Aira Cadan

In the scheme of things, it didn't take Mjan long to complete his lightsaber. Some people took hours, others days. I was pleased that I had judged the time correctly; I didn't like the idea of being trapped in here overnight. But those concerns were moot now, for with a twin *snap-hiss*, Mjan ignited his double-bladed weapon. "Excellent, Mjan." I took a deep breath. "With the completion of your blade, your final trial is complete. I, Aira Cadan, have trained you as a Jedi to the best of my ability. You have passed every test needed to prove that you have learned well. By right of the trials you have faced, I name you Mjan Sadow, Jedi Knight." My eyes crinkled as a brilliant white grin split across my dark features. "Congratulations, and welcome fully to the Jedi Order." Impulsively, I stepped forward and hugged him. "I'm proud of you," I told him. It felt strange. How had time flown by so quickly? Suddenly I had trained not just one but two Jedi to knighthood. And yet inside most of the time I still felt like Onderin's padawan. But time passed, relentless, ever forward, and I had chosen my path a long time ago. It was a path I was dedicated to, and a better one I couldn't imagine. I hoped Mjan would feel the same in the future. "Well, then, I guess we'd better get off this frozen planet." I picked up the discarded sack of unused parts and slung it over my shoulder. "Can I give you a ride somewhere?"

Mjan's crystal was beautiful--simple but radiating peace and calm through the Force. I handed it back to him as he questioned me about something he had seen. "I wouldn't be the least bit surprised," I replied. "Much of Jedi lore and tradition is steeped in secrecy, and the Temple Guards are among the most mysterious sects of our Order." I paused in case he had a follow-up question. Then I walked over and picked up the satchel I had retrieved from the ship and handed it to him. "Now that you have your crystal, the next challenge is to create your lightsaber. You'll find a variety of parts in the bag, and you'll need your crystal obviously, but other than that, I can offer you no assistance. You must feel what to do. Let the Force guide you. Without the Force, your lightsaber will fail--which can be rather painful," I added with a trace of humor. My tone turned serious again. "Making a lightsaber is one of the most reverential acts a Jedi does during their life. And I think you'll find that as the Force molds the lightsaber, it will also mold you." I said no more at that point, and instead, gestured for him to find a place and commence.

Things weren't going the way I had planned. I was jerked out of my meditation the moment I sensed Mjan claim his crystal. "Well that was...different," I said aloud. Either I had missed something training Mjan, or the Force just had a sense of humor. Former experience tempted me to believe the latter, but I was humble enough to know that the former was also a possibility. I rolled my shoulders and stood up from where I had been sitting cross-legged on the ice. Mjan would be on his way back now, and I was glad for the opportunity to rub some feeling back into my numb limbs. I glanced at my chrono and made a decision. Pulling my coat around me tighter, I headed back out into the storm. Once back at the ship, I grabbed a satchel I had brought with me from Borleias, as well as some ration packs, and headed back. The cave's quiet and relative warmth was almost more welcome than it had been a few hours ago. Blinking snow out of my eyelashes, I set down my bag and started to munch on a ration pack's contents. Mjan, I expected, would be there momentarily.

In the stillness and holiness of the crystal cave, I found peace. It was as if a burden I hadn't known I was carrying was suddenly lifted. The weight of sorrow, of helplessness, of darkness that had been on me the past few months faded. The pain was still there, but the quiet seeped into my soul and make the burden easier to bear. I waited, slipping in and out of meditative trances, monitoring Mjan's progress through the Force but keeping my metaphorical distance. This was his journey to undertake. I believed him ready. I only hoped that I was right.

