about admitting it. But as the time passed, the pain began to slowly lessen and wash away with the tears I wept until finally I began to dry up and settle myself. The heart ache remained, the weight forever mine to burden, but my composure began to return even as I caught sight of the young child from before peeking in out of curiosity at the previous sounds of my wailing. I forced a smile, wiping the tears from my cheek, and finally turned my attention to Armiena. I knew it was time to admit the truth I have refused to acknowledge for so long. "It felt so right, but, it didn't, all at the same time." I said as I sniffled, my nose running despite my constant wiping using my sleeve. "In the moment, I didn't care for it no more than I did myself. I only wanted it to kill me. Just remembering it makes me sick to my stomach...." I took a moment to cough and clear the mucus draining down the back of my throat and swallow it before continuing as I wiped at my eye again. "It did feel good to take the life that was a part of the ones who took away my own, even as I felt the blade sink into the Kath. But secretly, I envied it, hoping for its maw to claim my own. I didn't want to be left alone." Having said that in the open now, I hung my head in shame and even in briefest of moments, considered my life as a Jedi over. But I would be alone again, left to once again walk as an orphan with no purpose in life but survival. And that wasn't a life i wanted to live now that i had found my place among the Jedi and under Armiena's guidance. I needed the Jedi. I needed to help others, even if it was but a brief smile I was able to give, like with the children earlier. I needed purpose.
  13. "There are times where words cannot fix things, but actions can. I had hurt my Master more than I could have imagined, and while I could have simply have let it rest, my conscience nor my character could ever let it be. It was even apparent upon my face when she spoke to me after her return that day." - Genesis Stormhelm "Master...." I began to speak, but the words could not nor would not escape my lips as I began to apologize. Instead, my eyes simply spoke the feelings that resided within my heart and as my face drifted away from her gaze in shame, instead choosing to gaze upon the dirt below me and the small twig that I twisted and broke within my hands. A few brief moments of silence would pass before I replied to the question she posed, a question she deserved to know the answer to. "Its because of my childhood, and a promise I made the day that my parents were killed." I sighed. I suppose I was a bit on the melodramatic side during these years, but given the life I had been dealt, melodramatic was the least of my worries. That aside, it was still a sore subject to approach even after all these years, my memory of a little hazy from fighting to forget it, but some part parts remaining etched into my memory forever. This was one of them, just as was the lifeless forms of my parents and the events leading up to their deaths at the hands of the kath hounds. Of their sacrifice and their aim to protect me no matter the cost. But this memory was even more sorrowful, as there were two truths to every story, two tales to be told. And this was what let to me making such a promise that day. "As you know, my parents were killed by Kath Hounds when I was a child. And I took the life of the last one before I collapsed. And the reason I collapsed was from the death I wished upon myself in my moment of pain and anger. You saw this in the vision that was shared when we first met." My thoughts shifted back to that day, back to that Kath that stood before me, rearing backwards and keeping distance from me as I held the blade in my hand, stepping forward and backing it into a corner against the speeder we had took that day, my eye filmed over by the tears I shed, wishing to go with my mother and father just moments before it attacked and fell upon me and the blade. "But what you didn't see, nor did I know until they found us, was that she never intended to attack me. I remember them mentioning as I was being taken away that her attacking was rare, as pregnant Kaths rarely engage anyone unless provoked...." My face turned toward Armiena's at this point, my eye flowing with tears as I revealed what I felt was a unforgivable crime, even if I was too young to have realized, let alone known. It was why I swore I would never lift another blade, or shoot a weapon outside of stun. It's why I swore I would never take another life, even if it was at the expense of my own. I didn't care of the consequences. Through the weeping I uttered. "I provoked a pregnant Kath. In my sorrow, I ended the life of a Kath and her unborn when there was no need. Yes, I lost my parents, but I ended lives that haven't even began. That's why I swore I would never take another."
  14. "There are times when the truth is the hardest pill to swallow, but there are also times when the truth shouldn't be spoken. I never was any good at determining such a time, and even to this day, regret that I spoke it to Master Armiena no matter the outcome that followed. For in my honesty, I broke her heart." - Genesis Stormhelm My heart lept as I had realized my mistake too late, the gaze that Armiena had given one speaking volumes upon which my honesty had weighed. "Master, I'm..." I went to speak, but those two words were all I managed to verbally confess before she departed the tent, leaving me to own disheartened thoughts. The tension left in her wake was thick and its weight heavy upon my shoulders, and from that moment on, I wondered if I should have said anything at all. Placing the mug before me, I uttered the words that I truly wanted to say. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." I sat in silence for many moments, my right simply staring at the mug before me, my mind clouded with the etched look of Master Armiena still as fresh as it was before her departure. I couldn't even attempt to do as she had asked, lost in my own loathing for hitting her so. Many questions crossed my mind during this time, mainly asking myself if I should have said anything at all, or should I have I worded it differently. But then I thought back to the day I lost my parents, and what I would have felt had someone said the same to me. Now I would have welcomed it, a chance to grieve their passing in earnest. But then, as a child, it would have destroyed me. It took me years to come to terms that they were no longer there, let alone grieve. And in truth, I still had not completely grieved over their passing, only a few tears here and there as I remembered the before. Now I understood where the fault laid in my words. Though sincere and caring, came off as harsh and careless, much like one telling another to buck up and get it over with like time held little meaning. And this brought tears to my own eye having made this realization, especially considering what we had been through together just these past few days. Though I had meant well, meant to give her time and space so she could, I managed to come across heartless as of the person she grieved meant nothing. And I had yet to even know who not the