The moment we dropped out of hyperspace, I heard Ilum's call. The planet sang, weaving a seductive tune like a siren drawing travelers to a watery grave. It was hard to ignore the song, and for a moment, I didn't try, but rather, sat there quietly, my gaze transfixed on the white-and-blue planet below. The song spoke of welcome, whispered of danger, hinted at change, and trumpeted destiny. It was intoxicating, and it was beautiful. Mjan's voice snapped me out of my trance, and my lips twitched. "You'll be fine. Take us down to coordinates 199 by 39278." My padawan obeyed, and soon, the shuttle landed with the hiss of jets on an open plain bordered on the west by icy mountains. The wind was howling in a blizzard, and the white-out conditions meant that we could see only a few feet in front of us. Nevertheless, I motioned for Mjan to follow me closely, then lowered the ramp. The wind struck us with a vengeance, shooting daggers through my clothing and taking my breath away with the sheer cold. The Force lent speed to my feet as I darted down the ramp and headed towards the mountains. It was only a five minute run, but it felt like we were out in the blizzard forever. Finally, my outstretched had touched solid ice. I sent a wave of the Force out, and suddenly, eerie blue light lit the scene. The color shot up the mountain of ice, forming an intricate patterned doorway. For a moment, it glowed brighter, and then it split in two. The door ground open, and we darted in. It closed behind us with a thud, and suddenly, everything was utterly silent. The sound of the wind howling outside was completely cut off, and the air grew significantly warmer. We were standing in a round chamber that stretched hundreds of meters up, the walls formed of ice and crystal. Etched into the floor in the very center of the room was the emblem of the Jedi Order. The illumination in the room was provided by the crystals, which glowed in all the shades of the rainbow. "Welcome, padawan," I murmured, "to the Crystal Caves of Ilum. For millenia, Jedi have come here to choose their lightsaber crystals, and to face the test of the caves. Today, you will follow in their footsteps, joining this great tradition stretching back through the years. This is a sacred place, whose secrets we have jealously guarded." I crossed to a step carved into one wall, and with the Force, tripped the interior trigger, revealing that it was actually a storage compartment containing winter coats. I handed one to Mjan and slipped into the other one myself. "Your goal is to enter the caves and collect your lightsaber crystal. Not just any crystal will do: the Force will reveal the correct one to you." I said nothing about the tests that he would face, though there would be many. "I will monitor your progress from here. But take care: return here by planetary sunset or we will be sealed in overnight, and even these warm jackets won't prevent us from freezing to death." I placed a hand on his shoulder. "I believe in you, padawan. Now go." ((OOC: I want at least three posts. As per tradition, you'll have to face some kind of spirits/ghosts who will test Mjan--this will be the Trial of Spirit. But I also want you to incorporate illusions, tricks, or traps of some sort--for the Trial of Insight. Have fun!!))

I nodded. "Then our time on Borleias has come to a close." Rising, I brushed dirt off my pants. "If you're sufficiently recovered, we'll leave in the morning." I gave him a little wave. "Goodnight then." Turning, I headed back to my tent. I was pleased with how our time had been spent here: Mjan had learned much, and we'd been able to help a good many refugees. There was always more work to be done, but I knew that the best way I could help the people of the galaxy now was to give them another well-trained Jedi Knight. And the path to that was laid out clearly before us. I slept well that night, and rose with the dawn. I had kept a shuttle from the fleet, and after pinging Mjan with it's location, headed there to get the engines warmed up. Preflight checks were in full swing when I heard the sound of his boots on the ramp. I was in the lounge slicing up some local fruit for our breakfast. "Wanna get us out of here?" I called out to him. "Take us up, and set course for Ilum."

Mjan's question caused me to chuckle. "A whirlwind," I replied. "When Master Starlisk took me on, he was the Admiral of the New Republic, and it was during the heart of the war. Most of my apprenticeship was spent traveling from one engagement to the next. I learned to be an officer long before I learned to be a Jedi. Master Starlisk had another apprentice at the same time as me, Gren, and he and I both claimed all of Onderin's free time--and a good portion that wasn't free time." I turned wistful. "I don't mean to make it sound like my training was half-hearted or not thorough, but it was hardly traditional. Most of what I learned was in the field, pushing myself, testing my own limits. Onderin was there to guide me but not always." I blinked as the smoke from the fire started to waft over me and scooted off to the side a bit. "The war was...painful. You've experienced what it's like to feel the suffering of those around you. Now magnify it by a hundred. Death everywhere, on both sides, and sometimes it was hard to see how war could ever be the will of the Force. I know Master Starlisk had some regrets later in his life, but I don't think he ever regretted participating in the war. He'd often tell me, 'There's no good in war, but there is good in why we fight them.' I suppose I've lived my life by that tenet, even though we've had a few years of peace. It's put me at odds with some members of the Order, as it did for him. But despite all the loss, the death, the pain, the sorrow that the war brought on...I know that the peace was worth it." I sighed. "That's what makes the renewal of hostilities so disheartening for me. It was such a short-lived peace. When Raven and I called for the cease-fire, I know we both envisioned the beginning of a new era. But we were mistaken. For in that time of peace, the Sith grew in strength and number. And now they've struck and we're right back where we started. But this war..." I grimaced. "I get the feeling that it's going to be worse. Much worse. The Empire may have been cruel, but the Sith are ruthless. The Empire at least cared a little bit for the lives of civilians. But in this war," I gestured to the camp behind us, "it's going to be the civilians that suffer the most." Abruptly, I shook my head. "Sorry, you asked about my apprenticeship, not my dire predictions of the future. The war shaped my apprenticeship, for sure, and many of the lessons and skills I learned directly applied to it. It was my classroom, for all intents and purposes. There were definitely moments I felt like just another soldier, but there were other moments where I was clearly a Jedi. Like the time I sensed the presence of hundreds of Jedi souls trapped on the planet below...that wasn't something just any soldier would detect. I was grateful that Onderin had given me some authority in the fleet, otherwise people like Admiral Slaughter would never have listened to me."

I listened quietly. Some of what he had said, I had gathered from his Force-aura. But he also didn't say some of the other things I was sensing. It didn't matter; the fact was I was proud of the Jedi he was becoming. "There is no death, there is the Force," I said softly. "Now you understand." Silence fell so that all that could be heard was the crackling of the fire, the call of the night birds, and the murmur of conversation rising from the camp behind us. I searched the Force for confirmation of my own thoughts, and found a steady comfort and peace. "You have passed the first test, Mjan: the trial of flesh. Remember the lessons it taught you." My voice turned a little wistful. "You'll be a full Jedi soon."

The next few days continued in the same pattern as the last ones had, but they felt different somehow. More meaningful, in a way I didn't understand. Perhaps I was simply putting myself in Mjan's shoes, but I sensed a change in the atmosphere. Towards the end of the third day after his return, I had just gone to my tent to settle in for the night, bone-weary from the day's labors, but content, when I sensed Mjan approaching. I turned as he pushed open the tent flap, and didn't hesitate when he asked to talk. Instead, I motioned for him to follow me, and we moved out of the tent circle to an abandoned fire ring. Maintaining my silence, I quickly built a small fire. Once the wood was crackling away, and the sun had begun to set in earnest, I took a seat on the ground. "Tell me," I invited.

"Lie still, Mjan," I said as my apprentice began to pull things from his rucksack and hand them to me. But it was mostly out of reflex; it wasn't as if he was seriously injured. And I trusted that he knew his boundaries. When he pressed the items into my hands, vocalizing a desire for me to give them to their owners, I bit my lip. The awkward thing was, I didn't remember who he had chosen to help all those months ago. A small smile touched my lips. "I can if you'd like, but wouldn't you prefer to give them to them yourself? Besides, I honestly don't know if I could pinpoint which specific family you're talking about." Silence fell again between us. I wanted to know everything--where had he gone, what had he done, and more importantly, what had he learned? But I knew from my own experiences that it might take time for him to find words to process everything he had gone through. And he'd only reach that point with some serious thinking and reflecting. I rose to go, and brushed his mind affectionately with the Force. "I'm glad you're back. I never doubted you." Calm flooded me. "And when you're ready to talk, I'll be here."

When I wished my padawan luck and sent him off, I had no idea just how long he'd be gone. As the days passed, I fell into a routine. There had been no news of Knight Alluyen's plan to rescue the Empress, so I didn't push it. Either they had gone without me, or the Force was leading them in a different direction. And while I hoped the best for my friend, I was growing in quiet confidence in the Force's guidance. Day by day, I mediated, seeking direction, and every day, I knew my role was to stay. So I threw myself into helping the refugees on Borleias however I could. Some days it was as simple as setting up new prefab shelters, while other days I spent hours in a form of the battle meditation my old master had taught me, linking all the other Jedi at work here and bolstering the spirits of the refugees. Occasionally, I'd return to the fleet to take care of business, but those days were few and far between. I grew stronger and calmer as the days turned into weeks. The burden of despair that had come over me after Coruscant's destruction slowly dissipated. I sweated and ached and wept alongside the refugees, but I also encouraged them and built hope back into their lives. The Force flowed more strongly in me each day, and I became possessed of a quiet contentment. For however long this lasted, my soul felt at peace. At the end of the second month, however, I had to admit I was starting to wonder if Mjan would ever return. I knew that he was still alive--I felt confident that I'd sense it if he died--but I had no idea what he was learning, or even where he was. I searched the Force with more urgency each morning, and found only the reassurance that he was on the right path. It would be my choice if that was enough for me. A few days later, however, I sensed a change. Danger was lurking. I could tell that it wasn't directed at the camp itself, but that was all. Uneasily, I ordered a patrol of the surrounding jungle, then forced myself to do something else to get my mind off it. Two hours later, however, the patrol returned--and they weren't alone. I saw them pull up to the hospital shelter and I quickened my stride, knowing I was supposed to be there. As I approached, I knew why. Mjan lay on a stretcher, unconscious and emaciated. The medical staff hooked him up to an IV and after some efficient checks, left him to tend to patients in more dire straights. "He simply needs time to recover," one told me on her way out. "It's just starvation and dehydration." I nodded, then when we were alone, pulled up a chair to his bedside. This was my place until he awoke. I felt a little bit guilty--he could have died--but the feeling quickly faded into the Force. Things had turned out exactly the way it had desired, and I knew Mjan's experiences would be crucial in shaping him into the Jedi he was destined to become. For now, then, I'd make sure that mine was the first face he saw when he awoke.