story behind them. Truly, my youth had gotten the better of me. Wiping the tears strolling down my face, I gazed upon the mug once more. With her gone, I could not apologize. Nor would my apology gain anything in the moment as it was still a fresh wound considering what I had said. So instead, I would wait for her return, give her time to find a semblance of forgiveness in my brashness, and then ask for it. For now I would hold up my end of the bargain and focus on my training. Or try to at least. Sighing, I began. Closing my eyes, I began my breathing techniques, focus myself and centering myself as I touched upon the Force that flowed around me. Like aboard the ship, I listened outward, feeling those around me and feeling the energy that flow through them. Though there was much depression, anger, sorrow, and disgust, I also found hope, joy, happiness, and selflessness flowing amidst the darkness. It was the unlikeliest feeling, noticing those damaged by all that was lost still holding true to a brighter future, if not for themselves, for others they cherished or knew. But then I turned that focus inward. I searched for the mug through the Force, trying to attain its presence, remembering Armiena's words as I did. The first few tries came up unsuccessful, the presence of objects a hard presence to capture. But then I began to feel it's cold temperature, noticing its texture and dimensions as if I was seeing it through my left eye. Only I wasn't gazing upon it with my heritage, but with my mind alone. And to be honest, it was the strangest of feelings. Though the Force flowed through it, it held no feelings of it's own, nor did it give off any sense of sentience. It was bland, lifeless, almost as if it simply existed for no purpose. And in the back of my mind, I wondered why the Force even flowed through it at all, a question i intended on ask Armiena when she returned. "Master..." I spoke to myself, remember the look upon her face and losing my focus. I brought my knees into my chest as I sat there, haunted still by my mistake. Gazing out toward the lowering sun, sweat beading down my face, I wondered where she was and what she was doing. It was then that I caught a glimpse of a group of children playing, their laughter echoing about as they kicked a mug much like the one before me, careless as to what transpired upon their world with an innocent determination to find joy in their lives and keep moving forward in their own lives despite the bad that befell them and their families. And I smiled, remembering my own at that age despite being alone and missing my parents. It was growing up that caused me to lose that, to find struggle in my will to survive and forget the simple pleasures that life brought on it's own. Turning back toward the cup, I focused once more. Now that I knew it's presence, it didnt take long to find it once again. The laughter still echoing outside, it filled me with the joy I once knew in playing with the kids near my home, remembering the joy mixed with the pain, and it calmed my mind. And upon opening my eyes, I saw it floating before me, a simple shift of my sight tugging at its form and moving it about. A thought crossed my mind and I chuckled as the floating mug exited the tent and hovered before the children who were struck in awe at it. One followed the path back toward the tent it had exited and peeked her head in, her eyes sparkling with amazement at what I had done, my own cheerful grin reflecting her own.
  15. "Sometimes, even the simplest of emotions can have an effect on one in ways we never thought, especially in a Jedi. Jedi are taught there are no emotions, that there is only peace. Yet, to find that peace, sometimes one must face said emotions." - Genesis Stormhelm I had sat in silence for far too long as I looked toward the elder Jedi before me for guidence, watching and listening to their wisdom and truths. A wise man back home once said that you will learn more by listening to your elders than you will by following those of your own, a lesson that had become a part of my tradition as even on Dantooine I barely knew a friend within ten years of my own age. Hearing Armiena call my name, my gaze shifted toward her and I rose from my seat as I followed her out. Part of me chuckled as we made our way through the many turns and stretches of halls, my eyes averted as she threw on the 'larger than her' robes despite the undergarments she already had on from her time in the bacta tank. Her stature and etiquette had always came off almost militarized, yet, to notice the looseness of the robes upon was kind of humorous. Still, her words came across commanding as per her usual and such things only sealed the hilarity of it. Little did I know the serious tone that would soon follow however. Excitement grew in me as we boarded the shuttle that was due for deployment toward the planet below, the thought of fresh air and a new experience gleaming upon my thoughts of the horizon, and my face with lit despite the crowded posture I now sat in. It was a tight fit to say the least, yet, I was lost in the ever coming adventure to even notice. At least, until I heard my Armiena speak over the binary and electronic vocals. It was then that both of our moods shifted, leaving behind the optimism and cheer for the moment. I couldn't make out what she was saying, nor what she was being told. Yet, I knew the look that sat upon her face, a look I knew all too well as I had held it many times over my shortly lived life. It was the loss of a cherished one. I almost stood to try and reach out to her, but as she closed her eyes and herself off, adding to the lack of room to move, I decided that it was best to stay put. It wouldnt be long before we reach the planet anyways. Stepping upon Borleias for the first time temporarily brought that childish smile back to my face as the mud squished beneath my feet and I inhaled deeply, taking in all the new smells I could handle and gazing outward in every direction as my eye shifted about. Noticing Armiena walking ahead, i quickly followed, trudging through the clearing's muck as if i had walked it all my life and enjoying myself as much as i could even though i kept an eye upon my Master. As she darted into a nearby tent, i followed her in, taking in the humid air and the sights I saw as Armiena rummaged through their belonging. Sitting cross legged upon the moist wet soil, I took note of the holograms, thinking back to Coruscant and all that families such as this one had lost, the horrors that I saw, the helplessness I felt, just as I did now as I watched Armiena struggle with her own loss despite her attempt to remain unaffected and pushing herself into my training. "As you wish Master." My tone hinting at my sorrow for her and my inability to comphrehend or do for her, yet, echoing of a mutual understanding as my gaze stared back at her own. "But go outside, take a moment, breathe. And then grieve." It was all I could do or say, a lesson that I had once learned. If you bottle it up, it's only a matter of time before it explodes, and as a Jedi, it gathers us too close to the darkness that pulls at us.
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