"Indeed, I'm sure they shall," I replied. But even as I said the words, I shook my head. "This task, however, is yours to complete. Be on your guard, let the Force guide you, and use what you have learned, and you will not go astray." I reached into my satchel and pulled out a training lightsaber. It wouldn't put Mjan at risk of losing his limbs if it was miswielded, but it would still offer him some protection in case he needed it. I handed it to him. "I'll be a comm call away if you need me. May the Force be with you." I crossed my arms then and saw him off. I had no doubt that he would succeed, and more than that, that he would learn something new.

Mjan's answer wasn't what I expected, but then, the Sith continually surprised me. He continued my metaphor, expanding it in a way I had never considered. "An excellent way to put it, padawan," I praised. We continued walking. I sensed we hadn't yet reached our destination. "It's not easy to be a blade of grass," I stated, almost abruptly after a long silence. "The life of a Jedi is about forgetting oneself, always putting oneself last. The needs of those around us trump our own needs or desires. Even to the point of self-sacrifice. We always have to be willing to do whatever it takes to save, protect, or help. Well," I hesitated, "not 'whatever it takes'. There are lines we cannot cross. Anger, aggression...the lure of the dark side will always be there. But we have to be willing to sacrifice everything in ourselves to achieve peace." I didn't think I was explaining myself very well. "Anyway, that's why a Jedi should always be slow to attack. There's almost always a way where the price is shifted to us and not others. It just requires some creative thinking sometimes." I still wasn't quite satisfied with the way I had put it, but I hoped Mjan would understand. Suddenly, the sensation I had been getting in the Force clarified. I grabbed Mjan by the coat sleeve and pulled him to the side. "See that family over there?" I gestured with my chin. "I think you can help them. And I think you're supposed to help them. Go. Let's see where following the leading of the Force takes you." ((OOC: The details are up to you, but I'd like it to take a few posts, and I want it to require procuring something hard-to-get, requiring you to go outside the camp.))

I nodded. It was difficult to define something like the dark side without resorting to poetic language, yet Mjan did a good job of grounding his in the harsh reality of the situation around us. "Tell me this, then," I said slowly. "How does one fight against the dark side? If it's a pebble thrown into the water, how does one prevent the pebble from causing ripples? Is darkness not inevitable? Won't there always be chaos, war, strife, anger, somewhere in the galaxy?" I gestured broadly to the beings around us. "Despite the best efforts of the Jedi Order, these people still lost everything. We tried. The best of our Order gathered, gave it their best effort, and yet they still failed. And failure is not an isolated incident. As a Jedi, our capacity for failure is greater than others', because of our power and because of the situations we find ourselves in. If failure is, at some point, in many situations, inevitable, and even our successes don't drive back the darkness completely, what, then, is the point of trying?"

Mornings onboard a ship arrived with the chirping of an alarm. I rose a little grumpily; I liked being on ships, but I always preferred waking up on the ground, a planet's sun or suns rising and streaming in through the shuttered blinds on the windows. Space was always just dark. At least, I thought, crossing to my viewport, there was the beautiful sight of the swirling blue-and-green world looming large beneath us. The planet's magnificence dissipated my grumpiness and I dressed with a renewed energy to tackle the day, choosing a set of grey-and-cream Jedi robes that I rarely wore. I tamed my hair and performed my other ablutions, choosing to skip a full breakfast in favor of an energy bar and a cup of caf in my quarters. At the designated time, I headed down the hall to the training room. Mjan was already there. "Good morning, padawan. I hope you slept well." I jumped right in. "So I've rethought today's lessons. Let's head down to Borleias." We made our way through the halls to the hangar, where we waited for an opportunity to make the brief trip to the surface. It wasn't long before an opportunity arose, and we claimed spots on a supply shuttle. As we boarded, I handed Mjan a data chip. "Here, you can read up on the lightsaber forms, as I promised last night." Half an hour later, we touched down. The cargo door opened with a hiss, letting in the warm air of the planet. I smiled and inhaled deeply. I have breathed the air of a thousand worlds, I thought, quoting the line from one of my favorite poets to myself. We had landed in one of the refugee camps. The Jedi were doing what we could to make the camps habitable for a longer term. It was going to take a long time to find permanent homes for those displaced from Coruscant. We made our way through the camp. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I knew the Force had led us here. So I turned to Mjan as we walked, and posed a question to him. "Mjan, what is the dark side?"